Modern Day Society- Male Dating Issues

[Amaris]

The major reason behind most male dating issues is, I would say, a serious lack of self confidence. Men put women on a pedestal and keep them there in good times and bad, and these women become unreachable, and soon, most women become unreachable because the male's self confidence spirals downward.

The best approach is to not set expectations too high. Some are common sense, like hygiene and disposition. After that, keep your heart and mind open. Also keep in mind that, in general, women love a nice guy, but many of these women also want a guy who will stand up for himself. When you are complimented, don't go "who me? I'm ugly". Instead, say something like "thank you, you look rather good yourself." Accept the compliment and give one in return. This indicates that you accept her judgement value and have also taken interest in her. Women want to feel wanted, and they want you to feel wanted. Your self worth is only important for yourself and the person in whom you are interested. That's it.

Take it one step at a time, but have the self confidence to get out there and try. What's the worst that can happen? She says no? Well, yeah, that's it. She can say no, and so you move on. If she's not interested, she's not interested, but I'll tell you right now, most women can smell desperation on a guy like so much cheap cologne. She can usually tell when your confidence is false. You know what is likely to happen if you get the interest of a girl? She's going to start liking you, and the warm progression of emotions will mean she will look past any of your perceived faults.

Put more succinctly, gentlemen; if you feel it is that important to succeed at dating, you're going to have to do more than pine quietly for lost lovers you will never have.

You want to go on a date? You want romance? You want sex? You have to pursue it. Engage yourself into the situation, don't sit passively by. No one likes the guy who complains about the game when he won't even try to play it.

This is good advice except for one thing. I learned the hard way that when a woman says no, it's NO. It's okay to approach them and ask them out, but DON'T PUSH.

For many years, no woman would go out with me because I have cerebral palsy. I was told to my face on one occasion that I wasn't worth dating because of my wheelchair. She called me a retarded crippled freak. But that was only one incident. The rest of the time, the women who turned me down admitted it was because of the chair, but were polite about it, and wished me luck, but also made it clear that I was to leave them alone. Once, when I was younger, I got desperate and refused to take no for an answer. That led to a very ugly situation that for a while, destroyed my self esteem and left me feeling worthless. After that, I decided I was never going to put myself in that position again. From then on, I asked a lady out, got told no, or "go to hell" or whatever, I just shook it off and moved on. I was lonely alot of the time, but what can you do?

Thankfully, that all came to an end last year.

You're right, I should have added that about saying no. I assumed that most men would accept no, but I do forget that sometimes it doesn't happen.

As for your situation, good on you, and I mean it.

 

[RandyS]

The major reason behind most male dating issues is, I would say, a serious lack of self confidence. Men put women on a pedestal and keep them there in good times and bad, and these women become unreachable, and soon, most women become unreachable because the male's self confidence spirals downward.

The best approach is to not set expectations too high. Some are common sense, like hygiene and disposition. After that, keep your heart and mind open. Also keep in mind that, in general, women love a nice guy, but many of these women also want a guy who will stand up for himself. When you are complimented, don't go "who me? I'm ugly". Instead, say something like "thank you, you look rather good yourself." Accept the compliment and give one in return. This indicates that you accept her judgement value and have also taken interest in her. Women want to feel wanted, and they want you to feel wanted. Your self worth is only important for yourself and the person in whom you are interested. That's it.

Take it one step at a time, but have the self confidence to get out there and try. What's the worst that can happen? She says no? Well, yeah, that's it. She can say no, and so you move on. If she's not interested, she's not interested, but I'll tell you right now, most women can smell desperation on a guy like so much cheap cologne. She can usually tell when your confidence is false. You know what is likely to happen if you get the interest of a girl? She's going to start liking you, and the warm progression of emotions will mean she will look past any of your perceived faults.

Put more succinctly, gentlemen; if you feel it is that important to succeed at dating, you're going to have to do more than pine quietly for lost lovers you will never have.

You want to go on a date? You want romance? You want sex? You have to pursue it. Engage yourself into the situation, don't sit passively by. No one likes the guy who complains about the game when he won't even try to play it.

This is good advice except for one thing. I learned the hard way that when a woman says no, it's NO. It's okay to approach them and ask them out, but DON'T PUSH.

For many years, no woman would go out with me because I have cerebral palsy. I was told to my face on one occasion that I wasn't worth dating because of my wheelchair. She called me a retarded crippled freak. But that was only one incident. The rest of the time, the women who turned me down admitted it was because of the chair, but were polite about it, and wished me luck, but also made it clear that I was to leave them alone. Once, when I was younger, I got desperate and refused to take no for an answer. That led to a very ugly situation that for a while, destroyed my self esteem and left me feeling worthless. After that, I decided I was never going to put myself in that position again. From then on, I asked a lady out, got told no, or "go to hell" or whatever, I just shook it off and moved on. I was lonely alot of the time, but what can you do?

Thankfully, that all came to an end last year.

You're right, I should have added that about saying no. I assumed that most men would accept no, but I do forget that sometimes it doesn't happen.

As for your situation, good on you, and I mean it.

I hope you don't think I was criticizing you. I wasn't.

 

[Amaris]

I hope you don't think I was criticizing you. I wasn't.

I know. I just wanted you to know I agree with you.

 

[Cheapjack]

Why don't you grab one of them by the hand and show them the delights? Put it into their 'untouched crevice' when they want you to, by the way.

If you were going for over the top, abrasive, and creepifying - you nailed it right there.

You don't seem to have read some of my previous threads. I went with someone who claimed to be a virgin, and spent five hours with her, getting ready for it, stopping, getting ready for it, stopping. Five hours. Any other man would have given up. I showed incredible patience and basically she dumped all over me. The first thing she said to me was. 'My dad's a policeman, you do anything to me I don't like, I'll say you've raped me, and I'll get away with it, cos I've done it before'. And she, basically, humiliated and raped me.

Creepy it was. It was like being in bed with a six foot tarantula.

I'm still optimistic.

 

[Braxton]

I tend to meet great women that are already in a relationship or women that do things that I do not like/am annoyed by. Sorry, I'm not going to date someone that smokes. I've been interested in both heavy and slender girls so this isn't an issue. I just seem to have a constant case of bad luck.

 

[StarTrek1701]

Man, it was so easy back in the caveman days. Just hit the woman you like on the head and drag her to your cave to claim her sweetly. None of this modern dating mumbo jumbo.

 

[Listener4]

Clearly there have been many significant changes in society, including those relating to male/female interaction, and some of those changes, many would agree, have been less than positive. Most are still able navigate the dating world, even if it is more difficult than in the past. Some however, are not, and find previous social models preferable to that of today.

While I am an extreme critic of contemporary society, I know that merely being aware of society's faults is not going to help me in my attempt to function within it. I know I have to overcome my own fears and weaknesses to achieve my goals.

With regard to dating, I can relate to some of the items listed, mostly lack of confidence. It's difficult to have confidence when one has no experience, much less success. Making it worse is observing very young people display both confidence and competence in relationships as if it was second nature.

As I mentioned elsewhere it is a sense of powerlessness, a sense that I do not direct the course of my own life. There are many things about my life that I do not like, yet they remain. And that gives me a feeling of inadequacy.

 

[Amaris]

In a social situation, sometimes it's best just to get up close and personal. Walk up to her and step just inside her personal space, slowly inhale and close your eyes, then look at her, smile, say she's lovely (mean it), bow your head slightly, and walk away.

She'll either be curious and want to talk to you, or she'll brush you off. Either way, you broke the ice.

 

[RJDiogenes]

Beware of pepper spray, though. Just saying.

 

[Amaris]

Beware of pepper spray, though. Just saying.

Well, social situation. You know, bar, dance hall, nightclub, church, hospi- wait, scratch that last one.

 

[Shazam!]

In a social situation, sometimes it's best just to get up close and personal. Walk up to her and step just inside her personal space, slowly inhale and close your eyes, then look at her, smile, say she's lovely (mean it), bow your head slightly, and walk away.

LOL I couldn't imagine a more creepy thing to do.

 

[Amaris]

In a social situation, sometimes it's best just to get up close and personal. Walk up to her and step just inside her personal space, slowly inhale and close your eyes, then look at her, smile, say she's lovely (mean it), bow your head slightly, and walk away.

LOL I couldn't imagine a more creepy thing to do.

Creepy for you. Then again, it's not meant for you.
Again, in a social situation, people have done far, far more involved things than this. My way is straightforward, shows interest, and gives the benefit of a bit of mystery. Many women like a good mystery, and if you do it just right, they will be interested. Now, if they are interested, you really need to follow up with a good conversation. Engaging, polite and friendly. Sometimes it doesn't work, but my current success rate (that is, getting women to notice, talk to me and enjoy my company) is approximately 137 out of 140.

 

[Shazam!]

my current success rate (that is, getting women to notice, talk to me and enjoy my company) is approximately 137 out of 140.

: |

 

[Amaris]

my current success rate (that is, getting women to notice, talk to me and enjoy my company) is approximately 137 out of 140.

: |

And? Don't just stand there, what? Refute? Ask? Comment?

 

[iguana_tonante]

Clearly there have been many significant changes in society, including those relating to male/female interaction, and some of those changes, many would agree, have been less than positive. Most are still able navigate the dating world, even if it is more difficult than in the past. Some however, are not, and find previous social models preferable to that of today.

Yeah, buying a wife with two head of cattle was so much better than having to talk with her. Jeez.

 

[Amaris]

Clearly there have been many significant changes in society, including those relating to male/female interaction, and some of those changes, many would agree, have been less than positive. Most are still able navigate the dating world, even if it is more difficult than in the past. Some however, are not, and find previous social models preferable to that of today.

Yeah, buying a wife with two head of cattle was so much better than having to talk with her. Jeez.

*sigh* Sometimes I miss the old fashioned romantic ways.

 

[RoJoHen]

my current success rate (that is, getting women to notice, talk to me and enjoy my company) is approximately 137 out of 140.

: |

And? Don't just stand there, what? Refute? Ask? Comment?

I'm not sure you know who you're talking to.


I have a bizarre problem with girls. I have a really hard time being attracted to any of them until I've gotten to know them and have become their friend. Sometimes it takes months of knowing someone before I develop an attraction. But of course, by that point, I've entered the "friend zone" and lost my chance. Or they've already started dating someone else. 99% of the girls I'm into are already in committed relationships. Hell, there's a girl right now that I really have a crush on. She's absolutely perfect for me, but she's 8 months pregnant!

I've found that most single girls my age are still single for very good reasons.

 

[Jetfire]

I've found that most single girls my age are still single for very good reasons.

How old are you? Why not go a few years younger or a few years older than you?

[edit] Like if you are 25...go for 20/21 or 29-31.

 

[RoJoHen]

I'm 25, so I realize that I'm probably excluding a lot of really decent girls when I said that. I meet plenty of really awesome girls. I'd say the majority of girls I know are pretty good people, but all of them are already in relationships. And when I say "my age," I don't just mean other 25-year olds. I go a few years in either direction.

 

[Robert Maxwell]

I've found that most single girls my age are still single for very good reasons.

How old are you? Why not go a few years younger or a few years older than you?

[edit] Like if you are 25...go for 20/21 or 29-31.

Some people are real sticklers for age. It's interesting when I'm on OKCupid and I see people who are (let's say) 26 and only want to date people who are 23-28. Less than 23 is too young and immature, I guess, and 29 on up is old.

Interestingly, the older someone is, the wider an age range they're likely to find acceptable. Maybe that's a product of desperation, I don't know.