Another guy kissed my girlfriend.
- Thread starter Tiberius Jim
- Start date
Yeah, this. Do cell phones not have "block" features? Why even read or respond to unwelcome text messages?
There must be some element of enjoyment or amusement to keep it going like that.
WRONG
Wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong.
I'm trying to think of another way to explain this, but I think it's probably clear by now.
She needs to let her managers know so that the next time he does something creepy it's his second strike and they're not all "Well, why didn't you complain the first time?"
My Plecymeter is veering towards BS again -- not sure why.
In case this is real:
Yeah you guys are definitely handling this all wrong. Saving those text messages for a later court case will not help you at all. It looks like your leading him on. It looks like flirting. You should be cutting him off outside work. Have you reported his behaviour to the manager yet? Don't wait any longer.
Oh and to the poster upthread who mentioned that guys should be trusted, regardless of their behaviour, right up to the point of a trial and conviction for rape: by that time it's far too late for the woman, don't you think? YR was right, ladies, trust your instincts. Don't be afraid to hurt a guy's feelings if you feel the least bit threatened.
As to the guy himself, have you ever seen those crime stories on TV about women who were stalked and eventually attacked by unstable men? Those stories always start out exactly like this one has.
Yeah you guys are definitely handling this all wrong. Saving those text messages for a later court case will not help you at all. It looks like your leading him on. It looks like flirting. You should be cutting him off outside work. Have you reported his behaviour to the manager yet? Don't wait any longer.
Oh and to the poster upthread who mentioned that guys should be trusted, regardless of their behaviour, right up to the point of a trial and conviction for rape: by that time it's far too late for the woman, don't you think? YR was right, ladies, trust your instincts. Don't be afraid to hurt a guy's feelings if you feel the least bit threatened.
As to the guy himself, have you ever seen those crime stories on TV about women who were stalked and eventually attacked by unstable men? Those stories always start out exactly like this one has.
You know, I don't recall seeing any photos of Chicken anywhere. 
I'd say you two were fine up til now Flux, but next step is definitely to lay down the law if he continues.
I'd say you two were fine up til now Flux, but next step is definitely to lay down the law if he continues.
I'm not, but I continue to have doubts given the way the story seems to be unfolding.
Just quoting myself to add that there is a thread in TNZ about a stalker killing a woman whom he had first met when they worked together.
http://www.trekbbs.com/showthread.php?t=115538
I'm not suggesting you overreact, but I think you should start taking it a bit more seriously and follow recommended procedures.
I know I'm sounding alarmist, and I admit that I'm a little bit surprised at my own reaction, but I'm getting a bad vibe about this.
I do agree that it would be better if we just came out and told the guy "Knock it off, she's taken" but for one thing, she is trying to keep things from being too awkward at work, and also, he knows she is taken and doesn't seem to care very much. I am to the point where I am through being nice. I've made my position in her life clear, as has she, and he's met me face to face. If he continues to disrespect our relationship by pursuing her like this, there will be a confrontation.
I really don't understand why people are being skeptical whether or not this is real. I know we've been burned before by people, but I think my long standing here and the amount of evidence available should be enough. Go to my Facebook, there's plenty of pictures of the two of us together. Plus, this is a pretty lame story to be making up...I could write a better story than this.
I will suggest that she tell her manager, although she may be too afraid to. I'm wondering if telling the manager myself would be appropriate, or if it should come from her. Either way, I do agree that he needs to know what's going on with his employees.
Since there's plenty of transparency with the text messages, I'll know if he's still trying this crap with her. This will become an issue between him and myself if he doesn't knock it off.
I really don't understand why people are being skeptical whether or not this is real. I know we've been burned before by people, but I think my long standing here and the amount of evidence available should be enough. Go to my Facebook, there's plenty of pictures of the two of us together. Plus, this is a pretty lame story to be making up...I could write a better story than this.
I will suggest that she tell her manager, although she may be too afraid to. I'm wondering if telling the manager myself would be appropriate, or if it should come from her. Either way, I do agree that he needs to know what's going on with his employees.
Since there's plenty of transparency with the text messages, I'll know if he's still trying this crap with her. This will become an issue between him and myself if he doesn't knock it off.
erring on the side of this being real: I say she's gotta nip in the bud, up to and including talking to someone up the chain of command.
I've dealt with guys that didn't want to take "no" for an answer when the wife and I were dating, and just after we got married. It only leads to issues between you and your partner. And in some cases you're playing with fire.
I've dealt with guys that didn't want to take "no" for an answer when the wife and I were dating, and just after we got married. It only leads to issues between you and your partner. And in some cases you're playing with fire.
That's exactly the feel I get here. Time to be a true adult, and stop this crap.
I feel like your girlfriend is playing you a bit Flux. Intentionally or not, I just get this feeling she likes this attention.
If she doesn't like it, she needs to tell him it's time to stop. That's it. No big flourish. It's not a movie. Just a simple - 'ya know, I have a boyfriend, I really don't like the attention.' And walk away. It's easy.
If it's 'awkward' at work - it's awkward for him. And if she feels awkward - well, she needs to grow up a bit, feel empowered, and be strong. Otherwise, she will be letting him take advantage of her.
They shouldn't be texting or interacting in any way beyond what's necessary for work. Yeah, she won't be on good terms with the guy but that's the way life goes. You can't have a good relationship with everyone. You learn to be civil and professional on the job and then you leave all of the other nonsense behind.
People like attention. Stop giving him attention. And no, it's not appropriate for you to speak on her behalf to anyone, whether it is this guy or her manager. This is a situation that she should be perfectly capable of handling herself and treating it otherwise is not only unhealthy for her individual development as a person, but also the development of your relationship together as a couple.
People like attention. Stop giving him attention. And no, it's not appropriate for you to speak on her behalf to anyone, whether it is this guy or her manager. This is a situation that she should be perfectly capable of handling herself and treating it otherwise is not only unhealthy for her individual development as a person, but also the development of your relationship together as a couple.
All Seeing Eye
Admiral
Knee cap him.
I'm getting the impression that your girlfriend is either scared of this guy or extremely shy/insecure/even frightened because after a time this sort of behaviour isn't annoying anymore.. it's becoming creepy and worriesome.
She needs to end this now in no uncertain terms or file a harrassment complaint with her manager.. other option would be your job to end this any way (which to your credit you didn't pursue because it's her problem and you are for now only supporting her).
End this.. NOW.. before it gets worse and downright ugly.
She needs to end this now in no uncertain terms or file a harrassment complaint with her manager.. other option would be your job to end this any way (which to your credit you didn't pursue because it's her problem and you are for now only supporting her).
End this.. NOW.. before it gets worse and downright ugly.
I agree that she needs to confront the guy. However, if there's one thing she is not good at, it's confrontations. She only replies to his texts maybe half the time (and he gets all bent out of shape if she ignores him). I asked why she ever replies at all, and she said she at least wants to keep things somewhat friendly..again, to avoid confrontation and uncomfortableness. I've just requested that she keep the text message replies to a minimum, and if he gets upset then that's his problem. Acting like everything is cool with him is only going to encourage him.
That's basically it...she is very shy and a little on the insecure side so she's very hesitant to cause any sort of confrontation. I think she tries to keep him at least somewhat happy since she's not really sure what he'll do.
I'm taking it on a day-to-day basis, and she always tells me if he's said or done anything new.
I know what that's like, Flux, because I'm like that too. I don't like unpleasantness, I'll put up with things sometimes even when I'm uncomfortable just because I don't want to be "mean" or feel like I'm creating drama or an awkward situation.
But that's why I said what I did about personal character development. She shouldn't be keeping things friendly here, because it will just encourage him. There are times when it's good to be friendly and times when it's okay not to be friendly. This is one of those times when it's okay not to be. The situation is already uncomfortable and there is clearly no solution here where everyone involved would feel totally at ease. So she needs to set the boundaries, deal with feeling awkward, and just put her foot down and stop replying to him at all.
If she simply wants to be coworkers with him, then that's how she needs to behave. Like his coworker, not his friend, not someone who is putting up with him. She can be civil to him while at work and make it clear that there won't be communication otherwise. I know that she would like it if there were a different solution, but sometimes there isn't and we simply must deal with some unpleasantness to keep from creating more.
But that's why I said what I did about personal character development. She shouldn't be keeping things friendly here, because it will just encourage him. There are times when it's good to be friendly and times when it's okay not to be friendly. This is one of those times when it's okay not to be. The situation is already uncomfortable and there is clearly no solution here where everyone involved would feel totally at ease. So she needs to set the boundaries, deal with feeling awkward, and just put her foot down and stop replying to him at all.
If she simply wants to be coworkers with him, then that's how she needs to behave. Like his coworker, not his friend, not someone who is putting up with him. She can be civil to him while at work and make it clear that there won't be communication otherwise. I know that she would like it if there were a different solution, but sometimes there isn't and we simply must deal with some unpleasantness to keep from creating more.
Personally, I'd feel very very VERY tempted to strangle the guy. Then pound my chest and go "ungh, me angry alpha male". But I'm not you, so I can sit at a dispassionately safe distance and give you semi-unbiased advice.
I can't blame some of the people here for screaming at you to knock him out the box, but that will get you a police report and probably do alot of damage to you reputation with girls, with your job, and people in general. What you need to do is tell the guy that is he doesn't piss off, pardon my French, he's going to be staring at a sexual harrassment charge. If he insists, he can do so from inside the defendant's box. The girlfriend can protest all she wants that she doesn't want to make it awkward or cause a scene, but this situation definitely calls for it. I'd rather have one relieved couple and one imprisoned wackjob than one grieving boyfriend and one free wacko.
I can't blame some of the people here for screaming at you to knock him out the box, but that will get you a police report and probably do alot of damage to you reputation with girls, with your job, and people in general. What you need to do is tell the guy that is he doesn't piss off, pardon my French, he's going to be staring at a sexual harrassment charge. If he insists, he can do so from inside the defendant's box. The girlfriend can protest all she wants that she doesn't want to make it awkward or cause a scene, but this situation definitely calls for it. I'd rather have one relieved couple and one imprisoned wackjob than one grieving boyfriend and one free wacko.
This. Wise words, Kestra.
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