Do open relationships work?

[Joe Washington]

I've heard of couples who are in open relationships in which they are free to have sex with whomever they want but in the end, their only true emotional connection is with each other. Does such relationships work? Do you know of any successful ones? How do they work exactly?

 

[thestrangequark]

My aunt and uncle have been together for over 30 years in an open relationship. Really, open. At one point my 60 year old uncle was dating a 20 year old male ballerina!

They've always seemed happy enough. I don't ask them too much about it though, as it'd be more than a little awkward.

 

[Admiral Buzzkill]

Everything works for someone.

 

[gturner]

This has to be the dumbest question ever asked on a Trek board. A trekkie has more chance of meeting a Klingon than an actual girl, let alone two.

 

[Shaw]

My Dad had an open relationship with his second wife (in the late 70s)... she found someone else and divorced him within a year.

From what I can tell, it works best for those who shouldn't be in relationships to begin with. Or who consider the person they are with good enough for now. Odds are if the person you are with is asking for an open relationship, what they are really saying is that they're just waiting for something better to happen along.

If you don't mind being the fall back person who could be discarded at any time... or have a low opinion of the person you are with and consider them expendable, then it might be a good fit.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

All I know is I could never deal with it. I'm just not wired for that sort of thing. I can barely handle normal relationships, let alone stuff like this.

 

[Harvey]

Hey, don't project your troubles onto the rest of us. I've only known one person in an open relationship (as huge a geek as can be found on this board, nonetheless!). Her marriage didn't end up working out, but one person is hardly a proper sample.

 

[Kestra]

I'd imagine they work for some couples, and not for others.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Hey, don't project your troubles onto the rest of us.

Eh? What did I do?

 

[gturner]

Not you. Me.

How can I pass up a chance to launch into a Shatnerian rant about how Trek people can't get laid?!

 

[thestrangequark]

^I lost my virginity with The Next Generation on TV in the background -- Tekkies can get laid just fine!

 

[Kirkman1987]

^

Trek makes my gf horny at times. Strange, but I have no complaints.

Open relations work fine for some people. Not my thing, but who am I to judge. I certainly enjoyed sleeping with a number of girls when I was single.

 

[thestrangequark]

^Dr. Bashir makes me horny.

 

[Harvey]

Hey, don't project your troubles onto the rest of us.

Eh? What did I do?

Typed faster than me. Sorry, I was responding to gturner.

Not you. Me.

How can I pass up a chance to launch into a Shatnerian rant about how Trek people can't get laid?!

He's never going to live down a comedy skit done on Saturday Night Live decades ago, is he. Still, I'm sure he sleeps fine at night, so whatever.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Suddenly I feel so square.

Still, I suppose in general, relationships like this have the same chances at working as any other. Provided they're not one-sided, like "I get to fuck whoever I want, and you don't".

 

[Kirkman1987]

^Dr. Bashir makes me horny.

She's a data, odo, and Spock girl. I used to have to perform some wild roleplay, but she realized that it didn't do much for me. I just thought our real relationship was hotter than any
Fake scenario.

Anyway, I still am "fully funtional"

 

[maneth]

It may work for some, but for sure it wouldn't work for me. For one thing, I'm incapable of being sexually interested in more than one man at a time. (Crushes obviously don't count.) That's why I could never date using an online dating service. I tried before I met my husband, but I couldn't deal with the guys who had other dates lined up that week, never mind those who had other dates for the same evening...

One-sided can work too, but only if the parties are very incompatible sexually. Say one wants sex at least twice a day and the other is happy with once a month. Having external relations might save the marriage.

 

[RJDiogenes]

All relationships are open; it's just a matter of degree. A closed relationship is not healthy.

 

[Lookingglassman]

Not for me. I like to stick with one girl.

Of course I actually got to find a girl to stick with....

 

[Daneel]

I'd imagine they work for some couples, and not for others.

Ah, Kestra, once again the voice of reason.

It may work for some, but for sure it wouldn't work for me. For one thing, I'm incapable of being sexually interested in more than one man at a time.

Hmm, interesting. For me, it's the opposite: I've never seemed capable of being sexually interested in only one person at a time. This is one of the reasons I think being in an open relationship could work for me, though I admit I've never actually been in one, so I suppose I can't really say for certain.