J
Jetfire
Guest
I value both equally...an "open" relationship would never work...for me.
Do open relationships work?
- Thread starter Joe Washington
- Start date
I value both equally...an "open" relationship would never work...for me.
^
I just don't think it's unhealthy for some people, such as myself, to only want one sexual partner at a time.
Nobody ever said otherwise.
That said, I hope I'm not the only one who gets a real kick out of seeing an admitted 40 yr old virgin expound on the viability of other people's sexual arrangements.
^ I never said anything about *other people's* sexual appetites. I'm just responding to criticism of mine.
I don't think anyone is criticizing your opinion on what would work for you - they're criticizing your criticism that it can work for anyone else. In my view, you're the one who came into this thread and started casting judgments about. And I've seen you do it before, in other threads on the same topic.
I'm not sure whether it would work for me - I've technically been in two open relationships, one of which became open after nearly seven years of it being closed, and it ended soon afterwards. In that case - my ex-husband - he really was just looking for forgiveness for the fact that he'd already been cheating on me, and for a way out of the relationship. (Not that I'm bitter.) In the second case, it didn't last long enough for me to know whether it could have lasted long-term, though I'm still friends with the guy I was with (who was the "pivot point", as it were - he had another partner).
I'd like to think that I would be able to handle an open relationship, but it would have to begin that way. None of this being together for seven years and then opening things up.
I have friends for whom it's no problem at all - they've been in long-term, stable, open relationships for years. Obviously in those cases, it works for all concerned.
No, I didn't. All I said was that it could never work for me. I never once said anything about anyone else's choices.
The only thing that got me angry was when RJ here was calling my attitude "unhealthy".
^^ Then you need to re-read the Thread. I never said any such thing.
Because, maybe, they don't know them? Besides, commitment is a different thing from sexual monogamy. There are people on this very board that are deeply committed to their spouse, but they have an open relationship. They are telling that. But some people are just not listening, because it doesn't fit in their own preconceived notions.How is it either judgemental or patronising for someone to say they think most people in "open relationships" are only in them because they dont want to or cant commit to one person at a time? If they could, they wouldnt want to be in an open relationship would they?Isn't it lovely when people go all judgmental and patronizing in the same post?
Would it be fair to say that every people that are in a "closed relationship" are only in them because they are controlling and doesn't trust their partners? Course not. But somehow, some people think it's fair to tell others why they feel or act in some way.
If I may interject, and I may - I think RJ was making a point along the lines of - one doesn't have a relationship without openness. (and that it is a matter of degree) Just as one doesn't have a conversation if the other person never lets you get a word in. You can't have a musical jam if the others don't listen. You can't dance with someone who's just doing their own thing. You have to let someone in and to do that requires being open to it.
I don't think it was the blanket statement concerning sex that you inferred.
Ha ha!
Your information is outdated, however. The internet has allowed your average Trekkie to gain access to the previously unattainable world of sex and relationships. I won't lie, my life would have turned out very differently if the internet hadn't come along. My problem was that I lacked the confidence to approach women without being all awkward and shy. Meet them online first, though, and you can really open up and be yourself, because nerds always feel right at home in front of a computer screen.
Once the internet came into my life, I started meeting up with women from online, until I gradually developed some "game" in the real world. The end result is the sexual god whose post you are now reading. This could be you.
(lol)
Open relationships are tricky, because it seems like sometimes the other partner "goes along" with the idea because they want to make their SO happy. In cases like this, resentment gradually builds up until someone is killed in their sleep, making for a riveting hour of Saturday night television via 48 Hours Mystery.
However, I would guess that sometimes both partners are able to separate sex from love(generally easier for men than women, obviously), and things work out just fine. Different strokes(huh huh, strokes)for different folks. Just make sure your wife is REALLY down with the open relationship thing, or one day you might be organizing a manhunt to look for your severed penis after it's been tossed out the window of a moving car after she cuts it off in your sleep and drives off with it in a panic.
However, I would guess that sometimes both partners are able to separate sex from love(generally easier for men than women, obviously), and things work out just fine. Different strokes(huh huh, strokes)for different folks. Just make sure your wife is REALLY down with the open relationship thing, or one day you might be organizing a manhunt to look for your severed penis after it's been tossed out the window of a moving car after she cuts it off in your sleep and drives off with it in a panic.
In my case, the open relationship was my wife's idea. I can't say I had any objections, though.
God, not in my case. Never. I'm too jealous! 
In my case, it's polyamorous (I believe polygamous involves marriage to two or more people which isn't the case for us). My wife is in a deep intimate relationship with someone else as well as me, and he lives with us.
I'm not seeing or looking for anyone else (and neither is he). I can't speak for him, but I'm not interested in the slightest in finding anyone else. My wife fulfills all the relationship needs I have. Probably the hardest part at first was accepting that I don't for her. Please don't take that as my being forced into it. I had a decision to make and I made it.
None of our family is aware of the situation. Actually considering it's been over a year it's something of a miracle that I haven't been in a situation where my parents even know there is someone else living with us. They won't react well, that is for certain. A few select friends know. The reaction has been fairly positive, as she only told those she thought would be cool with it. Although at least one friendship of hers ended, possibly because of that. We have no children, and quite honestly I haven't wanted any and now I don't see any way we could possibly raise one, which suits me fine.
I've somehow lost all my multi quotes and can't be bothered to sift through this hot bed of discussion for them again.
In short one as a at the idea of Trekkies being unable to get a Klingon, net alone a woman, simply because for me at least it's true, so no lectures please.
Second I never got too much in the way of discrimination of Laser beam on the idea of open relationships. Like me I felt like he doesn't mind those that are in one and find it works but wouldn't like it themselves, but as someone else said you can't say for certain till you try it.
I think RJ was talking about how relationships exist outside of the one between man and wife, those aren't nesacrily sexual but are at times as deep as any shared between a man and wife (no accusations of homophobia please I can simply not think of a more appropriate, all inclusive term atm) and I must admit that I would not like that in a relationship. I would accept it of course don't get me wrong but I am not afraid to admit that I would like to think that my wife/gf/whatever was comfortable enough around me to discuss anything, but I accept that that would not always be the case just as there may be times where I could not tell her something.
In short one as a
at the idea of Trekkies being unable to get a Klingon, net alone a woman, simply because for me at least it's true, so no lectures please.Second I never got too much in the way of discrimination of Laser beam on the idea of open relationships. Like me I felt like he doesn't mind those that are in one and find it works but wouldn't like it themselves, but as someone else said you can't say for certain till you try it.
I think RJ was talking about how relationships exist outside of the one between man and wife, those aren't nesacrily sexual but are at times as deep as any shared between a man and wife (no accusations of homophobia please I can simply not think of a more appropriate, all inclusive term atm) and I must admit that I would not like that in a relationship. I would accept it of course don't get me wrong but I am not afraid to admit that I would like to think that my wife/gf/whatever was comfortable enough around me to discuss anything, but I accept that that would not always be the case just as there may be times where I could not tell her something.
My parents are split up and remarried, and they had different reactions.
My father didn't give a shit. My mother went insane and tried to kidnap our children. You can imagine that relations are a bit strained there...
Unfortunately, a lot of people have a similar reaction to the idea of open relationships, polyamory, etc. I just don't get it. If you don't like it, don't do it. Nobody's going to force people to be in open relationships.
MollyRoger
Lieutenant Junior Grade
I feel like I really really want to discuss this but I'm not sure I'm qualified.
I believe that love exists but I don't believe that I will ever have it.
I live fast and I'm going to die in a blaze of glory at an early age. I just don't have time for things like love so I'm quite satisfied with lust.
In that context, all of my relationships are open. It works for me.
I believe that love exists but I don't believe that I will ever have it.
I live fast and I'm going to die in a blaze of glory at an early age. I just don't have time for things like love so I'm quite satisfied with lust.
In that context, all of my relationships are open. It works for me.
MollyRoger
Lieutenant Junior Grade
I define that special someone as someone who makes my toes curl and eyes cross with pleasure on a regular basis. And just because I find one who does that does not mean I won't take applications from others.
