Dumped

[Scout101]

like i've been saying, doesn't seem like many of the problems that led to the creation of this thread have been dealt with head on. They hit a VOY-style reset button and just pretended none of it happened....

Now that's the kind of love advice I like to see on a Star Trek message board!!

Hey, I like to stay with the theme on occasion. Plus, better chance of being understood here if you couch the advice in terms we understand

Engagement rings mean nothing anyway. You don't need one to get engaged and any woman who would insist on one is going to be trouble...

Good luck with that. It's true enough that you don't NEED an expensive ring, and cost doesn't equal love, all of that. Even if you propose with a cracker jack secret decoder ring, though, at some point she's probably going to want you to replace it. And saying that anyone who insists on a ring is trouble? Again, good luck with that argument. Doesn't have to be expensive, but symbols still mean something. If you have no interest in a ring, that's fine, but hardly a common belief...

Anyway, back to the point, until Apostle actually proposes, all of his "we're going to get married" talk is just as meaningful as it was 6 months ago, right before he started this thread. It's just talk.

Why not propose? Know you were ring shopping, or at least talking about it, a year or two ago. Why didn't you do it, if you're sure she's the one? Unless the rough patch that started this thread was ignored rather than addressed and resolved, and you're afraid that proposing might force the issue again?

 

[John Picard]

Engagement rings mean nothing anyway. You don't need one to get engaged and any woman who would insist on one is going to be trouble...

Oh man, isn't that the truth. Been there but didn't follow through.

 

[cultcross]

Engagement rings mean nothing anyway. You don't need one to get engaged and any woman who would insist on one is going to be trouble...

I dunno... I think it depends on other attitudes. If they're a generally 'buy me drinks', 'buy me dinner', expect-you-to-pay-for-everything type then yes, trouble is a-brewin'. But if they're generally independent, fair, and not money-minded, I don't think wanting to do a traditional marriage with diamond ring is necessarily a trouble sign.

 

[apostle83]

Until he actually proposes, means jack. I've been in 3 relationships where marriage was at least discussed as a possible long term goal. Until you buy a ring, it's just talk...

Exactly. That's why I said you could not refer to me as though I'm engaged.

You guys are acting like you're telling me some deep truth I don't know.

 

[John Picard]

Until he actually proposes, means jack. I've been in 3 relationships where marriage was at least discussed as a possible long term goal. Until you buy a ring, it's just talk...

Exactly. That's why I said you could not refer to me as though I'm engaged.

You guys are acting like you're telling me some deep truth I don't know.

You're not engaged, but you're going to marry this woman. What is missing from this equation?

 

[Deckerd]

Good luck with that. It's true enough that you don't NEED an expensive ring, and cost doesn't equal love, all of that. Even if you propose with a cracker jack secret decoder ring, though, at some point she's probably going to want you to replace it. And saying that anyone who insists on a ring is trouble? Again, good luck with that argument. Doesn't have to be expensive, but symbols still mean something. If you have no interest in a ring, that's fine, but hardly a common belief...

A quick look round this office shows 6 married women, none with an engagement ring. One has a pile of rubies but she's been collecting them since she got married.

 

[apostle83]

Until he actually proposes, means jack. I've been in 3 relationships where marriage was at least discussed as a possible long term goal. Until you buy a ring, it's just talk...

Exactly. That's why I said you could not refer to me as though I'm engaged.

You guys are acting like you're telling me some deep truth I don't know.

You're not engaged, but you're going to marry this woman. What is missing from this equation?

Her being 1300 miles from me for the next 12-16 months has a great bearing on our status.

 

[John Picard]

Exactly. That's why I said you could not refer to me as though I'm engaged.

You guys are acting like you're telling me some deep truth I don't know.

You're not engaged, but you're going to marry this woman. What is missing from this equation?

Her being 1300 miles from me for the next 12-16 months has a great bearing on our status.

So, what makes you believe the two of you are going to get married?

 

[TheBrew]

Actually, you could probably get one for much cheaper now, than say 4 years ago.

I'd just hate to hear a report that stated, "TheBrew bought the farm!"

Mr Awe

[Stewey]

Land is good.

[/Stewey]

 

[apostle83]

You're not engaged, but you're going to marry this woman. What is missing from this equation?

Her being 1300 miles from me for the next 12-16 months has a great bearing on our status.

So, what makes you believe the two of you are going to get married?

1. Our deep abiding love.
2. We both wish to marry each other, and have discussed engagement and wedding timelines.

 

[Deckerd]

We both wish to marry each other, and have discussed engagement and wedding timelines.

Why are you emphasising the 'each other' bit? Is there a third in the play somewhere?

I don't understand planning to get engaged. It's pointless. Why not ignore the engaged part and just plan to get married?

 

[John Picard]

Her being 1300 miles from me for the next 12-16 months has a great bearing on our status.

So, what makes you believe the two of you are going to get married?

1. Our deep abiding love.
2. We both wish to marry each other, and have discussed engagement and wedding timelines.

But yet you aren't engaged? I think you two still have issues if you're *talking* about engagement, but aren't engaged, yet you're discussing marriage

IMHO, both of you need to shit or get off of the pot.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Engagement rings mean nothing anyway. You don't need one to get engaged and any woman who would insist on one is going to be trouble...

I hear ya.

My ex-GF was like that. She practically yelled at me to get her a ring. Wouldn't leave me alone about it...until I finally gave in. Yeah, I know, a hell of a way to start a life together, right? Then a month after we were engaged, she...disengaged.

To give you an idea how long ago this was: After I pawned the ring, I used part of the money to buy Star Trek IV - on laserdisc....

 

[Deckerd]

To give you an idea how long ago this was: After I pawned the ring, I used part of the money to buy Star Trek IV - on laserdisc....

Great save, if a little betamaxey.

 

[Scout101]

A quick look round this office shows 6 married women, none with an engagement ring. One has a pile of rubies but she's been collecting them since she got married.

And do you believe that is a representative sample? Of the 3 girls in the office down the hall, all 3 have rings. Which do you think is closer to the norm? Afraid it's a pretty common practice, regardless of your personal opinion. Not every bride wears white down the aisle, either, and you can definitely find some who didn't, but most do...

Exactly. That's why I said you could not refer to me as though I'm engaged.

You guys are acting like you're telling me some deep truth I don't know.

You're not engaged, but you're going to marry this woman. What is missing from this equation?

Her being 1300 miles from me for the next 12-16 months has a great bearing on our status.

Only way I see that being a factor is if you are (or she still is) unsure if it's really going to work out for you. If you're positive that everything is fine, and you're going to be married for sure, why not propose and make it official? Distance isn'ta factor in that, as if that's the case, you're just as engaged no matter where you live. Distance is only an issue if you're worried it might not work out.

And if you are NOT sure that marriage is going to happen, or distance might indeed come between you, and you're holding off on proposing for that reason, you should stop running around saying that you're going to get married, along with all the associated planning, because it doesn't represent the truth of the relationship at this time.

 

[Deckerd]

A quick look round this office shows 6 married women, none with an engagement ring. One has a pile of rubies but she's been collecting them since she got married.

And do you believe that is a representative sample? Of the 3 girls in the office down the hall, all 3 have rings. Which do you think is closer to the norm? Afraid it's a pretty common practice, regardless of your personal opinion. Not every bride wears white down the aisle, either, and you can definitely find some who didn't, but most do...

My sweeping generalisations are just as valid as your sweeping generalisations.

 

[apostle83]

A quick look round this office shows 6 married women, none with an engagement ring. One has a pile of rubies but she's been collecting them since she got married.

And do you believe that is a representative sample? Of the 3 girls in the office down the hall, all 3 have rings. Which do you think is closer to the norm? Afraid it's a pretty common practice, regardless of your personal opinion. Not every bride wears white down the aisle, either, and you can definitely find some who didn't, but most do...

You're not engaged, but you're going to marry this woman. What is missing from this equation?

Her being 1300 miles from me for the next 12-16 months has a great bearing on our status.

Only way I see that being a factor is if you are (or she still is) unsure if it's really going to work out for you. If you're positive that everything is fine, and you're going to be married for sure, why not propose and make it official? Distance isn'ta factor in that, as if that's the case, you're just as engaged no matter where you live. Distance is only an issue if you're worried it might not work out.

And if you are NOT sure that marriage is going to happen, or distance might indeed come between you, and you're holding off on proposing for that reason, you should stop running around saying that you're going to get married, along with all the associated planning, because it doesn't represent the truth of the relationship at this time.

Maybe since I'm in the relationship, you should STFU and not try to tell me what represents the truth of my relationship.

 

[SeerSGB]

A quick look round this office shows 6 married women, none with an engagement ring. One has a pile of rubies but she's been collecting them since she got married.

And do you believe that is a representative sample? Of the 3 girls in the office down the hall, all 3 have rings. Which do you think is closer to the norm? Afraid it's a pretty common practice, regardless of your personal opinion. Not every bride wears white down the aisle, either, and you can definitely find some who didn't, but most do...

Her being 1300 miles from me for the next 12-16 months has a great bearing on our status.

Only way I see that being a factor is if you are (or she still is) unsure if it's really going to work out for you. If you're positive that everything is fine, and you're going to be married for sure, why not propose and make it official? Distance isn'ta factor in that, as if that's the case, you're just as engaged no matter where you live. Distance is only an issue if you're worried it might not work out.

And if you are NOT sure that marriage is going to happen, or distance might indeed come between you, and you're holding off on proposing for that reason, you should stop running around saying that you're going to get married, along with all the associated planning, because it doesn't represent the truth of the relationship at this time.

Maybe since I'm in the relationship, you should STFU and not try to tell me what represents the truth of my relationship.

A little close to the mark?

He's right though. Till you're engaged-- ring, no ring, you make official-- than all you are doing is barking about something that neither of you have really committed fully to doing.

If their is a question about your maybe or maybe not being getting married, then you need to sit down and discuss it seriously. Face it head on, and found if it's something really is a possibility-- in which case, you take the next step and make it official. And if it's still all talk and neither one of you want to make the next step, then it's time to look at the relationship seriously and see if you're really just dragging out a slow death are just to scared to admit that it's a dead end.

Distance has no bearing on being engaged or not. Fuck it, when I was engaged to my wife, she was living in Canada, we hadn't even met for the first time, and we turned out perfectly fine.

Sometimes you just have to jump off the cliff and see what happens.

 

[John Picard]

A quick look round this office shows 6 married women, none with an engagement ring. One has a pile of rubies but she's been collecting them since she got married.

And do you believe that is a representative sample? Of the 3 girls in the office down the hall, all 3 have rings. Which do you think is closer to the norm? Afraid it's a pretty common practice, regardless of your personal opinion. Not every bride wears white down the aisle, either, and you can definitely find some who didn't, but most do...

Her being 1300 miles from me for the next 12-16 months has a great bearing on our status.

Only way I see that being a factor is if you are (or she still is) unsure if it's really going to work out for you. If you're positive that everything is fine, and you're going to be married for sure, why not propose and make it official? Distance isn'ta factor in that, as if that's the case, you're just as engaged no matter where you live. Distance is only an issue if you're worried it might not work out.

And if you are NOT sure that marriage is going to happen, or distance might indeed come between you, and you're holding off on proposing for that reason, you should stop running around saying that you're going to get married, along with all the associated planning, because it doesn't represent the truth of the relationship at this time.

Maybe since I'm in the relationship, you should STFU and not try to tell me what represents the truth of my relationship.

Hey, you opened yourself up for criticism by posting it on teh InterWeb Thingy, so don't get riled up at what's lobbed your way. He's 100% correct in his assertions.

 

[Red Ranger]

Well, this started as a thread about being dumped over religion, and it's certainly mutated. My favorite dumped story was this woman I dated for about a year broke up with me via e-mail. Almost as bad as the post-it note breakup in Sex & the City. She did me a favor! -- RR