Caption Contest 19: Press Escargot

[cooleddie74]

"Captain's Personal Starlog...July 16, 2155...

Finally had sexual intercourse with Commander T'Pol today.

If only she had been awake at the time it might have been even more pleasurable."

 

[cooleddie74]

"According to the translation of the Vulcan Cultural Database, these Khreetassians not only have a very indecipherable language...they also tend to be subplots of very stupid episodes involving a lot of sexual innuendo and slapstick."

 

[Nerys Myk]

"According to the translation of the Vulcan Cultural Database, these Khreetassians not only have a very indecipherable language...they also tend to be subplots of very stupid episodes involving a lot of sexual innuendo and slapstick."

Three's Company fans?

 

[Alyssa]

Archer: ... and then have Travis maintain warp 2.3.

Hoshi: And then?

Archer: and then you can go to lunch.

Hoshi: And then?

Archer: And then .. erm .. I don't know, your shift will be over, whatever you want.

Hoshi: ...... And then?

Archer: Hoshi are you fuc**ng with me?

Hoshi: - :Snicker:


Sorry couldn't help my self, I love that movie!

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

Archer: "Can't... stop... browsing... TVTropes..."

 

[rhodeschroma]

Archer: ... and then have Travis maintain warp 2.3.

Hoshi: And then?

Archer: and then you can go to lunch.

Hoshi: And then?

Archer: And then .. erm .. I don't know, your shift will be over, whatever you want.

Hoshi: ...... And then?

Archer: Hoshi are you fuc**ng with me?

Hoshi: - ..... And Then ... And Then. Heh HEh

And then Along Came Jones... Tall Thin Jones, Slow Walking Jones....
(I'm sorry, I couldn't resist - It's all I could hear in my head when I read the caption...)

 

[Shatmandu]

Archer: "Hoshi, could someone bring a mop bucket, some bleach, and a case of trash bags and leave them outside my door? And ... let Starfleet know that T'Pol ... has decided to take a sudden, permanent leave of absence ..."

 

[Rat Boy]

Archer: "I thought I told Trip I wanted a dimmer switch!"

 

[cooleddie74]

"Great.

My Morgan Stanley stock just tanked. I'm flat broke!"

 

[cooleddie74]

Captain Archer preferred more subtle mood lighting for those evenings when he wanted to make out with the doorway-mounted cheese grater.

 

[jgdst]

Archer: There's gotta be some similar animal in the database... Ah! Here it is!

Archer: All hands, this is the Captain. When I was a young man trekking in Africa, I saw a giraffe...

Archer: Whew! I'm safe! Have I got that insectoid shit on me again?! What the hell made the crew mutiny on me like that? Again?!

 

[Shatmandu]

Archer: "Once I finish my list of all contributors to the Enterprise caption contests, I shall murder their descendants ..."

 

[Nerys Myk]

ARCHER: Hoshi??? How did you get trapped in this wall??

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

Archer: "Archer to Bridge. Can you pump some shaving cream down to the wall-mounted razor in Corridor G-28?"

Wall razors. Starfleet engineering at its finest.

Archer: "You should have seen this corridor after Phlox was done shaving his Knee Pubes. I thought Trip had put some carpet in."

 

[Turd Ferguson]

"Jesus. I just stumbled on an old 21st century message board called the TrekBBS. Apparently, the server self destructed at some point on May 8, 2009. T'Pol, check the Vulcan and Terran database. We need to find the significance of this date."

"All hands, this is the Captain. I have a very urgent message that I need everybody to stop what they're doing and listen very, very carefully. Penis. That is all."

"Ah. Nothing feels better after a tense hostage situation than leaning into an entire console of knobs, buttons and switches."

 

[Piper]

Captain Archer began to think that sticking his iPod onto the wall wasn't such a good idea after all.

Having run out of space, Archer went online to buy a new CD rack.

One of the less exciting moments in Enterprise history, this is a picture from the famous "Archer tries not to sneeze" scene.

 

[Gertch]

"Ah. Nothing feels better after a tense hostage situation than leaning into an entire console of knobs, buttons and switches."

Especially with water spraying out of it. What episode is this from?

"Bridge - I've got what seems to be a shadow alien following me and trying to stop me from using this intercom right now!"

 

[Triskelion]

"Ah. Nothing feels better after a tense hostage situation than leaning into an entire console of knobs, buttons and switches."

Especially with water spraying out of it. What episode is this from?

That'd be Coldfront.

- Hoshi, am I any closer to the bridge now?
- Sir, how did you end up on Columbia?

Archer: T'Pol, what's my pin number again?
T'Pol: Remember, you said it was the same as your shoe size.
Archer: Oh, right. 1008.
Reed: <looks confusedly at T'Pol>
T'Pol: <shrugs>

Archer: Set power system junction J-63 diode alpha 437-Q from .008 terahertz to .007. There, did that do it?
T'Pol: Confirmed, Captain. We are now no longer flying in upside-down figure eights in the Neutral Zone.
Archer: Ahhhhh. <leans back>
T'Pol: Sir, you just dumped waste extraction into the food replication system. Proceed to junction Z-25.
Archer <slapping forehead>: Stupid! Stupid!

 

[Shatmandu]

Archer: "Hmm. If Vulcan men have forked penises, that would mean the women have ... <pushes Com button> Archer to Tucker. Archer to Tucker."

 

[cooleddie74]

"Crap.

Wikipedia's never reliable anymore."