Caption Contest 19: Press Escargot

[Triskelion]

Well happy merry holidays all! The last contest went by with surprisingly little technicolor yawning!

But it might be best to go ahead and apply the brain bleach....
​

This week's contest saw TWO winners win TWICE! Each won for a regular caption and also a special category! Keep in mind you can DOUBLE YOUR PRIZES and double the fun! So congratulations go out to our double trouble winners:

Hannukah Jitty and No Penguins!

Our third winner wins for the second week in a row, nice going! Since this is your second week in a row, go ahead and DOUBLE YOUR PRIZE too!
Cooleddie74, come on down!

Don Pardo, tell 'em what they win...


The Naughty or Nice Mystery Box!!!

<Ooooh Aaaaah Murmur Murmur Murmur>

And now:
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First Image:

Braga: "Marooned for all eternity... as comic relief... comic relief..."

Trip: "BRAAAGAAAAAAAAAA!!!"

Second Image:

HOSHI: Stop crying, you pansy. I haven't even switched it on yet!

Bonus Image:

MISTER SATO:"You and my daughter better hurry back to Earth, Captain! You'll both need to get in on the newest fashions before jacket lapels shrink and vanish completely!"

Photoshop Award:

HOSHI: I don't think you're doing it right.

Multicap Award:

"Theorizing that one could time-travel within his own lifetime, Commander Tucker led an elite group of scientists onboard the NX-01 to develop a top-secret project known as Quantum Leap. Pressured to prove his theories or lose his rank, Commander Tucker prematurely stepped into the Quantum Accelerator, and vanished.

He awoke to find himself in the past, suffering from partial amnesia and facing a mirror image that was not his own. Fortunately, contact with his own time was maintained through brain-wave transmissions with Hoshi, who appears in the form of a hologram that only Commander Tucker can see and hear. Trapped in the past, Commander Tucker finds himself leaping from life to life, putting things right that once went wrong, and hoping each time that his next leap will be the leap home."

Trip: "Oh boy."

Archer: "Bitch stole my gig."

Now open your Mystery Box and Merry Holidays!...........
You get:

The Naughty Package!

One Vulcan Kama Sutra

One Communicator with Naughty Contact List

One Shaft Wax

Vulcan Summer Sausage and Assorted Cheese Gift Basket which you can sample while a hot Vulcan shows you naughty pics from her academy days!

and finally:

One Dermal Regenerator - you're gonna need it!



And there's more! Each and every one of our captioners will be taking home:

A Press Your Luck Home Game...
No Whammies!

...and a year's supply of Rice-a-Roni!
It's the San Francisco Treat!


Our next contest:

I couldn't find anything really holiday-related, so instead we're trying something new: screencaps from various episodes that just go together somehow.

In the spirit of giving, here are some screencaps of a gift that bites back from Precious Cargo and Coldfront (See? Winter holiday gift-giving related!). Captain Archer presses his luck and gets all his buttons pushed:

_____________________________________________
Press On!

 

[Rat Boy]

Archer: "I keep putting the Clapper on my Christmas list and no one gets it for me."

MISTER SATO:"You and my daughter better hurry back to Earth, Captain! You'll both need to get in on the newest fashions before..."

*click*

Archer: "And I thought Reed's parents are annoying."

On a ship like Enterprise in the 22nd Century, where planets are few and far between, C Deck Section 5 was the only place to unburden one's self, hence its nickname: "the Fart Corner."

 

[jgdst]

Archer: Archer to T'Pol... I've got a bit of a problem here.
T'Pol: I'm busy.

Archer: AHA! Found it... stop... drop and... I can't quite make out this last bit. Archer to T'Pol...
T'Pol: No.

Archer: AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH. Thank God for that, I was a bit worried there. I think I just figured out why they called it "Launch Bay Two"...

 

[cooleddie74]

"Can someone help me with this thing?

How do I get it to upload jpegs?"

"Here, Admiral...I'm transmitting my logs on our encounter with the Huge-Breasted Cat Women of Vulva VII right now."

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Damn Trip or T'Pol are never around when my back acne starts flaring up."

 

[Nerys Myk]

COMPUTER: Self destruct initiated...

ARCHER: Uh oh...

 

[cooleddie74]

"Archer to Bridge.

Travis, set course for planet Risa...Warp Four.

And go down to my quarters and fetch my best assless boxers."

HAL: "What are you doing, Jon?"

ARCHER:"Nothing."

HAL:"That's not what the clumsy and incoherent Braga script for this week says, Jon.

I'm going to have to ask you to cease and desist...and step away from the computer monitor."

TRIP off-screen:"Well, that does it.

I can't use the new snack and sandwich vending machine if the Captain's rubbin' all over it!"

 

[TheGodBen]

Archer: $0.99 for Faith of the Heart on iTunes? They should be paying me to download it.

 

[Alyssa]

Archer: Is it this one?

Archer: THIS one?

Three hours later
Archer: Aww finally, if I find the person that put "Last Christmas" on repeat I'm gonna rip them apart.

 

[SFRabid]

Archer: "Captain to the bridge. What is going on? ... Bridge? ... T'Pol? ... Anyone? ... Someone answer me...."

T'Pol tells Merriweather: "It is your turn to go remind the captain to release the button so he can hear us reply."

Archer to himself: "What? Trips makes twice my salery. How did that happen. Only T'Pol and I have access to payroll functions."

Set backdrops changed drastically after set designers discovered what authentic panel boards from Star Trek series bring on Ebay.

 

[Finn]

Old Spock off screen: "Oh, my bad. Please disregard all those things I told you about the future. I thought you were the reboot Kirk. I'm a century too early. You will be still thin and have hair. Oh and you will get invited to his wedding"

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

Thanx for the win!

Archer: "Oooh, dimmer switches. Fancy."

Archer: "What the hell does it mean 'you need administrative privelages'? I am the goddamned administrator!"

It was a forbidden love.

Between a man.

And a computer bank.

 

[cooleddie74]

"What does this one do?"

(*Click*)


ENTERPRISE explodes like a dying sun

"This Trek BBS is getting stupider and stupider with each passing year.

And this Cooleddie guy...sheeeeeeesh.

I feel like jumping in Decon after just reading his crap."

"Oooooooooooooooooh, yeah, baby...

I love it when you give me interface like that. More.

I want it in the aft readout."

 

[cooleddie74]

"KIRK1ADM got banned again?

Meh. Who couldn't see that coming."

 

[Mistral]

After Number 6 got into his head, Archer's life got a lot more interesting. He stopped taking so many cold showers and, instead, used the water he'd saved to launder his uniforms a bit more often. They needed it.

 

[Mistral]

Archer(thinking): "I'm bored. Let's turn off the gravity on Deck Five and see what happens."

 

[Nerys Myk]

ARCHER: Why don't they ever announce the Water Polo standings on these so called "sports" stations?

ARCHER: Carl Spock,Assless chaps Picard, but nothing from Enterprise! What does a Trek show have to do to get freaking a meme around here?

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Archer: Can you hear me?

Archer: ...how 'bout now?

Archer: Ah, f**k Verizon... even in space no one can hear me!

 

[cooleddie74]

"Archer to T'Pol.

Kiss my pasty white Terran ass. Over."

"The new subspace relays we've been dropping have made ordering from NETFLIX easier than ever!"

Archer enjoyed the love that dare not speak its name.

The love of a grown human male for brightly-lit computer interfaces with access ports.

 

[cooleddie74]

"I've been telling Admiral Forrest since we first launched...these Magic Slates are just too damn tiny to draw anything on."

 

[Alrik]

"Dominos Delivery. I have your order here."