TOS Caption Contest #107: The Inmate Runs The Asylum

[scottydog]

Kirk: "If we squat down, the firing squad might miss us."

 

[Outpost4]

Kirk: When we pop out, I bet we can make Rand shit in her pants.
Spock: Tee-hee.

 

[scottydog]

Scotty: "Nervous?"

Redshirt: "Yes."

Scotty: "First time?"

Redshirt: "No, I've been nervous lots of times."

 

[Outpost4]

Chekov needed to stop getting so worked up over the daily tracking polls.

 

[Outpost4]

Scotty: Bloody hell, I said, do you have readout on the anti-matter levels, Ensign Kumbaya.

 

[Shatmandu]

Spock: "If this culture is supposed to be so primitive, why are there automatic hand dryers in this public restroom?"

Kirk, offscreen: "Say 'chee-eeese!' <a flash, then a pause as he looks at the image in the camera> Goddammit, Sulu ..."

Crewman Triplechin: "To think, the guy singing that song gave he head in Rec Room Five last night. Groovy!"

 

[Shatmandu]

Takei, thinking: "I'm glad I won't be sitting here making these faces for the rest of my life ..."

Scotty accidentally hits the button for the in-toilet camera in Spock's quarters.

 

[Rat Boy]

Scotty: "Ach, it hasn't a been this bad since they recreated Woodstock on the hangar deck."

 

[26138]

Scotty's inflatable autopilot was now ready for fleet-wide testing. Sulu volunteered to keep it inflated.

 

[Shatmandu]

Scotty: "Och! Only a fookin' tube would like this kinda music ... <realizes> Eh, uh, present company excepted, Ensign Chunkstyle."

With McCoy on vacation, it fell to Nurse Chapel to give the crew their monthly sex ed lecture.

 

[M'Sharak]

"Captain! It's... Chekov, what is that?"
"Eet's another one of those lame viewscreen graphics the crewman down in
Auxeeleearry Control keeps slipping in. None of dem make any sense!"

 

[cooleddie74]

Where will YOU be when your synthesized Texas Four Alarm chili comes back for a visit?

SULU:"Dammit, Pavel.

This is the last time I play PONG on the main viewer with you when the Captain and Mr. Spock aren't on the bridge! You cheat!"

 

[cooleddie74]

SCOTTY:"Wha...what's that BORGAS FRAT smell comin' from? Like livin' DEATH it is!!"

REDSHIRT:"Ahhhhhhhhhhhh..."

 

[Sector 7]

Spock: I don't think we should be here, Captain.
Kirk: Quiet, Spock. The yeomen are coming in for their nightly showers.

Chekov: Wrong hidden camera, Sulu. Dees is de men's showers...
Sulu: Yeah, Pavel. I'll change it in a moment...

Redshirt: ...Somewhere beyond the stars....
Scotty: Damn you, Gene... we dinna need lyrics!

 

[highlander]

Spock: "Captain, those leg warmers make you look kinda gay."
Kirk: "Oh yes and that cape of yours is really manly. Back off sister girl."

 

[M'Sharak]

Kirk: Wait a minute - you didn't see Lefors out there did you?
Spock: Lefors? No, why?
Kirk: Thank God for that. For a moment there I thought we were in trouble.

 

[26138]

It's a good thing Captain Kirk is carrying a pair of Shamwows on his shins, as he may get dirty while judging the annual yeoman bikini mud wrestling contest.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Ooh, I won. Yay is me, thanks to the Academy, the Admiralty, Security, and Waste Extraction!

Spock: "Surely you should have realised when Sulu said his birthday party would be fancy dress..."

Kirk: "Shut up and backs against the wall... Gay Cavalier!"

Chekov: "I finally found vhat you were looking for Sulu, Two Guys, Vun Cup, but vhy watch it here?"

Sulu: "Ooh, rewind and zoom in..."

Redshirt: "I'm not looking, I'm not looking!"

Redshirt: "In the blue ridge mountains of Virginia..."
Scotty: " On the trail of the lonesome pine..."

 

[Diesel Micky Dolenz]

Thanks for the win!

Spock brings crop dusting to the 23rd Century.

 

[cooleddie74]

COY TREK

The Swishy Generation

"VEN is de bathroom going to be awailable?!

I've got a Siberian turtle head poking out...and it HURTS."

REDSHIRT:"Turn that up, Scotty...


'You Don't Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrring me Flowwwwwwwwwwwwwers...'"

(*Sniffles*)