Contest: ENTER Voyager Caption Contest #248: The One Where Janeway Won't Stop Talking

[Orac]

Welcome to the first all new Star Trek Voyager Caption Contest of 2026! Now in HD

This contest will feature pictures from the 5th season episode of Star Trek Voyager: 11:59

But first here're the winners of the last contest..

The highly coveted Best Fart Joke goes to @tharpdevenport with:

Tim Russ: Singing, "Last Christmas, I gave you my fart, but the very next day, you blew it away. This year to save you some tears, I'll give it to somebody special..."


@Oddish wins the prestigious Captain's Choice with:

Back a year later, by absolutely no demand at all, popular or otherwise...

JANEWAY: "Welcome to the second annual Voyager ugly Christmas sweater contest."
HARRY: "But... we're all wearing the same sweaters we wore last year."
SEVEN: "Speak for yourself. I am still wearing a catsuit."
JANEWAY: "We didn't have enough energy to replicate new sweaters."
HARRY: "But... there's no point in having another contest when we're all wearing the same sweaters as befo..."
JANEWAY: "Ensign, if you don't shut up right now, you're going to be eating your clarinet."


@Nerys Myk wins fourth prize with:

Seven: This method seems inefficient and a waste of resources.


@Laura Cynthia Chambers wins third prize with:

Janeway: "We'll be home soon. Keep those chins up."
Neelix: "All of them?"
Tuvok: "My neck is beginning to ache."


@Leviathan comes second with:

Boimler: (sigh) I'll get my holodeck filter cleaning gloves....again....


And the winner is @Nerys Myk with:

Janeway: 'Sup.


Here're th' new pictures:

Bonus Picture:

 

[Oddish]

Yay! My ugly sweater contest won! Thanks as always, both for the win and for keeping these contests going.

No story just yet, but maybe later. Meantime, some one-shots.

JANEWAY: "I REALLY don't want to talk about what I did to Tuvix right now."

TOM: "The key to getting properly fresh breath is to gargle your mouthwash for at least 30 seconds."

JANEWAY: "As we ring in the new year, let's all say what we hope for in the new year. I'll start: that Voyager will finally get home."
B'ELANNA: "I hope I can get through the year without shoving any subordinates' heads into the warp core."
EMH: "I hope I'll get an assistant who isn't determined to be the most annoying person on the ship."
TOM: "Hey! I resent that!"
EMH: "Good."
JANEWAY: "Good! Neelix, what about you?"
NEELIX: "I hope I'll get a better wardrobe this year. I still look like a sofa in a cheesy motel."
SEVEN: "At least your clothes don't look like they were spray painted on."
JANEWAY: "I'll take it under advisement. Mr. Kim, how about you?"
HARRY: "Urk."
TOM: "He can't talk, Captain. You force-fed him his clarinet, remember?"
JANEWAY: "Oh, right."

 

[Orac]

In the 32nd century the Doctor's holo-dick is detachable.

 

[Bad Thoughts]

Alex Trebeck: Starfleet's most terrifying badmiral?
EMH: Who is Harry Kim?

 

[Oddish]

I assume Alex is a hologram too... or did they clone him?

 

[Bad Thoughts]

I assume Alex is a hologram too... or did they clone him?

Yes.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Doctor: "Asking questions out of turn, that's a zappin'. Looking out the window, that's a zappin'. Staring at my holographic bald head, that's a zappin'. Zappin' the zapper, oh, you better believe that's a zappin'..."

 

[Orac]

Doctor: "Pointing out my flubbed lines, that's a zappin' too."

 

[tharpdevenport]

Janeway: "waitwaitwait ... did you hear that? It sounded like ... like a fart ... from just outside this room..."

 

[Nerys Myk]

JANEWAY: Wait, Kirk traveled to the center of the Galaxy and back in how long?????

JANEWAY: Here's to seven more years!!!
CREW: What the....????

The Doctor begins his slideshow detailing 800 years of vacation photos.

PARIS: Ahhhh, good to the last drop.
JANEWAY: Paris!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PARIS: Gotta run!

 

[tharpdevenport]

Janeway: "Here's to blowing all of our ugly Christmas sweaters out an airlock."

 

[Oddish]

Tom (to Harry): "I'll give you three to one we still have another ugly sweater contest next year."
Harry: [blows a B-flat on his clarinet, yes it's STILL stuck in his throat]

 

[Bad Thoughts]

Harry: There it is! They can't kick us out of the bookstore now. "No one is illegal on stolen land" indeed!

Shannon: Given how white we are, that statement seems self-serving.

 

[tharpdevenport]

In an attempt to make Neelix feel like he's funny and not a painful bore, Tom would just leave his head titled back and his mouth open at the ready for a couple of quick "HA HA" huffs.

 

[Nerys Myk]

PARIS: So she's like, "Yeah I'm gonna need you to come in on Saturday."
JANEWAY: Paris!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PARIS: Gotta run.

 

[tharpdevenport]

"Hello, and welcome to Celebrity Jeopardy 3190. Today's celebrity guests include--"

BEEP BEEP

"Ah, Doctor, you appear to have accidentally hit your buzzer early."

Doctor: "Who are you?"

"The host. Anyway, on toda--"

BEEP BEEP

"Doctor, you have accidentally buzzed in again."

Doctor: "What is this thing?"

"It's your buzzer, sir. Sooo, on today's celebrity roster we have a man who--"

BEEP BEEP

"Yes, Doctor?"

Doctor: "Why am I here?"

"Because you are purportedly a celebrity, Doctor."

BEEP BEEP

"What did you want, Doctor?"

Doctor: "I'll take The rapists for $400, Alex."

"We've not begun yet. Also in the celebrity cast is T--"

BEEP BEEP

"Doctor?"

Doctor: "Where am I? I need a digital nap. It's time for holographic Matlock."

"rrriiiiiggggghhhhhttttt....."

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

And now, time for another game of "spot the standee"....

 

[tharpdevenport]

Janeway: "Here's to taking all senior staff away from duty stations and keeping up with subordinates, and getting drunk while on duty! I'm such an awful captain."

 

[Orac]

Neelix: Tuvok left the room 10 minutes ago Tom, you can stop holding your breath now.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Tom, getting ready to deep throat the Stalagmite of Penisrockocles as it finally starts to fall from the ceiling.