I'm not in love, just because
- Thread starter Gryffindorian
- Start date
What is the worse that can happen, the person declines, that does not mean there is something wrong with you, it is just that person is not meant for you at that moment in time, and if the respondant is rude, who wants a rude partner anyway?
Person says No. Guess what, the earth is still rotating on its axis, tomorow is another day.
No one is obligated to like you all the time and you are definitely not obligated to like everyone else. Sign up to some dating sites, or meetup groups. I resisted for years and then I joined a few with no expections and had fun meeting different people until I met someone where we both clicked. Trust me I was more than content being on my own with my two cats...
If you look for another human being to MAKE you happy you will fail (no one has that much power, trust me) however if you find peace and contentment in yourself before reaching out to someone its a better place to start. But if you decide that you love 'me, myself and 'I then go for it!
P.S I know the USA has huge racial, melanin and cultural baggage but have you considered dating outside your ethnic comfort zone?
Also remember the other 7 billion human beings on our planet, need to sleep, eat, fart and use the toilet just like you do.
I have been happily "self partnered" for decades and will likely stay single until I draw my last breath, not because I'm avoiding human contact, but because things are complicated for me, or I see them as complicated. My diabetes, my anxiety and insecurities, my sense of independence - I refer to these collectively as my neuroticism. I just think it would be unfair for my future partner to have to be in a relationship with me. My lifestyle, habits, and personality as a whole would be incompatible with others. I take long naps on weekends. I tend to be laid back and low-energy. I don't like sports. As I already indicated, I'm scared to get physically intimate with other guys.
The driving force has been mostly the fact that I'm not a believer that everyone on the planet should be in a relationship in order to be happy. I happen to have much older friends who are happily divorced or never married and had kids. But like I said, once in a while, temptation comes and I start to wonder what if. Sad, I know, but that's my nature.
If you're happy, I really don't think it's sad.
I am glad that you are comfortable as you are. Weekends were made for naps, I think. Not everyone goes out and runs 20km and then goes paddleboarding. You have friends, you're not cloistered from humanity and most importantly you're happy.
But without trying to make it seem like you need to be in a romantic relationship, nothing in the way you describe yourself sounds at all like you're a poor candidate for one. Everyone is complicated. I'd be far more wary of someone that WASN'T. Independent weekend nap taking folks that aren't into terribly sports sound like about like my kind of people.
I'm a Memphis Grizzlies fan, so I don't like basketball.Well, I'm big on naps, but I always TiVo the game to watch when I wake up.
Yeah, watching sports on tv is something I look forward to doing as soon as I am paralyzed from the neck down.
I have a friend who's in a wheelchair. He does more sports than I do!!!!
Last edited:
Nobody cares or is intimidated by your awe inspiring manliness, Macho Fan Randy Savage. We just think the bragging is hilarious.
Security cameras were on scene to record this epic struggle of wills:
I would get out more, but now I'm afraid some Testosterone-Fueled Karate Vampire™ will use his powers to glamour me into immobility without breaking a sweat (because the undead don't sweat).
I can't say I am surprised that you're the one missing the point by the greatest distance. After all, you're the one who earlier "decreed" that I wasn't entitled to an opinion. Big Brother's got nothing on you.
This one is for you, "Big Guy":
Atypical? Maybe. Unusual? Possibly. Invalid? Shit no. Been doing it all my damn life & got no plans to back out now, 48 years in. Got me a touch of the Autism/Asperger's whathaveyou, & don't even like being around people most of the time, don't like being touched by them, most of them wear on my patience, some of them got voices that are like nails on a chalkboard to me. Don't know WTF I'd do if I had to find common ground with someone enough to bond for long term, close quarters whatnot. Probably lose my shit & need to get mental aid. Not in my toolbox. I'm ok with that. Anybody who thinks I'm coming up short in the big game can suck a big bag of dicks, not to put too sharp a point on it.
The only exhausting problem I ever have to deal with is how much pretending I'm like other people I want to bother doing, if at all.
This fan fiction is not as exciting as your earlier work. Needs more karate.I can't say I am surprised that you're the one missing the point by the greatest distance. After all, you're the one who earlier "decreed" that I wasn't entitled to an opinion. Big Brother's got nothing on you.
I am not sure whether you have talked yourself into this point of view because you believe you have qualites that are diificult for another human to deal with OR you are truely content with your point of view. If its the former deciding on behalf of other people that your personality is too neurotic is unfair to them, is it not best to let other people make that decision for themself? The only barrier to not being single is you. So you have an illness, are anxious and sometimes insecure....welcome to the world of millions of other humans who are or might be just like yourself.
If its the latter and you have no interest in partnering with anyone, then good for you. I had long periods of being single, sometimes I enjoyed it and sometimes I did not. Funny, it was when I was in my 'enjoying being single phase' that someone came my way lol
No one has to justify their relationship status to anyone else, unless they plan to practise bigamy lol
Last edited:
I feel at this point that I need to explain myself, give a little background, that sort of thing. I must say I was unprepared for the reaction of some of you guys, the hostility especially, so without further ado, here goes:
I am 59, I grew up poor in rural France. I consider myself very lucky though, first because I was the last one of four boys, my eldest brother is 13 years older than I and so I didn’t see the worst of it. I mean by the time I was born my father already had built (himself with the help of a few friends ) our house my father did everything in that house including the plumbing and the electricity (which wasn’t quite up to regulations as I learned later but wasn’t so bad, we never had a fire because of it)
My clothes were mostly hand-me-downs, my mother mended my clothes on a regular basis but I mended my socks and my underwear myself when I was still a kid.
My father would repair our shoes. I mean I only had ONE pair of new shoes that I used only for exceptional occasions like weddings or communions (My parents were fervent Catholics but for some reason it never worked on me, maybe I lack the religious gene or something)
Don’t get me wrong! I look back on these times with fondness. I mean we didn’t have much but we didn’t need much either. I mean we had woods around, where we played games, we would make little cabins with planks and ropes. We made a raft with planks and discarded truck tire tubes… that sort of thing.
For a very long time, the only book we had home was an old obsolete dictionary that my father won as an award when he was himself at school!!
The only magazines I read were at the library. I would sit there and read whatever I wanted. Same with the books I would get, thanks to my library card. Owning a book seemed to me like a waste, I mean you only read it a few times, sometimes only once and then it just sits there, taking space. I still feel that way somewhat but I am not a fanatic about it.
We got our first TV when I was 12 (my father had finished paying back the money he borrowed decades before so he was a little “richer”), my father bought his first car when I was 14, we got our first land phone when I was 18!!!
Up until then, I had only watched TV on rare occasions at friend’s homes whose parents were a little “richer” than mine.
I went to the movies sometimes, there was a rundown movie theater within walking distance of my home that only got terrible copies of movies. I mean whole scenes were sometimes missing. A character would be cut in the middle of a sentence, sometimes the horizontal hold would be iffy or the film would break and you’d have to wait till the guy had repaired it before seeing the rest…
(I remember having a madeleine moment much later in the eighties to be more precise when with a bunch of friends we went to see Terminator and the copy was really bad. The others were grunting while I had a smile on my face and a little tear in my eye… )
That’s when I saw the Bruce Lee movies. I said to myself “I want to do that!!” and as luck would have it a Karate club had opened a few months before not very far from where I lived. I asked my dad to give me the lesson's money but he refused at least for the first months. He just didn’t think Karate was something real. He thought it was a fad of some sort. So I had to do odd jobs to get the money, which is great because it made me value those lessons and so I was one of the best seito there if not the best. Several months later my father saw that I was really serious about those lessons and making great progress and from then on he gave me the money for them. So I could keep my odd job money to myself and afford some “luxuries”.
On another subject: This was the countryside fifty years ago, light years away the life some of you live. Things happened simply and quickly. I kissed my first girl when I was nine, she must have been about thirteen because she was huge!! I mean when we were both standing up facing each other my head was somewhere between her breasts, which seemed big back then, she was one of these early bloomers and she liked boys… a lot!! I wasn’t jealous or anything. I was just happy to be one of the boys she liked.
I would expand of the subject but I am afraid that he head of the guy who called me a stud for speaking to a girl in my twenties would explode!
Anyway, if I could give some advice to the people who have difficulties in that area. It would be very simple. Get a good haircut, get advice from a good dresser, someone that you trust and get better clothes. Try to get in shape, eat healthier food, exercise some and then just talk to girls!! Don’t try anything, talk to them. Each time you see a girl that tickles your fancy, talk to her and you’ll see with time it will get easier and things will develop naturally. Before you can run, you have to walk and before that take baby steps. That’s how it works; Believe me!
Of course the same applies if you like boys instead of girls... or both.
I am 59, I grew up poor in rural France. I consider myself very lucky though, first because I was the last one of four boys, my eldest brother is 13 years older than I and so I didn’t see the worst of it. I mean by the time I was born my father already had built (himself with the help of a few friends ) our house my father did everything in that house including the plumbing and the electricity (which wasn’t quite up to regulations as I learned later but wasn’t so bad, we never had a fire because of it)
My clothes were mostly hand-me-downs, my mother mended my clothes on a regular basis but I mended my socks and my underwear myself when I was still a kid.
My father would repair our shoes. I mean I only had ONE pair of new shoes that I used only for exceptional occasions like weddings or communions (My parents were fervent Catholics but for some reason it never worked on me, maybe I lack the religious gene or something)
Don’t get me wrong! I look back on these times with fondness. I mean we didn’t have much but we didn’t need much either. I mean we had woods around, where we played games, we would make little cabins with planks and ropes. We made a raft with planks and discarded truck tire tubes… that sort of thing.
For a very long time, the only book we had home was an old obsolete dictionary that my father won as an award when he was himself at school!!
The only magazines I read were at the library. I would sit there and read whatever I wanted. Same with the books I would get, thanks to my library card. Owning a book seemed to me like a waste, I mean you only read it a few times, sometimes only once and then it just sits there, taking space. I still feel that way somewhat but I am not a fanatic about it.
We got our first TV when I was 12 (my father had finished paying back the money he borrowed decades before so he was a little “richer”), my father bought his first car when I was 14, we got our first land phone when I was 18!!!
Up until then, I had only watched TV on rare occasions at friend’s homes whose parents were a little “richer” than mine.
I went to the movies sometimes, there was a rundown movie theater within walking distance of my home that only got terrible copies of movies. I mean whole scenes were sometimes missing. A character would be cut in the middle of a sentence, sometimes the horizontal hold would be iffy or the film would break and you’d have to wait till the guy had repaired it before seeing the rest…
(I remember having a madeleine moment much later in the eighties to be more precise when with a bunch of friends we went to see Terminator and the copy was really bad. The others were grunting while I had a smile on my face and a little tear in my eye… )
That’s when I saw the Bruce Lee movies. I said to myself “I want to do that!!” and as luck would have it a Karate club had opened a few months before not very far from where I lived. I asked my dad to give me the lesson's money but he refused at least for the first months. He just didn’t think Karate was something real. He thought it was a fad of some sort. So I had to do odd jobs to get the money, which is great because it made me value those lessons and so I was one of the best seito there if not the best. Several months later my father saw that I was really serious about those lessons and making great progress and from then on he gave me the money for them. So I could keep my odd job money to myself and afford some “luxuries”.
On another subject: This was the countryside fifty years ago, light years away the life some of you live. Things happened simply and quickly. I kissed my first girl when I was nine, she must have been about thirteen because she was huge!! I mean when we were both standing up facing each other my head was somewhere between her breasts, which seemed big back then, she was one of these early bloomers and she liked boys… a lot!! I wasn’t jealous or anything. I was just happy to be one of the boys she liked.
I would expand of the subject but I am afraid that he head of the guy who called me a stud for speaking to a girl in my twenties would explode!
Anyway, if I could give some advice to the people who have difficulties in that area. It would be very simple. Get a good haircut, get advice from a good dresser, someone that you trust and get better clothes. Try to get in shape, eat healthier food, exercise some and then just talk to girls!! Don’t try anything, talk to them. Each time you see a girl that tickles your fancy, talk to her and you’ll see with time it will get easier and things will develop naturally. Before you can run, you have to walk and before that take baby steps. That’s how it works; Believe me!
Of course the same applies if you like boys instead of girls... or both.
What an interesting story. I too grew up in a rural community in another country and had a very good childhood, all things considered. My dad had served in the US Navy for a decade before he retired on disability, and he supported all six of us kids while our mom stayed home and took care of us. We were better off than 90% of the people in our community, but we weren't wealthy in that regard. We all grew up in a nice home, surrounded by neighbors who were essentially cousins and other relatives. We were one of the few families who had a TV at the time. We were well fed. My dad was a charitable man who helped a lot of people in need, although he didn't exactly have a huge pension.
I was so carefree back then, as I imagine most kids feel that way.
I was so carefree back then, as I imagine most kids feel that way.
I agree with you. It's a combination of both - contentment (or complacency) in being single and holding myself back at the same time. I find it ironic that when I was much younger and had a bit more confidence, I was perfectly happy being unattached. Now as I get older, I will probably find it harder to meet new people.
I'm in not in any way depressed with my current situation. An analogy would be choosing between living in a regular house vs. a mansion. Sure, the latter would more be ideal, if one could afford it. But there's nothing wrong with a three-bedroom ranch either.
Last edited:
Similar threads
