My circle is pretty wide. I’ve lived in three cities in six years and have never had trouble making friends. Out of the Star Wars fans in that group? One. One hated it. Everyone else at least enjoyed some of it. Believe me, I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Then your circle isn't that wide or you have a statistically rare set of people.
Abrams did the impossible, and made a blockbuster level Star Trek movie. He then made the highest grossing (domestically) movie of all time. I think his marketing skills are just fine, despite some missteps that you mentioned.
In fairness--the first four Star Trek movies were blockbusters. Most of the Star Trek original movies grossed in the top 10 of the year they were released. Abrams made a financially successful Star Trek movie, in part due to the use of the original characters, who hadn't been seen in quite some time. Anyone not named Berman or Braga could have pulled that off with those characters.
I do think Abrams has some talent--Lost was terrific overall even if some people hated the end. I don't think he made a good Star Trek movie in 3 tries, and I don't feel his heart was in the franchise. You don't delay a Star Trek movie for a year to make Cloverfield for example.
But Abrams' desire for secrecy absolutely hurts marketing. He doesn't seem to understand that some plot details are not spoilers.
Khan is in the movie--not a spoiler.
Spock dies at the end of Star Trek II--that's a spoiler.
I think Abrams had the novelty in ST09, but not the heart of the franchise, which I think is one reason STID didn't do nearly as well. You can't coast and assume people will just show up by divine right. Maybe TLJ is suffering the same problem.
Because the average moviegoer doesn't know or care about Khan. These weren't movies for Star Trek fans, even if some fans liked them, so advertising a character like Khan might have actually turned people away. What he did do was make sure everyone knew Nimoy's Spock would be in the first movie - that's the main character from TOS that people care/know about outside the fandom.
You are suggesting that the average viewer is completely ignorant of Star Trek, which simply isn't true. Star Trek is one of the most widely known franchises in the world, especially in the US. TWOK is STILL the standard for great Star Trek movies, and Khan was the memorable character because of that movie. That movie is a part of our culture, and the idea that not advertising Khan was good is like saying that you are bringing the Joker into a Batman movie and not telling anyone.
The worst part is that they took it to such an extreme that they lied about it, saying flat out that Cumberbatch wasn't Khan. That brought bad will on the movie because it was so obvious. Now the ignorant of the franchise would know Khan, but they would NOT know that Khan actually isn't the Joker at all. He was just the most memorable movie villain.
Khan was only used because of recognition. It makes no sense to use him otherwise. Hell, we all saw that movie and Cumberbatch, while a very good character, was really nothing like Khan, and had he continued to be John Harrison, enhanced guy or alien, the movie doesn't miss a beat. So of course they used Khan because of name recognition, and if you do that to try to up your box office--advertise the guy.
It was a colossal screw up because Abrams is paranoid about spoilers. To get back on topic, he will need to do better in Episode IX because of the hatred of TLJ.
I think this thread isn't so much about whether TLJ was good or not--it's about whether the hatred is real--and it absolutely is. The smart thing to do is address it and acknowledge it.