Contest: ENTER Voyager Caption contest #192 The Lost Jonas Brother

[Catarina]

I'll flip around the winners into the photo award categories tomorrow. I need to pass out.

Just spell it out for me @Triskelion

Janeway: Tuvok what is causing that photonic overload? Are we navigating through twin suns to rid ourselves of alien scientists?
Tuvok: Negative.
Janeway: Is it Kes's utterly random Fury rearing up?
Tuvok: Negative.
Janeway: Is Q flashing into my budoir?
Tuvok: Negative.
Janeway: Q2 then?
Tuvok: What, in your budoir?
Janeway: No.....the sonic shower.
Tuvok: NEGATIVE.
Janeway: Is Kes wandering through forbidden monastery thresholds and getting zapped again?
Tuvok: Surprisingly, negative.
Janeway: Is it Tapestry?
Tuvok: Not even the right ship.
Janeway: Caretaker's tractor beam?
Tuvok: If you recall, we blew that up.
Janeway: Kes reverting to an embryonic state?
Tuvok: You would think, but negative.
Janeway: Well what is it then?
Tuvok: There is a quadrodynamic harmonic feedback in a lateral field inverter causing a hyperluminal bounceback in the tetryon induction capacitor coilspring.....feedback.
Janeway: Rotate the frequency.

Some traditions should die...wait... @2takesfrakes

Upon bringing his bloodied nephew up to the Enterprise bridge in STAR TREK II, Mister Scott unintentionally began the Starfleet Tradition of always bringing recently dead officers to the bridge ...

@JirinPanthosa gets the "I want off this ride" award.

JANEWAY: Guys, cancel the funeral, I just found another time rift!
CREW: (Collective sigh)

If you ignore a tree does it react award @Bry_Sinclair

Janeway: And this month's Token Maquis is... [drumroll]...B'Elanna Torres!
Chakotay: What?! What about me?
Janeway: Oh sorry, I didn't see you there.

Who let Captain Lacks Subtlety direct? award @tharpdevenport

Lost scene from an early attempt by J.J. Abrams to direct an episode.

Picardo: "He kept asking for more lens flare. 'More lens flare! More! Make it brighter!'. I don't know what his fucking problem was."

I believed he's stumped award goes to @Triskelion

Janeway: Treevis? How did you get off the holodeck?
Chakotay: ......................?
B'Elanna: I TOLD YOU HE WOULDN'T GET IT!

Luxury fail award goes to @Herbert

Janeway: Computer, add the following message to the next scheduled wormhole transmission. "To the design engineer who thought a sun roof on the bridge was a good idea, the first thing I'm going to do when I get back is find you and punch you in the mouth"

Can't be bothered award @tharpdevenport

Janeway: "And so we lay nameless red shirt ensign down to rest, who died to pointlessly doing something; I don't know, I was too busy to see what killed him or her; in the only proper manner I know of: by wasting a torpedo even though we have limited resources. And not bothering to replicate dress uniforms for everybody in attendance. So, who brought some bagpipes?"

Technobabble with a slice of Face palm award goes to @Tenacity

Kim: "Captain, sensors show there's a fire on the ship."
Janeway: "Where's the fire Mister Kim?"
Kim: "I'm trying to locate the fire, Captain."
Janeway: "Narrow the thermo wavelength aperture."
Kim: "Yes, that eliminates the aft portion of the ship."
Janeway: "Now attempt to ..."
Tuvok: "Oh for God's sakes woman, look over your shoulder."

The I spy award goes to: @Laura Cynthia Chambers

I'm Kathryn the starship girl
I'm Kathryn the starship girl
The Borg Queen can't stop me
When I drinks me coffee
I'm Kathryn the starship girl! *chirp chirp*

Job perk award goes to @Nerys Myk

JANEWAY: I declare this new salad bar open!

This round:

 

[Orac]

Neelix: Have you seen any traitors to the Federation around here?
Jonas: Nobody but us chickens Neelix.

Like all the rubber tree people Chakotay loved the smell of his own farts.

 

[Mr Soak]

Jonas: There are two giant salamanders here, and they appear to be mating. Should I inform the Captain?
Neelix: Should you tell him, or shall I?

Drinking from the Captain’s secret moonshine distillery was treated as treason.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

JONAS: La la la, just wandering around on the Bridge, minding my business. Definitely no treason going on here.

PARIS: Psst, I've confirmed your suspicions. Jonas actually believes if he betrays you for the Kazon everything will work out really well for him. Yeah, he really is that stupid.

JONAS: So Neelix, what do you know about the Kazon? If one were to commit treason and try to get in good with them, how would one go about doing that? Asking for a friend.

CHAKOTAY: Jonas? Ahh, good old Treasony McTreasonface. So many good memories. Betraying us for the Cardassians, betraying us for the Federation, betraying us for the Klingons. That one's a real scamp. I think we can trust him implicitly.

 

[Herbert]

Thanks for the win

Jonas: Gah! I think I found O'Brien's missing spider

 

[Herbert]

Paris: Those lights are blinking out of sequence.
Janeway: <offscreen> I see.
Paris: What should we do?
Janeway: <offscreen> Make them blink in sequence.

 

[Herbert]

Torres: <whispering> Keep it under your hat but I'm thinking of promoting Jonas to assistant chief engineer.
Neelix: <whispering> Good choice. Great officer, 100% trustworthy

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Torres: "What's wrong with him?"
Neelix: "I told him we're being invaded by invisible slug creatures that will devour any full Human that moves. He's been like that for hours now."

 

[Qonundrum]

Torres (singing): "Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball o' fur"
Chakotay (thinking): "If she manages to make it to 'purr purr purr' before the captain tells her to shut up then I'm going to replicate a jar of ants and throw them under her covers when she's sleeping."

 

[tharpdevenport]

Jonas: "Who left that piece of lint on the floor? I swear to Zod I will betray the next person I see to the enemy! Fucking lint."

Torres: "Ah, Neelix, can you go check on him?"

 

[2takesfrakes]

... WooHOO!!! Thanks for the win >: )

"B'Elanna, do you remember that time you went into Pon Farr?"

 

[Triskelion]

Thanks for the win

Jonas: Gah! I think I found O'Brien's missing spider

Neelix: Is he talking about Keiko's tarantula?
Torres: Not this time.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Torres: singing, "Oh, show me the way to warp home. I'm tired and I wanna go to bed."

Woodcotay: "Mine?"

Torres: "No," continues singing, "I had a little synthahole to drink an hour ago and nothing's gone right to my head. Where ever Voyager my roam, by space or nebula or back home, you can always hear me singing this song, show me the way to warp home..."

 

[Tenacity]

At last Paris had discovered the hidden source of Janeways "Folgers Crystals."

 

[Triskelion]

Paris: I can't believe these idiots routed their duotronic attenuator through a monaxial polaron amplification circuit using a magnetic constriction algorithm to modulate a steady state actuation sensor. Everybody knows you have to route a duotronic attenuator through a monoaxial polaron amplification circuit using a magnetic constriction algorithm to modulate a boolean actuation sensor!
Janeway<com>: You mean you can't find the On switch.
Paris: It's not blinking!

Torres: Who do you think would win in a fight between you and me?
Chakotay: I...don't know?
Torres: Come on, we both know I'd knee you right in your medicine bundle.
Chakotay: O...K....
Torres: It'll knock that tattoo right off your face, I tell you what

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Chakotay: "Don't mind Torres. She just had her wisdom teeth out."
B'elanna: "Did somebody polish the walls, 'cuz they're really shiny..."

 

[tharpdevenport]

And suddenly tom discovered Janeway's isolinear pregnancy test sticks, with results clearly indicating he was about to become the father of a bunch of salamander babies.

 

[A Chimpanzee & 2 Trainees]

Neelix: JONAS! I just found out some very interesting information about the traitor.

Jonas: what’s that?

Neelix: It seems he has a fondness for an ancient Earth delicacy. The... hot ... dog. If you see anyone eating one, tell commander Tuvok right away!

Jonas: will...do?

Neelix: That’s interesting. What do you have there?

Jonas: It’s ahhhhh... frankfurter.

Neelix: I might have to see if I can add that to my repertoire.

 

[Catarina]

.

What is up with those nails? I knew it. Jonas was a gargoyle.

 

[A Chimpanzee & 2 Trainees]

What is up with those nails? I knew it. Jonas was a gargoyle.

What can I say? Photoshop is not in my skill set.