Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #549: Meetings!
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Picard: Damnit Worf, we have plenty of chairs. Just sit down already!
Data usually left the staff meetings once Riker started showing his fingerpainting work.
Picard: Crap. Everyone's in this meeting. This must be bad.
La Forge: Damn, that asteroid is gonna leave a mark on the starboard nacelle.
Data: We have successfully hypnotized the Captain. Geordi?
La Forge: Pretty shapes...
Picard: Don't make me order you to stand in the corner too, Number 1.
Data printed out his formal grievance to the captain's "Redshirts only briefings"
Romulan Commander: If you're going to plant a surveillance device, where better than the room that they tell us everything they plan to do?
Captain's log: Today is the 1st day of my new briefing room seating chart, that organizes everyone by height
Geordi: For now, we've been going with doojigger
Picard: I prefer Thingamabob
LaForge: Captain, the new overhead camera has been installed and is working as designed
Picard: Splendid
After the meeting Riker pulls LaForge aside.
Riker: Geordi, can you install one of those in my quarters?
LaForge: Behind the two way mirror over your bed?
Riker: Where else?
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Traffic roundabouts...OF THE FUTURE!!!
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Picard: Sorry Number One, but Starfleet regulations are very explicit about honoring the cultural rites of crewmembers.
Riker: But Klingon Duck Duck Goose, sir?
Picard: Yes, this is a very nice abstract sketch of a plate of gagh, Data.
Data: IT'S A PORTRAIT OF JULIANA SOONG! YOU'RE HOLDING IT UPSIDE DOWN! <runs out crying>
Crusher: Captain, we're having an intervention about that one flute song you always play.
Picard: What? You don't want to keep on, keep on, keep on singing and dancing all through the night?
Geordi: Is that a star?
Data: Yes Geordi - a white dwarf, to be specific.
Riker: You guys turn off Game of Thrones and get back to work.
Picard: Don't tell me, let me guess. Is that some kind of 24th century asymmetrical wine bottle?
Geordi: Actually sir, it's a -
Picard: I know! It's a corkscrew from an alternate dimension!
Data: No sir, it's -
Picard: Then is it...some kind of...hyper-warp temporal wine glass?
Geordi: I CAN JUST TELL YOU WHAT IT IS, SIR. AND IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH WINE, OK!!
Picard: A hyper-warp temporal teacup of Earl Grey?
Data: Yes sir. It is a hyper-warp temporal teacup of Earl Grey.
Picard: Project approved!
C
Captain pl1ngpl0ng
Guest
"Hell No Data, this is not good enough!
You need to come up with another solution for my bald spot..."
You need to come up with another solution for my bald spot..."
Picard: "Mr. La Forge, is this your passive aggressive way of telling me I drone on too much?"
La Forge: "No, sir, I actually just wanted to take a conference room selfie from above, but that works too."
[
The ship's pigeon had seven easy targets.
The ship's pigeon had seven easy targets.
Picard: "Right. Thank you all for coming to the meeting. I know we're on red alert and currently under attack by an enemy vessel, but this is really important business. Now, let's casually talk about it."
In Data's latest attempt to appear Human, he took up doodling during meetings.
Riker: "...and then it turned out that the real people were the ones in the mirror all along!"
Picard (disturbed): "In the future, Will, would you mind not sharing stories like that when we're all sitting around a table with a reflective surface?"
Worf: "That's why I never listen to his stories."
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Picard: "Thank you for coming to the emergency meeting to find out who has been masturbating into the potted plant in the Meeting Room. Suggestions?"
Beverly: "Ensign Harvey Weinstein?"
Picard: "Agreed. Meeting adjourned."
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