TNG Caption This! #385: Great Days Ahead

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! New Contest!

First up to the plate, we have the "iBorg" Award, going to:

Locutus: I am Stevejobs of Apple. Your tricorders are woefully out of date. You will assimilate to the newest iOs. Resistance is futile.

Next, we have the "Hope you're not there after hours..." Award, going to:

WORF: They say at night the displays in this museum come to life!

Next, we have the "Plot oddities" Award, going to:

DEANNA: I'm sensing...some very odd logic. Energy beings who can possess an android but can't possess a guy with a broken arm. Such pain...such strained plot contrivances!

Next, we have the "Not her best moment" Award, going to:

Ro: ``I thought ... ow ... the doors ... ouch ... wouldn't slam ... ow ... shut. Ow.''

Next, we have the "Headpieces for everyone!" Award, going to:

Dorn: "Stop complaining! It's in my contract! Someone has to wear a more ridiculous headpiece than mine!"

Our Photoshop Award, is shared between two great entries!

And...

JJ Abrams presents

STAR TREK INTO THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS​

Emperor Crusher: You're father cannot be turned from the dark side, young Worf

And now, we answer the question...

Drum roll please....

Congrats to all of our winners and many thanks to everyone who participated!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Picard: Enjoy the mission to Deathtrap IV.

Riker: Captain! We, uh-

Picard: What the devil is on that screen?!

Riker: Well, umm-

Data: Very Smooth, babyface.

Riker: You're going to wear those ridiculous outfits off the ship?

Worf: Worf to Data, distribute the photos of Commander Riker on Angel One.

Riker: No! Wait!

La Forge: These consoles don't do anything. They're labeled "Busywork."

Worf: The latest from Q Branch. It's called a radio.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

TFTW, LeadHead!

Picard (thinking): "They're right! They are absolutely right! It is an honor to serve under me!"
Crusher (thinking): "That should massage his ego enough to get him off our backs for a while."
Troi (thinking): "Prick!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD (thinking): heh...that's the same turbolift shaft I used to get rid of Dr. Pulaski.

RIKER: Tell Geordi this is the new warp core and we need it installed right away.

WORF: When are you gong to stop with the pranks? He's been Chief Engineer for two days and spent all day yesterday looking for a left handed spanner.

PICARD: What was that?

RIKER: Data said he might throw up on you.

RIKER: Good luck at Federation Dance Off.

 

[Nebusj]

Congrats to all of our winners and many thanks to everyone who participated!

Thank you!

Picard: ``If anybody needs a day off it's Wesley. He's got a lotta things to sort out before he graduates. He can't be wound up this tight and go to the Academy. His roommate'll kill him.''

Riker: ``So, long story short, in the confusion I'm not sure if we grabbed the real Commander Data or the wax figure they were putting in the Sherman's Planet Hollywood, but either way he's been studying this same screen since coming on duty.''

Riker: ``Well ... good luck with your Devo tribute band!''

LaForge: ``Incorrect PIN number, insert card and re-enter? Data, you didn't change our ATM number, did you?''
Data: ``No, it should still be 1-7-0-1.''
LaForge: ``Blast it.''

Riker: ``Nope, trust me. If you show up to your date with Troi and give her this pen cap and tell her it's been in your family for generations she is going to flip. You won't believe what a reaction you get from her. Best of snrk luck!''

 

[Nerys Myk]

That's how he did it #153

WORF: It's called the "Venus Drug", should make you irresistible women.

 

[f14peter]

LAFORGE: "Whaaaaa? These read-outs are all screwed up! An artoo-detoo icon?!?!?! A teddy bear?!?!?! And that looks like a mini-van!!!!"
ENGINEER: "Commander LaForge, a diagnostic scan is advising me to sit right back and I'll hear tale, a tale of a fateful trip ... and this parrot looks like it has a human head on it!"
LAFORGE: "and when did these Roddenberry and Bennett characters become starship captains, I've never heard of them. Data! What's going on?"
DATA: "Accessing ... ... ... ... ... ah Geordi, I believe we have been infested by what are known as Okudagrams"

 

[JirinPanthosa]

PICARD: It's good to be Captain.

RIKER: He's just been staring at the screen for half an hour. I think he crashed again.
PICARD: *sigh* Reboot him again. And let's see about upgrading his firmware.
RIKER: Yes sir.

RIKER (Thinking) Spandex uniforms...perfect opportunity to compare size!

DATA: This set design is highly illogical. Every time anybody is doing something important their back is turned to the camera and the lighting is garbage. We should move Engineering to a lighter, more open space where the main console is smack in the center of the room.

RIKER: Ricyn. Make sure to put it in his earl grey tea.
WORF: You'd better make me XO.

 

[Nerys Myk]

DATA: According to this readout, its just a burnt out bulb in the over head light fixture.

LAFORGE: Quiet, Data. I'm running a Level 3 diagnostic on the entire system to track down this sudden drop in luminescence.

 

[Hutchy01]

Picard : Mr. Crusher as you go to the academy remember this advice: (quietly) If you ever contact the enterprise someone better be dead. (normal voice) Never fight a nausicaan!

 

[Triskelion]

LaForge: Should we warn Wesley about that old pedophile gardner?
Riker: Let him find out the way we had to.
Picard: Make sure to update Boothby of all your athletic match outcomes!

Picard: What is that, Commander?
Riker: Pong, sir.
Picard: Then why do I hear heavy breathing?
Data: I'll write the manufacturer and ask them, sir.
Picard: You do that. Damned curious, what.

Riker: Gay speed walking tryouts?
Yar: No.
Riker: Miley Cyrus' gay background dancer tryouts?
Dude: No!
Riker: Pride parade in San Francisco?
Worf: No!
Riker: Gay human centipede?
Worf: Stop saying 'gay'! You are not even close!
Riker: Bi-curious human centipede?
Chick: Well, he's pretty close.

Data: Geordi, your check engine light is on.
LaForge: I know!

Worf: Give this to LaForge. Tell him it'll solve the exploding console problem once and for all.
Riker: A technobabble dingus?
Worf: A fuse, you petaQ!

 

[Nerys Myk]

RIKER: Congratulations on being cast in the new Fantastic Four film. The fans will be pleased

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Riker: "Wow. Those uniforms are pretty snug, aren't they."
Yar: "Before you say another word, Commander, just know that, from my quarters to here on our way to the transporter room, I think I've already heard every camel toe joke ever written."
Second Female: "I'm wearing thick cotton underpants!"
Yar: "Oh, shut up, Marsha!"

 

[Captain Crow]

Worf: 60% of the time, it works every time.

 

[Smellincoffee]

Data: Geordi, why do you have Warp Systems for Dummies open on your console?
Geordi: Data, I was trained as a pilot. Do you know how much engineering training we get in the pilot school?
Data: "When in doubt, eject the warp core." This would explain a great deal.

Worf: This is your sample. I've replaced it with a clean specimen for the drug test. Destroy it.
Riker: Excellent work, lieutenant.

Picard: Bloody hell, I remember that Halloween. Take it from me, number one, DO NOT ever attend a party as an Orion slave girl.

 

[Nerys Myk]

DORN: So we're doing Ellison's versions of "City On The Edge Of Forever"?

FRAKES: Yep. Drugs deals. Murder. The whole nine yards.

 

[Mojochi]

Picard: 1st day without a headache in 7 years, starting in . . . 3 . . . 2 . . .1. . .

Picard: Do you recall anything in Data's schematics about emitting high levels of radiation?

Riker: Just drumming on trash cans? No laser light show or nothing? Good luck with that

Geordi: I hate to think what it would be like to work in this lighting without our technologically enhanced vision, ey Data?

Crewman: Assholes

Riker: Really? I was expecting a slightly more intimidating weapon from a Klingon

Worf: Remember Praxis? and that guy dropped a small one

 

[shivkala]

Thanks for the win, Leadhead!

Picard: Captain's Log-The crew has no idea that my idea to play shipwide Hide 'N Seek is a farce. I've rigged the turbolift to stop between decks for a few hours and I've sealed the exits. Now, nothing to do but watching the Parrises Squares championship on the viewscreen, while eating ice cream, and lounging around in just my underwear.

Riker: Mutiny? No, sir, I'd never even dream of it.

Data: Then why did you ask me to research times in which the first officer successfully commandeered a ship?

Riker: To make sure we've instituted every precaution to make sure it doesn't happen, of course.

Riker: Substitutions? Wusses!

Yar: Then maybe you'd like to take one of our places and show us how it's done?

Riker: I, uh, have to wash my hair.

La Forge: It's a damned virus! Who the Hell installed the emoji keyboard for the touchpads?

Worf: Just a warning, sir, before you download this...Klingon porn is a bit...distrubing to non-Klingons.

Riker: ...just give me the damn file, Worf!

http://www.trekbbs.com//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/

 

[JirinPanthosa]

PICARD: Number One, can you please find out why Data is typing so much slower than usual?
DATA: I'm sorry sir, you are using the free version of Soongdroid OS, and your sixty day trail of Soongdroid Premium has expired. If you would like to purchase Soongdroid Premium, please insert ten bars of latnium.

 

[2takesfrakes]

"All-in-all, another successful mission, I'd say. Now, my Bridge Crew is about to retire for the evening. And I'll be joining Dr. Beverly Crusher in my quarters, where I'll make passionate love to her, with a little help from VIAGRA. In the age of knowing how to make things happen, there's no room for erectile dysfunction. - See you all back here, next week. Make it so!"