The Pace of a Relationship

[Kestra]

We spend two weeks together every four months or so. I wish it was much more frequent!

Edit: Spots, I don't know if I said this earlier but I'm really happy for you.

 

[Kommander]

Ah, so as you haven't reached the two year mark, you don't really know what you're talking about do you then.

I figured that's where you were going with your question.

Are you suggesting that longevity of relationships is the only measure of experience and knowledge in this area? At minimum, all it takes to maintain a relationship over several years is an ability to ignore problems and overlook fundamental incompatibilities. I freely admit that those are qualities that I lack. The relationships I've been in weren't working, attempting to correct the problems didn't work, and I decided to end them rather than delude myself into thinking they were working.

I also explained my reasoning for the two-year rule, which was primarily based on psychology and neuroscience; the only way experience entered my reasoning is coming to the conclusion that had I made serious commitments instead of ending my previous relationships, things would have gone terribly wrong. I don't see how my determination doesn't reflect my experience or how my experience is invalid.

 

[Mudd]

I have always thought that people who eloped after two weeks or moved in together right away were absolutely crazy.

That's because they are.

If the entire thing doesn't become a complete and dire fuck-up they're the beneficiaries of extraordinary dumb luck because they haven't behaved in a much more intelligent or responsible way than someone driving down a four-lane highway at eighty-five miles an hour with their eyes closed.

I feel like you aren't quite giving us your honest, unfiltered opinion here.

Hey, it's not complicated. This is up there with "should you give a nine year-old an uzi?" and "what about sticking a small rodent up your rectum?"

 

[DimesDan]

Ah, so as you haven't reached the two year mark, you don't really know what you're talking about do you then.

I figured that's where you were going with your question.

Are you suggesting that longevity of relationships is the only measure of experience and knowledge in this area? At minimum, all it takes to maintain a relationship over several years is an ability to ignore problems and overlook fundamental incompatibilities. I freely admit that those are qualities that I lack. The relationships I've been in weren't working, attempting to correct the problems didn't work, and I decided to end them rather than delude myself into thinking they were working.

I also explained my reasoning for the two-year rule, which was primarily based on psychology and neuroscience; the only way experience entered my reasoning is coming to the conclusion that had I made serious commitments instead of ending my previous relationships, things would have gone terribly wrong. I don't see how my determination doesn't reflect my experience or how my experience is invalid.

No, it's because we're all different, thus all relationships are different and putting some arbitrary time scale on change is, lets just say naive.

 

[Kommander]

No, it's because we're all different, thus all relationships are different and putting some arbitrary time scale on change is, lets just say naive.

I completely agree with this, but I don't see how it has anything to do with anything I said. Had I said "everyone should do things the same way I do" you may have had a point. The two year time-table only applies to me. The NRE phase does affect everyone, but it affects them for different lengths of time and to different extents. It typically lasts 12 to 18 months, but can be shorter or longer. Additionally, the point to which it compromises decision-making abilities varies. When I've been in the NRE phase, it's had a stronger effect on my decision-making abilities than I'm comfortable with. Therefore, I decided that I should wait it out before making serious and/or long-term commitments.

Also, how is the length of time arbitrary? I've provided much more support for my decision-making process than everyone else in this thread; it's the least arbitrary thing said here.

 

[Squiggy]

That's because they are.

If the entire thing doesn't become a complete and dire fuck-up they're the beneficiaries of extraordinary dumb luck because they haven't behaved in a much more intelligent or responsible way than someone driving down a four-lane highway at eighty-five miles an hour with their eyes closed.

I feel like you aren't quite giving us your honest, unfiltered opinion here.

Hey, it's not complicated. This is up there with "should you give a nine year-old an uzi?" and "what about sticking a small rodent up your rectum?"

How small?