Your Favorite One-Liner From Any TOS Character

[EnsignHarper]

The Trouble with Tribbles

SCOTT: "Well, sir, this was a matter of pride."

The whole exchange between Kirk and Scotty was great starting with

SCOTT: "Well, Captain, the Klingons called you, uh a tin-plated, overbearing, swaggering dictator with delusions of godhood."

This is one of the great underrated scenes in the whole series. Shatner and Doohan play it perfecty:

SCOTT: And then they compared you to a Denebian Slime Devil - can you believe that? And then -
KIRK: I get the idea Scotty. And thats when you threw the first punch (pleased with the assumed compliment)
SCOTT: No,sir!
KIRK: No?
SCOTT: We're big enough to handle a few insults, aren't we?
(Shatner's reactions here are PERFECT)
KIRK: So.....why did you throw the first punch?
SCOTT: They called the Enterprise a garbage scow.....SIR
(again Doohan here sounds and looks absolutely sincere about that - like he truly was personally insulted)
KIRK: So....you hit the Klingon because they insulted the ship, but not because...
SCOTT: Well...its a matter of pride! (looking absolutely pleased with himself)

It really is too bad they hardly ever gave Doohan more to do -it could have been real fun

 

[Elder Knight]

Captain Sulu: "Target that explosion and fire."

 

[Spock's Barber]

Spock, at the end of 'Requiem for Methusaluh'

"Forget."

 

[HIjol]

Kirk to Saavak, "You may ask..."

 

[telerites]

The Trouble with Tribbles

SCOTT: "Well, sir, this was a matter of pride."

The whole exchange between Kirk and Scotty was great starting with

SCOTT: "Well, Captain, the Klingons called you, uh a tin-plated, overbearing, swaggering dictator with delusions of godhood."

This is one of the great underrated scenes in the whole series. Shatner and Doohan play it perfecty:

SCOTT: And then they compared you to a Denebian Slime Devil - can you believe that? And then -
KIRK: I get the idea Scotty. And thats when you threw the first punch (pleased with the assumed compliment)
SCOTT: No,sir!
KIRK: No?
SCOTT: We're big enough to handle a few insults, aren't we?
(Shatner's reactions here are PERFECT)
KIRK: So.....why did you throw the first punch?
SCOTT: They called the Enterprise a garbage scow.....SIR
(again Doohan here sounds and looks absolutely sincere about that - like he truly was personally insulted)
KIRK: So....you hit the Klingon because they insulted the ship, but not because...
SCOTT: Well...its a matter of pride! (looking absolutely pleased with himself)

It really is too bad they hardly ever gave Doohan more to do -it could have been real fun

That's because Shatner took away all of his good lines either for himself or had them edited out

 

[telerites]

I didn't think about this one when I posted first but it is great - I assume Roddenberry wrote the opening?

And although I had heard that Shatner didn't like the way he originally read it, I think it is masterful.

Space: the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. Its five-year mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no man has gone before.

 

[Spock's Barber]

I didn't think about this one when I posted first but it is great - I assume Roddenberry wrote the opening?

And although I had heard that Shatner didn't like the way he originally read it, I think it is masterful.

Space: the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. Its five-year mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no man has gone before.

+1. Great choice. I would have never thought of this one!

 

[Count Spockula]

Spock: That unit is a WOMAN!
Nomad: a mass of conflicting impulses!
absorbing it unbalanced me!

Later Nomad asks Kirk if Spock is one of his units
Nomad explains-this unit is different it is well ordered!
Spocks look of pride is great!

so many lines in this episode is classic!

 

[f14peter]

Lines I actually use when the situation arises (some from the TV show, some from the films) ...

- McCoy: "Dammit Jim!" any time I need a "dammit", I just tack the "Jim" to the end of it, and skip the "I'm a ..." part. Even got my wife doing it.

- Scotty: "Suits me fine, I just bought a boat" when something is delayed or cancelled. FYI, I do not own a boat.

- Sulu: "So much for the little training cruise" when something goes from simple or easy to difficult or complex

- Spock: "Fascinating" when I find something ... well, fascinating. I'll occasionally expand it to "fascinating, Captain"

- Sulu: "San Francisco, I was born there" which I was not, but I do utter it every time I drive over the Bay Bridge or Golden Gate Bridge.

- McCoy: "It's dead Jim" when something doesn't work or function

- Scotty: "Helloooo computer" when my computer isn't responding as quickly as I'd like. I'll even pick up the mouse and speak into it sometimes

 

[Green Shirt]

McCoy: "I liked him better before he died"

 

[Melakon]

"Laddie, don't you think you should... rephrase that?"

 

[Green Shirt]

^"You're right. I should."


Oh crap. Wrong thread.

 

[FormerLurker]

McCoy: Spock, you never cease to amaze me.
Spock: Nor I myself.

 

[Green Shirt]

"How do I regain picture?"

Not exactly well spoken by a genetically engineered superior human.

 

[Corylea]

T'Pau: Live long and prosper, Spock.

Spock: I shall do neither; I have killed my captain and my friend.

 

[FormerLurker]

It's actually kind of amazing to see how few people in this thread realize a 'one-liner' is a joke; setup and punchline all in one.

 

[Spock's Barber]

Kang : "We have no Devil, Kirk, but we understand the habits of yours."

 

[urbandefault]

It's actually kind of amazing to see how few people in this thread realize a 'one-liner' is a joke; setup and punchline all in one.

The king of the one-liners, Henny Youngman, defined it with this: "Take my wife. Please."

 

[Melakon]

It's actually kind of amazing to see how few people in this thread realize a 'one-liner' is a joke; setup and punchline all in one.

Spock: A joke is a story with a humorous climax.

 

[Corylea]

It's actually kind of amazing to see how few people in this thread realize a 'one-liner' is a joke; setup and punchline all in one.

Forum topics always have plenty of drift; I've seen people go from talking about overacting to talking about the theme song from "Love Boat."

So it's not that people don't know what a one-liner is; it's more that a list of favorite joke lines reminds people of other favorite lines, so they post those, too. That's a lot less drift than from overacting to theme songs from a completely different show.