Would you have helped out?

[ed629]

A few days ago I was at school, and I had a disabled student come up to and ask me if I would help him use the restroom. I didn't really know how to answer that, so I acted like didn't understand what he saying. I should add that he can't walk, needs help taking off his jacket (I saw him get help removing his jacket earlier that week). But I also didn't want to help someone who I didn't know get on a toilet, and possibly more ( I can't say he would need more help than getting on the toilet). But he did get someone to help him, and that person was gone for a while, at least 6-8 minutes so I'm guessing he did help him onto the toilet, but past that I have no idea.

So, would you of helped him out or not. And do you think I should of helped him?

Obviously he was male, and so am I. And his speech was very hard to understand as well, I did have a hard time understanding what he was asking.

 

[Kestra]

Re: Would you of helped out?

I would feel really uncomfortable, but I'd probably help a female student with a request like that.

 

[Nerys Ghemor]

Re: Would you of helped out?

I would be uncomfortable--mainly because I don't have the proper training and I would also be concerned I didn't have enough strength or physical stamina to assist in a proper and safe manner. And I realize this is minor in comparison, but I have a bad back (which plays into the strength issue). So I vote no for physical and safety reasons on the part of both people involved.

However--I would have given a straight answer to this, if asked. Pretending not to understand...that feels very, very wrong to me. It could come off in a very offensive way, even if no offense was meant on your part. I think people appreciate honesty, and I would tell that person that I did not believe I could assist them safely for either of us, and help them find someone who could.

 

[Robert Maxwell]

Re: Would you of helped out?

Honestly, that is way too personal of a request to do for someone I don't really know.

 

[Nerys Ghemor]

Re: Would you of helped out?

As odd as this sounds, "personal" wouldn't enter into it all that much with me, provided we were talking about another female. This is someone who would be used to such assistance--and I have to think that the way non-disabled people and disabled people see it is not the same. At least if I try to place myself into the mindset of someone with limited mobility, I think such a thing would become routine, and it would be more those not in that situation who might see it as too personal or too degrading. And that's a perception based more on our own fears and ignorance (in the literal sense of "ignorance").

 

[Jenee]

Re: Would you of helped out?

Have. Would you HAVE helped out?

Sorry. Every one has their pet peaves, I guess.

I ... probably would have helped. I wouldn't have wanted to, but ... if a person has to use the toilet so badly that they're willing to ask a complete stranger for help ...

 

[ed629]

Re: Would you of helped out?

Have. Would you HAVE helped out?

Sorry. Every one has their pet peaves, I guess.

I ... probably would have helped. I wouldn't have wanted to, but ... if a person has to use the toilet so badly that they're willing to ask a complete stranger for help ...

Fixed that...

 

[auntiehill]

Re: Would you of helped out?

^Thank you. The Grammar Nazi in me was about to have a stroke.

 

[Kestra]

Re: Would you of helped out?

I ... probably would have helped. I wouldn't have wanted to, but ... if a person has to use the toilet so badly that they're willing to ask a complete stranger for help ...

That's exactly what I was thinking. I would think someone with such a severe disability generally has other help or some other arrangement and would only be asking a complete stranger out of total necessity. It would be unpleasant but I don't think I could say no under those circumstances.

 

[ed629]

Re: Would you of helped out?

I ... probably would have helped. I wouldn't have wanted to, but ... if a person has to use the toilet so badly that they're willing to ask a complete stranger for help ...

That's exactly what I was thinking. I would think someone with such a severe disability generally has other help or some other arrangement and would only be asking a complete stranger out of total necessity. It would be unpleasant but I don't think I could say no under those circumstances.

I don't think he does, I've seen him around somewhat often and have never seen an assistant or any type of caregiver with him. And as I mentioned, observed someone help him with his jacket and open classroom doors for him. At my previous school, there were students with what appeared to be the same disability with assistants to take notes or help with other tasks.

 

[Amaris]

Re: Would you of helped out?

Yes, I would have helped.

 

[Maestro]

Re: Would you of helped out?

The potential squick factor notwithstanding, if you are unfamiliar or untrained with how to do transfers, you are wisest to say no. You could do a lot of damage to yourself and the person you're transferring if the transfer goes wrong, and the easiest way for it to go wrong is lack of knowledge.

I would have said yes. I have training from the Muscular Dystrophy Association in how to handle a transfer. And, having been a summer camp counselor for many years, there's not much of a squick factor for me.

 

[Miss Chicken]

Re: Would you of helped out?

Yes, I would help him/her.

I worked in a nursing home when I was a teenager and had to help elderly people go to the toilet. If is wasn't a problem for me at 17, it certainly wouldn't be a problem for me now.

 

[Gaith]

Re: Would you of helped out?

Honestly, probably not. Such a person should have the assistance of a caregiver; I find it very odd that he apparently doesn't, but in the absence of one, the school nurse should be help when needed. That said, I agree that it was rude to blow him off as you did. It'd be big of you to apologize, sincerely citing your discomfort, next time you see him.

 

[Pingfah]

Obviously he was male, and so am I. And his speech was very hard to understand as well, I did have a hard time understanding what he was asking.

Yeah, but you did understand, evidently. And yet you still stood there and just pretended that you didn't?

I don't even know what to say to that. I can just about understand refusing help to somebody that needs it because it makes you feel uncomfortable, but not even acknowledging that you can understand the person just to avoid saying no? That's the depths of cowardice.

 

[Roger Wilco]

Re: Would you of helped out?

I'll just say it: No I would not. Does that make me an awful human being? I don't know, but I'm almost certain it's the honest answer for a large majority of the people.

 

[Shatnertage]

Re: Would you of helped out?

Yeah, and I actually have helped people out in situations like this before, so that's a definite yes.

Yes, it felt a little awkward--it's kind of hard to transition from having an ordinary day to helping another person pull their pants down and get situated on the toilet when you're not used to doing that. But I figured that the other guy was probably feeling a lot more uncomfortable about it than I was, and the alternative was watching him have an accident. It's another human being who needs help. If he had another option, he probably wouldn't be asking you. I'm sure this wasn't Plan A for him.

 

[Amaris]

Re: Would you of helped out?

Yeah, and I actually have helped people out in situations like this before, so that's a definite yes.

Yes, it felt a little awkward--it's kind of hard to transition from having an ordinary day to helping another person pull their pants down and get situated on the toilet when you're not used to doing that. But I figured that the other guy was probably feeling a lot more uncomfortable about it than I was, and the alternative was watching him have an accident. It's another human being who needs help. If he had another option, he probably wouldn't be asking you. I'm sure this wasn't Plan A for him.

Exactly.

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

Re: Would you of helped out?

I would help and it wouldn't bother me at all. I've helped some very frail elderly people in this kind of situation over the years, people who just get stuck somewhere in a toilet emergency without anyone they know to help out.

 

[Ar-Pharazon]

Re: Would you of helped out?

Have. Would you HAVE helped out?

Sorry. Every one has their pet peaves, I guess.

I ... probably would have helped. I wouldn't have wanted to, but ... if a person has to use the toilet so badly that they're willing to ask a complete stranger for help ...

Fixed that...

^Thank you. The Grammar Nazi in me was about to have a stroke.

Don't forget the spelling nazis. It's pet peeve.