Would you have helped out?

[RJDiogenes]

Re: Would you of helped out?

On the inside I would have been screaming, "AAAARRRRGH," while on the outside I would have smiled and said, "Sure."

As in so many other situations....

 

[scotpens]

Re: Would you of helped out?

Have. Would you HAVE helped out?

Sorry. Every one has their pet peaves, I guess.

Fixed that...

Thank you. The Grammar Nazi in me was about to have a stroke.

Don't forget the spelling nazis. It's pet peeve.

Thank you.

Not that I’m all Howard Hughes about it, but I have a very highly developed sense of personal space, and I don't like making physical contact with strangers. So I would perhaps have asked around a bit to find someone willing to help the guy, but no, I wouldn’t have done it myself.

BTW, this thread reminds me of several tasteless jokes, most of which all of you probably already know.

 

[Australis]

Re: Would you of helped out?

On the inside I would have been screaming, "AAAARRRRGH," while on the outside I would have smiled and said, "Sure."

As in so many other situations....

This, exactly. And hating myself for doing it too.

 

[Guitarded]

Re: Would you of helped out?

I wouldn't. I would explain my discomfort and my lack of knowledge in safely assisting the disabled.

Not that I ever plan on training for that type of scenario. Kudos to those that can stomach it, because I'm sure disabled people are grateful for the assistance.

 

[Jadzia]

Re: Would you of helped out?

Both of my parent's have always said to me, "If I get to the stage where I can't go to the toilet by myself, then I'd rather not be here. I wouldn't ask/want/expect anyone to help me." Then talking about dignity and how being in that state would be an existence and not a life. Then drawing an analogy with animals in the wild and how nature would take its course.

So that's the attitude I have.

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

Re: Would you of helped out?

Both of my parent's have always said to me, "If I get to the stage where I can't go to the toilet by myself, then I'd rather not be here. I wouldn't ask/want/expect anyone to help me." Then talking about dignity and how being in that state would be an existence and not a life. Then drawing an analogy with animals in the wild and how nature would take its course.

So that's the attitude I have.

So when some woman in a wheel chair asked you to help her go to the toilet you would shake your head and say.. "let nature take it's course"?

 

[Jadzia]

Re: Would you of helped out?

I wouldn't say that to her face, no, because that would be a hurtful thing to say.

Pushing someone to a bathroom door is acceptable, and that's as far as I'd go, and I'd be upfront about that fact.

 

[trampledamage]

Re: Would you of helped out?

On the inside I would have been screaming, "AAAARRRRGH," while on the outside I would have smiled and said, "Sure."

As in so many other situations....

Me too. I expect it might be a bit easier for me to help these days since I'm still at the "helping my kids on the toilet" stage of parenting, but still, I really don't like touching other people - but I reckon his needs are greater than mine at that point!

 

[trampledamage]

Re: Would you of helped out?

Both of my parent's have always said to me, "If I get to the stage where I can't go to the toilet by myself, then I'd rather not be here. I wouldn't ask/want/expect anyone to help me." Then talking about dignity and how being in that state would be an existence and not a life. Then drawing an analogy with animals in the wild and how nature would take its course.

So that's the attitude I have.

Surely there's a difference though, between growing old and infirm and being born with a physical disability - presumably if this boy is at school there's not much wrong with his mind.

 

[Zulu Romeo]

Re: Would you of helped out?

On the inside I would have been screaming, "AAAARRRRGH," while on the outside I would have smiled and said, "Sure."

As in so many other situations....

Reminds me of a typical day on the ER shop floor...

A few days ago I was at school, and I had a disabled student come up to and ask me if I would help him use the restroom. I didn't really know how to answer that, so I acted like didn't understand what he saying.

Others have spoken about your pretending to not understand him, and I agree with them. By all means, refuse to render assistance if you're that way inclined, but there's no need to insult him by acting dishonestly.

I should add that he can't walk, needs help taking off his jacket (I saw him get help removing his jacket earlier that week). But I also didn't want to help someone who I didn't know get on a toilet, and possibly more ( I can't say he would need more help than getting on the toilet). But he did get someone to help him, and that person was gone for a while, at least 6-8 minutes so I'm guessing he did help him onto the toilet, but past that I have no idea.

So, would you of helped him out or not. And do you think I should of helped him?

Obviously he was male, and so am I. And his speech was very hard to understand as well, I did have a hard time understanding what he was asking.

If you found out precisely what was asked of you, you might have acted differently. Suppose he only wanted you to take off and hold onto his jacket or walking aids, or to just lift him off the seat? Did he ask you to wipe his bum for him?

If it didn't inconvenience me and I wasn't doing anything urgent, I'd help out and do what was required of me. In this situation, I wouldn't volunteer any actions that seem intimate or overly personal as it might seem inappropriate - unless I was requested to do so in which case I'd also do my best; or if it was a dire situation in which case I might also call for further assistance.

Who knows, it could even mark the start of a new friendship. Such things occur in the most unlikely of circumstances, or at least that's what television has taught me.

 

[Jadzia]

Re: Would you of helped out?

Surely there's a difference though, between growing old and infirm and being born with a physical disability - presumably if this boy is at school there's not much wrong with his mind.

Whether old or young, it's still a disability. There are only two differences as I see it:

1) The disabled child may not know life any different, so may not attach dignity to toilet situations.

2) A parent takes on a responsibility when they have a child. So if that child turns out to be disabled, then the parents have to adapt. There's a responsibility there that isn't present when interacting with strangers.

Related to (2), my parent's attitude (that they've passed on to me) is that parents should never become a burden to their children.

 

[PianoWizzy]

Re: Would you of helped out?

It would probably depend on how I know him, but regardless, a huge part of me would demand that I help him but I would probably naturally hold back because I have a strong sense of both personal space and respect of someone else's personal space. [I want to help people but I generally would only do so from a distance.] I hate offending people [even though I do all the time anyway] so I wouldn't pretend not to hear him...

I don't know. I feel rather conflicted now because of an incident between me and a friend and a disabled classmate. The guilt is no longer there [as it was during elementary school] but it clings to the skin of my childhood history like slime. I won't say anything of the matter but with that in mind I'd do nearly anything to help, regardless of gender and whatnot.

 

[Nerys Ghemor]

Re: Would you of helped out?

I'll just say it: No I would not. Does that make me an awful human being? I don't know, but I'm almost certain it's the honest answer for a large majority of the people.

I don't think you're awful. But I think there's a right way and a wrong way to say "no" under circumstances like that. I would not feel guilty about saying "no" out of concern for both parties' safety, for instance. I do not believe I am physically capable of doing that kind of thing correctly, and I would try to find someone who was capable of assisting safely, but I really think that a straight answer--speaking to the person making the request in a manner that treats them equally as a human being, worthy of respect and straight conversation--is the way to go.

Both of my parent's have always said to me, "If I get to the stage where I can't go to the toilet by myself, then I'd rather not be here. I wouldn't ask/want/expect anyone to help me." Then talking about dignity and how being in that state would be an existence and not a life. Then drawing an analogy with animals in the wild and how nature would take its course.

So that's the attitude I have.

So if you got in a car wreck and found you were paralyzed--even "just" from the waist down, you'd value your life less?

I can tell you that if it were me, I would not report peacefully to the disintegration chamber, that's for sure. I would fight anyone's effort to devalue my life, right down to my very last breath.

Related to (2), my parent's attitude (that they've passed on to me) is that parents should never become a burden to their children.

And if your parents got into the aforementioned car wreck and survived with a serious injury? They should be taken out back and shot?

Brrr. Gives me the chills to think about it.

 

[Zulu Romeo]

Re: Would you of helped out?

Both of my parent's have always said to me, "If I get to the stage where I can't go to the toilet by myself, then I'd rather not be here. I wouldn't ask/want/expect anyone to help me." Then talking about dignity and how being in that state would be an existence and not a life. Then drawing an analogy with animals in the wild and how nature would take its course.

So that's the attitude I have.

So when some woman in a wheel chair asked you to help her go to the toilet you would shake your head and say.. "let nature take it's course"?

I wouldn't say that to her face, no, because that would be a hurtful thing to say.

Pushing someone to a bathroom door is acceptable, and that's as far as I'd go, and I'd be upfront about that fact.

Surely there's a difference though, between growing old and infirm and being born with a physical disability - presumably if this boy is at school there's not much wrong with his mind.

Whether old or young, it's still a disability. There are only two differences as I see it:

1) The disabled child may not know life any different, so may not attach dignity to toilet situations.

2) A parent takes on a responsibility when they have a child. So if that child turns out to be disabled, then the parents have to adapt. There's a responsibility there that isn't present when interacting with strangers.

Related to (2), my parent's attitude (that they've passed on to me) is that parents should never become a burden to their children.

What if a previously healthy child develops a disability during their childhood, through injury or illness, to the extent that they are unable to function to the ability that they could previously?

 

[Pingfah]

Re: Would you of helped out?

Both of my parent's have always said to me, "If I get to the stage where I can't go to the toilet by myself, then I'd rather not be here. I wouldn't ask/want/expect anyone to help me." Then talking about dignity and how being in that state would be an existence and not a life. Then drawing an analogy with animals in the wild and how nature would take its course.

So that's the attitude I have.

I can't honestly see why what your parents would want for themselves should have any bearing on this situation.

 

[Jadzia]

Re: Would you of helped out?

^ Because I've inherited those same values.

So if you got in a car wreck and found you were paralyzed--even "just" from the waist down, you'd value your life less?

I would value my life the same, but being paralyzed would be my problem, and I'd deal with it as best I could. I wouldn't choose to burden others with bathroom tasks.

 

[Nerys Ghemor]

Re: Would you of helped out?

I don't think you can anticipate all situations that might arise, if you did suffer such an injury, and I think it's very conceivable that practicality would win out in certain matters--including ones that you would not expect--out of necessity.

 

[ed629]

Re: Would you of helped out?

On the inside I would have been screaming, "AAAARRRRGH," while on the outside I would have smiled and said, "Sure."

As in so many other situations....

Reminds me of a typical day on the ER shop floor...

A few days ago I was at school, and I had a disabled student come up to and ask me if I would help him use the restroom. I didn't really know how to answer that, so I acted like didn't understand what he saying.

Others have spoken about your pretending to not understand him, and I agree with them. By all means, refuse to render assistance if you're that way inclined, but there's no need to insult him by acting dishonestly.

I should add that he can't walk, needs help taking off his jacket (I saw him get help removing his jacket earlier that week). But I also didn't want to help someone who I didn't know get on a toilet, and possibly more ( I can't say he would need more help than getting on the toilet). But he did get someone to help him, and that person was gone for a while, at least 6-8 minutes so I'm guessing he did help him onto the toilet, but past that I have no idea.

So, would you of helped him out or not. And do you think I should of helped him?

Obviously he was male, and so am I. And his speech was very hard to understand as well, I did have a hard time understanding what he was asking.

If you found out precisely what was asked of you, you might have acted differently. Suppose he only wanted you to take off and hold onto his jacket or walking aids, or to just lift him off the seat? Did he ask you to wipe his bum for him?

If it didn't inconvenience me and I wasn't doing anything urgent, I'd help out and do what was required of me. In this situation, I wouldn't volunteer any actions that seem intimate or overly personal as it might seem inappropriate - unless I was requested to do so in which case I'd also do my best; or if it was a dire situation in which case I might also call for further assistance.

Who knows, it could even mark the start of a new friendship. Such things occur in the most unlikely of circumstances, or at least that's what television has taught me.

I probably was wrong to act like I didn't understand him, but at the time I was so taken back by what he wanted from me to really do anything else.

I don't think or feel like I was required to do anything to help, I don't know if you meant that, but it almost sounds like I was obligated to help just because he asked me, and there is no way in hell I would wipe his bum for him. But I guess I felt some guilt because I did post this, but the only I would change is to have said "No sorry, I can't do that for you."

 

[Zulu Romeo]

Re: Would you of helped out?

I probably was wrong to act like I didn't understand him, but at the time I was so taken back by what he wanted from me to really do anything else.

I don't think or feel like I was required to do anything to help, I don't know if you meant that, but it almost sounds like I was obligated to help just because he asked me, and there is no way in hell I would wipe his bum for him. But I guess I felt some guilt because I did post this, but the only I would change is to have said "No sorry, I can't do that for you."

It sounds like you had already made up your mind not to help him, and you are certainly not under any obligation to help, in which case to politely decline his request would have been perfectly fine (as opposed to act in what others here have felt was an offensive manner). Personally, if someone approached me in person with a request for help, I'd be less inclined to decline unless it was a particularly extraordinary request. But that's just me.

Just to clarify: if you were better informed of his intentions, for example, by taking an extra minute or so to understand fully what he meant by needing help with going to the toilet, you might have been in a better position to decide whether or not to help him. Admittedly, in a public place this particular topic of conversation may not be the easiest thing for anyone to discuss, so I guess you'd do what you think was best given the circumstances.

 

[Jadzia]

Re: Would you of helped out?

They should be taken out back and shot?

Brrr. Gives me the chills to think about it.

Ethics still rules. Nobody determines your fate but you. So nobody is being taken out back and shot against their will.

What if a previously healthy child develops a disability during their childhood, through injury or illness, to the extent that they are unable to function to the ability that they could previously?

When you choose to become a parent, you take on a responsibility. If your child is born disabled, or is born healthy but develops disability after a few years, the parents would in both cases be ethically obliged to adapt to their new circumstances. (ethical obligation being synonymous with demanding reasonable effort)