Here's a thought: What if these were actually TWO people in-universe?
Is there anything in the films that would contradict this theory?
- Lt JG Saavik who is a recent Academy graduate, half Romulan and Spock's protege. The emotional turmoil got to her and she went on shore leave after ST2
- Lt Sa'vique is a more experienced officer and full Vulcan, who was posted to the Reliant and got rescued by Enterprise. Kirk got to know her a bit before she and David Marcus were reassigned to the Grissom.
Good point - Sa'vique (while not as inexperienced as Saavik) is still a young Vulcan and susceptible to inappropriate behaviour or a smug attitude form time to time (heck, many elder Vulcans have been seen to portray the latter!)
Purely going by what we see on screen though, what exactly did she do for teenage Spock that is so extraordinary - rub his finger? Since the pregnancy scene in ST4 was deleted, we really don't know what she did to Spock to calm him down. Vulcans are touch telepaths after all, so she may have been able to transfer some of her emotional control to him.
It was a worthy effort, Mytran. Worthy. No need to blame yourself before its failure.