What's the point...

[TremblingBluStar]

You know, if Trekker does have clinical depression (which seems very likely) getting help for it from a professional would be the first step, as there is nothing anybody here can say that will change his condition.

I suggest he do so now.

 

[RoJoHen]

You know, if Trekker does have clinical depression (which seems very likely) getting help for it from a professional would be the first step, as there is nothing anybody here can say that will change his condition.

I suggest he do so now.

I agree. Over the years, Trekker seems to have been getting worse and worse. I remember a time when he was a fun poster and his only negative threads were about shitty drivers and traffic lights. Lately, though, for whatever reason, he has decided that he will never be happy or ever have a meaningful relationship ever again. And I have to tell you, as someone who is right around the same age (I think), the idea of "never" is way too large to make any kind of judgment. So much can change in a small amount of time that it's impossible to say how the rest of your life will turn out.

Before we go running off to a psychologist, though, a couple questions for Trekker. Have you noticed that you've been feeling like this more in the winter time? I used to suffer from some really intense seasonal depression a few years ago. It's crazy what a lack of sunshine can do to a person. I actually had to start tanning and taking Vitamin D supplements in the winter to stimulate dopamine production, and it's amazing the difference that it's made.

Other things like diet and exercise can play a huge role in your mental well being.

Now, if you're suffering from some legitimate clinical depression (which wouldn't surprise me at this point), those things might not help, but they're worth looking into.

Oh, and I agree with J. Allen. HUGS.

 

[JarodRussell]

Can Internet message boards be held reliable when a thread like this goes wrong?

 

[Paradon]

Excercise definitely helps me deal with my bipolar disease...plus my meds. As for eating, I think I can eat anything I want. It's all about portion control. Things that are bad for me I tend to eat way less and less often, and I take a break from eating meat every week and gorge on veggies. Any meat is good for you as long as yuo don't OD on it as with anything else.

I hope you feel better Trekker! Please make an appointment to see your pschiatrist and take the right meds. Best wishes!

 

[Count Zero]

I also think the suggestion of taking up some sport is good. You don't necessarily have to be very sporty to do so. I'd suggest a non-competitive environment where people play primarily for fun. I've made a couple of friends and acquaintances through my sports activities.

 

[Mr. B]

... of going forward if you see no chance of happiness?

Look harder. It's called the 'pursuit' of happiness because you have to go out and make it happen.

I haven't seen you elaborate on your circumstances here but odds are you have the power to change them if you want it. As a small and probably unrelated personal example, I recently came to the realization that I like sex more than food. Recently I started eating less, passing up soda and going for walks every day. Tomorrow I'm signing up at a gym near my house. It could be many months before I really start to look better but I already feel a lot better about myself having stopping thinking about change and started doing it.

 

[ThankQ]

... of going forward if you see no chance of happiness?

Look harder. It's called the 'pursuit' of happiness because you have to go out and make it happen.

I haven't seen you elaborate on your circumstances here but odds are you have the power to change them if you want it. As a small and probably unrelated personal example, I recently came to the realization that I like sex more than food. Recently I started eating less, passing up soda and going for walks every day. Tomorrow I'm signing up at a gym near my house. It could be many months before I really start to look better but I already feel a lot better about myself having stopping thinking about change and started doing it.

I'm ThankQ, and I approve this message.

 

[Trekker4747]

For the record:

I am on anti-depressants, the maximum dose for the one I'm on. I'm weary about changing as I'd first have to "detox" from this medication and those I know who've been on it say coming down off this stuff is not fun.

I am currently seeing a psychiatrist.

That's all, more-or-less-helped but at the same time talking with the psychiatrist is starting to open some flood-gates and just a lot is coming out.

I have my good days and my bad days and for the sake of saying I could never harm myself. I couldn't do that to my friends and family and I'm too afraid of what might lay beyond and whether or not I'd qualify to get into Heaven. (Though my theological beliefs wax ans wane on if there even is a God or an afterlife, part of the reason why I fear death so much because if there is an afterlife I don't get in due to a lack of complete faith and Belief.)

But, really, I just don't see a situation happening where I will be completely happy. I want a relationship, love, passion, kids and all of that and I can't see it happening especially as I grow older. The older I get the more I realize there's less chance of me having love and passion and more of a chance of me marrying a divorcée with two kids out of just mutual "like' and not real love.

I want love. And I no longer really see it happening as I've not the confidence or courage to do things on my own and the ways of love and the world pretty much precludes anything from coming my way and, really, it rarely if ever happens for me anyway.

What pisses me off is I was talking to an old high-school acquaintance through Facebook and had them say "Oh so-and-so had a HUGE crush on you!" and I'm like: "Really?! How was I supposed to know that?" And this girl was, well, she was literally my "dream girl" as she's the girl I'd dream about in my crazy Sci-Fi nerd fantasies of her and I being ultra-slick Time Travelers in my time-traveling DeLorean that also could convert itself into a powerful miniature starship! She was the head cheerleader, the Prom Queen and just... my crush.

And she had a crush on me and I never knew it! Why? Because I don't do subtle or signals, and I as a nerdy guy in the Drama club ain't just going to saunter up to the friggin' head-cheerleader and start asking her out for fear of getting beat-up by the Varsity Quarterback. High-school doesn't work like that, especially since all of my knowledge of high-schools -and memories of high school- are like teen movies from the 80s and 90s.

I can't do clubs or bars, I've tried real-life dating services and on-line ones and they don't work so, really, I just don't know what else there is or what chances there are ahead of me and I can't foresee anything ever happening for me because for it to happen I'd have to completely change who I am, undo decades of "programing" into thinking I'm a lesser person and I'd have to take a risk and put my feelings on the line. And the handful of times I have managed to step outside my comfort zone in the past things didn't work out.

 

[ed629]

So read it, but do you really need to go out of your way to be mean to the guy?

I can do both.

But really, this is like volume 30 or something, he starts the same thread over and over and over and expects us to change his life for him.

True enough, I've been through some pretty bad shit in the last several months, but I knew I was the only that could make the change for me. And that I couldn't expect anyone else to do, so I had to make it better for myself.

The way I see good and bad shit happens, it's what you do with it or about that defines you and how it affects you.

I don't get it. If you're so tired of it why don't you just avoid his threads then? Like I said, you're just going out of your way to be mean.

Some people need someone to be mean to them to make themselves realize that no one is going to solve their problems for them. There are people who the only thing that will do anything for them is a solid kick in the ass.

However failing that, maybe Trekker just needs to find something that will make him help himself. Try joining a help group (however sometimes the groups are stuck in a rut where they haven't really moved in years, so they can suck). Or get involved in something you may have not tried, another Trekker, have you considered going back to or starting school, by which I mean a college or university? I've been back in school for a while now, and I enjoy it. I've been asked to join a few programs as well. One of them I can actually be teaching classes next semester. The other thing I've enjoyed in peer tutoring other students in Trig, Physics, Calculus, Chemistry, Integrated Science, Astronomy, etc... Try a few classes to start with and see how you like it?

 

[ThankQ]

(Though my theological beliefs wax ans wane on if there even is a God or an afterlife, part of the reason why I fear death so much because if there is an afterlife I don't get in due to a lack of complete faith and Belief.)

Okay, if my religious tracks doubled back over themselves that many times I'd feel crappy most days, too.


I'm not sure I believe in God...
I fear death because I won't get into the the heaven of the God I'm not sure exists...
I won't get into that heaven because...
I'm not sure I believe in God...
I fear death because I won't get into the the heaven of the God I'm not sure exists...
I won't get into that heaven because...
I'm not sure I believe in God...

I'd say get that sorted and you'll have more free time to work on the rest

 

[Trekker4747]

Eh, the God thing doesn't bother me much. I believe in "something" but I don't think He's an Almighty Being that's concerned about whether or not some douchebag in Denver is winning football games.

I really hardly ever think about the God/religion thing it'll sort out one way or another.

 

[Mr. B]

...I can't foresee anything ever happening for me because for it to happen I'd have to completely change who I am, undo decades of "programing" into thinking I'm a lesser person and I'd have to take a risk and put my feelings on the line. And the handful of times I have managed to step outside my comfort zone in the past things didn't work out.

It sounds like you don't really value yourself as a person. If you don't have your own house in order, you probably shouldn't be pursuing relationships anyway. Focus on fixing you. When you like yourself, it shows... and that confidence makes it a lot easier to attract friends.

 

[Australis]

What pisses me off is I was talking to an old high-school acquaintance through Facebook and had them say "Oh so-and-so had a HUGE crush on you!" and I'm like: "Really?! How was I supposed to know that?" And this girl was, well, she was literally my "dream girl" as she's the girl I'd dream about in my crazy Sci-Fi nerd fantasies of her and I being ultra-slick Time Travelers in my time-traveling DeLorean that also could convert itself into a powerful miniature starship! She was the head cheerleader, the Prom Queen and just... my crush.

And she had a crush on me and I never knew it! Why? Because I don't do subtle or signals, and I as a nerdy guy in the Drama club ain't just going to saunter up to the friggin' head-cheerleader and start asking her out for fear of getting beat-up by the Varsity Quarterback. High-school doesn't work like that, especially since all of my knowledge of high-schools -and memories of high school- are like teen movies from the 80s and 90s.

That exact same thing happened to me. I eventually realised a couple of girls really liked me... nearly twenty years later!

Move on dude. That was then and this is now.

 

[Trekker4747]

Indeed it was and is. But it's still a systemic problem I have,

 

[ed629]

Indeed it was and is. But it's still a systemic problem I have,

So.. you're issues concern being in a relationship? Or is it just something that is a consequence of your main problems? Seriously give going back or starting school some thought.

 

[RoJoHen]

But, really, I just don't see a situation happening where I will be completely happy.

You never want to be completely happy. That's how you lose your soul!

I used to be pretty depressed, but through various things in life, I ended up kicking that to the curb. Now I'm probably one of the most positive and optimistic people you'll ever meet. And honestly, as "easy" as it sounds, it all happened because one day I made a conscious decision to stop being sad. So much of life is totally random, and people really don't have as much control as they might claim, so it's rarely something to get upset about.

 

[Aldo]

To be honest I skimmed through the thread, so not sure if you mentioned this. But are you happy with where you work? Working retail can grate on you after a while due to some of the rude customers that come with the territory.

Maybe you're job is adding to your depression. Have you thought about changing careers? That's what I'm doing, or rather in the process of doing.

 

[Nowhere Man]

What pisses me off is I was talking to an old high-school acquaintance through Facebook and had them say "Oh so-and-so had a HUGE crush on you!" and I'm like: "Really?! How was I supposed to know that?" And this girl was, well, she was literally my "dream girl" as she's the girl I'd dream about in my crazy Sci-Fi nerd fantasies of her and I being ultra-slick Time Travelers in my time-traveling DeLorean that also could convert itself into a powerful miniature starship! She was the head cheerleader, the Prom Queen and just... my crush.

And she had a crush on me and I never knew it! Why? Because I don't do subtle or signals, and I as a nerdy guy in the Drama club ain't just going to saunter up to the friggin' head-cheerleader and start asking her out for fear of getting beat-up by the Varsity Quarterback. High-school doesn't work like that, especially since all of my knowledge of high-schools -and memories of high school- are like teen movies from the 80s and 90s.

That exact same thing happened to me. I eventually realised a couple of girls really liked me... nearly twenty years later!

Move on dude. That was then and this is now.

Same thing happened to me too, I'm beginning to think it happens to everyone in one way or another. Where's Doc Brown when you need him? It seems you are dwelling things that are beyond your control and probably were never meant to be. I've wished for the way back machine several times, but it just doesn't work that way. Can you be sure you would have had a wonderful life together with that girl? Maybe so and so turned out be a crack whore. Some of the girls I had the hots for did pretty much turn out that way. I'm glad I didn't end up with those girls. From what I can tell, and I'm no expert, if your shrink is honest, the he/she will tell you that you are not ready for a relationship. They always say to start off by fixing yourself and then get a plant, take care of the plant for like a year. Then upgrade to a pet, take care of it for a year, then you may be ready for a relationship. You seem like you have a lot of things to sort out. I feel for you because I've been there. I was never good at getting girls and It wasent until I gave and stopped looking when I actually found someone. Just remember, it's never too late, there's a million different ways that things can work out.

 

[Kestra]

Yeah, I think a lot of people just don't realize when others are attracted to them. I mean if you're someone who gets a lot of attention, you're not going to notice every single one. If you're someone who doesn't, you might find it difficult to imagine anyone thinking of you that way.

Not to mention that some people are just shy or too subtle and it's difficult to pick up on signals. The first time I went on a date I didn't realize I was on a date and that the guy liked me until he put his arm around me!

 

[TheBrew]

Indeed it was and is. But it's still a systemic problem I have,

Dude, whatever.

Don't look back. Go forth and be awesome!