Wedding in 7 Days -- Got Marriage Advice?
- Thread starter FalTorPan
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There will be times that you disagree, even fight. But keep yourself from belittling/denegrating her or her opinions and fight fair. Keep things like "Don't be stupid" and "That's idiotic" locked firmly behind your teeth and you'll avoid leaving emotional scars on each other.
Best wishes for both of your happiness.
Jan
Best wishes for both of your happiness.
Jan
Learn to let go of past shit. If you get in a argumet, don't dredge up old mistakes over and over just to score points.
Try to make it a partnership as much as you can. Don't do what my parents did and do the whole "my paycheck, my money" thing. It's the family's pacheck, and "our" money once you get married.
Learn to tell family and in-law what to go do with themselves. You can have a great relationship with your in-laws before the wedding, but something changes after the words "I do" are uttered.
And, back to money, don't go hog wild in the first couple of years. If you already have a place, then don't go shopping around for something bigger until you're ready for kids. and on the flipside, don't blow through cash just cause you don't have kids. Always set money aside for a rainy day first. (learned that the hard way)
Insurance...Insurance...INSURANCE. If both of you have employer insurance, then keep your policies, if not then get thee on one or the other. Accidents happen, birth control fails, you'll be glad you took the hit in the check at the end of the day. And life insurance is a big one, don't buy into needing mega-policies of several hundred grand, just enough to help your spouse survive and renegotiate and adjust as life changes.
Try to make it a partnership as much as you can. Don't do what my parents did and do the whole "my paycheck, my money" thing. It's the family's pacheck, and "our" money once you get married.
Learn to tell family and in-law what to go do with themselves. You can have a great relationship with your in-laws before the wedding, but something changes after the words "I do" are uttered.
And, back to money, don't go hog wild in the first couple of years. If you already have a place, then don't go shopping around for something bigger until you're ready for kids. and on the flipside, don't blow through cash just cause you don't have kids. Always set money aside for a rainy day first. (learned that the hard way)
Insurance...Insurance...INSURANCE. If both of you have employer insurance, then keep your policies, if not then get thee on one or the other. Accidents happen, birth control fails, you'll be glad you took the hit in the check at the end of the day. And life insurance is a big one, don't buy into needing mega-policies of several hundred grand, just enough to help your spouse survive and renegotiate and adjust as life changes.
First off, what Jan said. Any marriage will experience disagreements, arguments, fights. But if you always treat each other with respect during those times -- and sometimes "respect" means "okay, I'll sleep in the other bedroom tonight" -- those situations will take care of themselves.
Be generous -- with your time, with your affection, with your communication, with your love. If you both do that, then you'll be able to weather any storm.
Be generous -- with your time, with your affection, with your communication, with your love. If you both do that, then you'll be able to weather any storm.
Run like hell.
Well I'm not married myself, but most of the stuff said seems to apply to my mom and dad. They've been married 26 years and I've become used to the fact that I'm kind of a rarity since my parents are still married. They try to talk things out, and yeah they fight pretty hard about once or twice a year, but they talk trough all that fighting. Sure it's not a perfect marriage since both mom and dad admittedly stubborn in their own ways, but they love each other and make it work. In fact they seem happier over the last few years, was a rough patch a bit back. Nowadays they to that annoying thing all kids hate seeing their parents do on some level, namely kiss each other in front of us. I'm a grown up but it's just icky somehow 
All the best of luck to ya!
All the best of luck to ya!
- Argue like you're on a well-moderated message board, debate the issue, don't criticize the person.
- Pick up after yourself and pull your weight with the housework, and expect the same from your spouse. Don't be a doormat, don't walk over your spouse.
- Keep your friends and some time for yourself, let your spouse have the same thing.
- Make dates to go out and keep being as romantic as you were when you were first dating when you go out. Don't expect every day to be romantic all day, sometimes you're just too beat and dishes need to get done blah blah blah. But don't let it disappear either.
- Flirt, give her cheesey pickup lines, you're married now, you won't get slapped, you'll make her laugh and feel like you love her.
- Remember that marriage is an equal business partnership too. Emphasis on equal. You share your assets, you share your income, you share your debts. Consult your partner, don't hide shit. Divide your money between living expenses, short term savings, long term investment, and some fun money for you both. What she does with her fun money is her business, what you do with yours is yours.
- Give her a kiss for me, and tell her our Thursday afternoons are still on, see her after the honeymoon.
All Seeing Eye
Admiral
Can I be best man? this will be my speech:
Fornication...
Excuse me.
For an occasion such as this, I'd like to thank you all for coming to celebrate the marriage of FalTorPan and (insert partners name). I bet he thinks this finally proves to everyone he's not gay.
A wise man told me that the best man speech should last as long as the groom makes love.
<brief pause>
... Thank you ladies and gentlemen.
I'm standing up here tonight representing the category for best man. A term that is unjustly appointed to me, and not deserved. Though it's a great honor, I'm not really the best man, just a good guy. The best man here tonight, is FalTorPan. Now as I mentioned it's a great honor to be the best man, but with that comes a role: writing this speech. And to be honest with you, to make the process a bit easier, I decided to turn to the internet for some help.
The obvious place seemed to be the internet, so with a multitude of resources at my fingertips, I began searching the web. After a couple hours of searching, I found some really good stuff. But then I remembered I was supposed to be looking for speech ideas.
I did actually find several speech ideas, unfortunately none of them were about a couple named FalTorPan and (insert partners name) who lived in (insert location). FalTorPan was born on (insert date of birth). I tried to link this to some major world event, but it seems that nothing else happened that day, although the Henderson hospital staff still refers to that day as "Ugly Wednesday."
Unfortunately FalTorPan was a slow starter... at playschool FalTorPan was different from all the other 5-year olds... he was 11.
FalTorPan and (insert partners name) are each great individuals and together they truly make an unstoppable couple. They are both caring, strong-willed, and intelligent. Their love for one other is apparent to each one of us today. The great thing about FalTorPan and (insert partners name) is that they have planned far more than their wedding, they have planned their marriage. As a matter of fact, FalTorPan has already found out the married man is one who replaces the money in his wallet with a picture of his wife.
FalTorPan is always excellent in everything he does, whether it was school, friends, his career, sports... even if he was the last one to be picked. And I know that if he models his parents then he will be a wonderful spouse for (insert partners name here). And since I'm married, I guess I should give you a little marriage advice - one thing that my wife Jodie and I never do, is we never go to bed angry, we usually just stay up and argue.
Ladies and gentlemen, these two people are very important to us. Without them the night would be a little less joyous. The great thing about this is as the evening progresses, most of us will have the opportunity to spend more time talking with them. So please join me in a very personal toast... to the bar staff. Thank you.
Tonight I'm here free of charge. And I hope you found me worth every penny. But I only have a minute left, which normally I would reserve for rupturous applause for myself. However, on this occasion I'll finish with a poem that sums up marriage quite nicely (it's good).
"The perfect groom is gentle, never harsh, cruel, or mean
he has a beautiful smile and keeps his face so clean
the perfect groom likes children, and will raise them by your side
he'll be a good father and husband to his bride
the perfect groom loves cooking, cleaning, and laundry too
he'll do anything in his power to show his love for you
the perfect groom is sweet, writing poetry from your name
he's the best friend to your mother, and kisses away your pain
he'll never make you cry or hurt you in any way
and if this poem stands to be true, then FalTorPan... you really are gay."
Fornication...
Excuse me.
For an occasion such as this, I'd like to thank you all for coming to celebrate the marriage of FalTorPan and (insert partners name). I bet he thinks this finally proves to everyone he's not gay.
A wise man told me that the best man speech should last as long as the groom makes love.
<brief pause>
... Thank you ladies and gentlemen.
I'm standing up here tonight representing the category for best man. A term that is unjustly appointed to me, and not deserved. Though it's a great honor, I'm not really the best man, just a good guy. The best man here tonight, is FalTorPan. Now as I mentioned it's a great honor to be the best man, but with that comes a role: writing this speech. And to be honest with you, to make the process a bit easier, I decided to turn to the internet for some help.
The obvious place seemed to be the internet, so with a multitude of resources at my fingertips, I began searching the web. After a couple hours of searching, I found some really good stuff. But then I remembered I was supposed to be looking for speech ideas.
I did actually find several speech ideas, unfortunately none of them were about a couple named FalTorPan and (insert partners name) who lived in (insert location). FalTorPan was born on (insert date of birth). I tried to link this to some major world event, but it seems that nothing else happened that day, although the Henderson hospital staff still refers to that day as "Ugly Wednesday."
Unfortunately FalTorPan was a slow starter... at playschool FalTorPan was different from all the other 5-year olds... he was 11.
FalTorPan and (insert partners name) are each great individuals and together they truly make an unstoppable couple. They are both caring, strong-willed, and intelligent. Their love for one other is apparent to each one of us today. The great thing about FalTorPan and (insert partners name) is that they have planned far more than their wedding, they have planned their marriage. As a matter of fact, FalTorPan has already found out the married man is one who replaces the money in his wallet with a picture of his wife.
FalTorPan is always excellent in everything he does, whether it was school, friends, his career, sports... even if he was the last one to be picked. And I know that if he models his parents then he will be a wonderful spouse for (insert partners name here). And since I'm married, I guess I should give you a little marriage advice - one thing that my wife Jodie and I never do, is we never go to bed angry, we usually just stay up and argue.
Ladies and gentlemen, these two people are very important to us. Without them the night would be a little less joyous. The great thing about this is as the evening progresses, most of us will have the opportunity to spend more time talking with them. So please join me in a very personal toast... to the bar staff. Thank you.
Tonight I'm here free of charge. And I hope you found me worth every penny. But I only have a minute left, which normally I would reserve for rupturous applause for myself. However, on this occasion I'll finish with a poem that sums up marriage quite nicely (it's good).
"The perfect groom is gentle, never harsh, cruel, or mean
he has a beautiful smile and keeps his face so clean
the perfect groom likes children, and will raise them by your side
he'll be a good father and husband to his bride
the perfect groom loves cooking, cleaning, and laundry too
he'll do anything in his power to show his love for you
the perfect groom is sweet, writing poetry from your name
he's the best friend to your mother, and kisses away your pain
he'll never make you cry or hurt you in any way
and if this poem stands to be true, then FalTorPan... you really are gay."
My advice would be similar to others:
Be transparent about money. Share your assets & your debts (my spouse & I share a checkbook), we don't keep his & her accounting. Agree on some basic rules of spending & priorities...although we do not have hard & fast rules, we feel pretty free to purchase items under a given amount without consultation - above a certain amount there is consultation about the purchase. The cutoff depends on our current income & debt. Money problems are stressful, but it is just money and your partner is more important.
Stop thinking about yourself first and try to put your spouse first in what you say & do. I am not saying that you need to be a doormat. You need to make time for yourselves. On the one hand do not be jealous of each other's time, but do not give cause for jealousy either. You need to strike the right balance of togetherness and self.
I have found it nice to make family trips both together & alone. That way your spouse becomes part of the family, but you also get alone time with them.
When you fight (and you will), fight fair. It is not the end of the world (unless it gets physical). Let things go after you have hashed them out. We have found it useful to say that after 30 days a resolved problem cannot be brought up again either in comments (or even in jest.)
Maintain a sense of humor. This is hardest for me because I was not gifted with much of one. I appreciate that my other half maintains it for both of us.
Your spouse come before family & friends.
Try to come to some understanding about parenting & discipline. It is best if you can absolutely respect & support each other's roles in front of the kids. My parents were masters of this. The only time I remember my father getting angry with us kids is if we were disrespectful to our mom. They also made it impossible for us to play them off of each other.
I honstly don't know that I would ever get married again if I were suddenly single, but I wouldn't change how things are right now. My life is better with him than without him.
Good luck & best wishes to both of you.
Be transparent about money. Share your assets & your debts (my spouse & I share a checkbook), we don't keep his & her accounting. Agree on some basic rules of spending & priorities...although we do not have hard & fast rules, we feel pretty free to purchase items under a given amount without consultation - above a certain amount there is consultation about the purchase. The cutoff depends on our current income & debt. Money problems are stressful, but it is just money and your partner is more important.
Stop thinking about yourself first and try to put your spouse first in what you say & do. I am not saying that you need to be a doormat. You need to make time for yourselves. On the one hand do not be jealous of each other's time, but do not give cause for jealousy either. You need to strike the right balance of togetherness and self.
I have found it nice to make family trips both together & alone. That way your spouse becomes part of the family, but you also get alone time with them.
When you fight (and you will), fight fair. It is not the end of the world (unless it gets physical). Let things go after you have hashed them out. We have found it useful to say that after 30 days a resolved problem cannot be brought up again either in comments (or even in jest.)
Maintain a sense of humor. This is hardest for me because I was not gifted with much of one. I appreciate that my other half maintains it for both of us.
Your spouse come before family & friends.
Try to come to some understanding about parenting & discipline. It is best if you can absolutely respect & support each other's roles in front of the kids. My parents were masters of this. The only time I remember my father getting angry with us kids is if we were disrespectful to our mom. They also made it impossible for us to play them off of each other.
I honstly don't know that I would ever get married again if I were suddenly single, but I wouldn't change how things are right now. My life is better with him than without him.
Good luck & best wishes to both of you.
That's horrible advice.
FalTorPan, know when to stand your ground and remember that there is no need losing sleep over your arguments.
If she can be a bitch then don't marry her, it will only get worse after marriage. All the best if you go through with it.
Marriage was made in Heaven. So was Thunder and Lightning.I'm getting married in seven days! It'll be my first marriage as well as hers. I'm 33, and she's of similar age. Got any marriage advice?
I wish I could offer you some decent advice FalTorPan, but I'm at a loss. My wife and I have been married over 30 years and we've raised three good kids, but over the years both of us have chosen to sleep on the couch on occasion. All I can do is wish you good luck and to tell you to remember from time to time (daily preferably) why you got married. Obviously you both love each other and that is the rock that will sustain you over the years to come.
^I don't know if I would still be married if my wife and I didn't have a spare bedroom when we got married 24 years ago.
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