Voyager Caption This: Back in a Flash

[Evil Twin]

Last round's double winner:

Paris: I told you, I was working on a personal log. What's so funny?

Janeway: Nothing, you were just doing your duty.

Doc: I'm tired of standing. Maybe I should ask Mr Paris for a stool.

Let us show you a traditional human greeting. It's called "A Night at the Roxbury". Computer, music!

And your prize:

A free maintenance overhaul on the planet of your choice!

Up next:

 

[Colonel Green]

Janeway: Tuvok, it may just be the uniform, but have you put on weight?

 

[Finn]

No, Captain. I don't think he would have gone out with you.

 

[MeanJoePhaser]

Tuvok: "I assure you Captain; he was happily married. And what you call 'gaydar' has no scientific basis."

"Tuvok was feeling Randy."

 

[Rat Boy]

Janeway: "Oh, come on. What do you mean you couldn't tell?"

Rand: "A woman captain? Wearing pants?"

 

[loldrey]

Janeway: Tuvok.. do you think swinging would spice up our relationship?

Janeway: Don't be so uptight.. lots of couples are doing it.
Tuvok: Perhaps this shoulder massage will alleviate your concerns..

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Janeway:"The Excelsior? I thought you served on the Enterprise B?"
Tuvok: "No, that was my human cousin, Grover."
Janeway: "Was this the same Grover who tried to steal trilithium from the Enterprise D?"
Tuvok: "His delinquent grandson Skeeter."
Janeway: "You have any Klingon relatives who've been to DS9?"
Tuvok: "Can we focus here Captain?"

Rand: "I'm frightened Captain."
Janeway: "What?"
Rand: "Will you look at my legs?"
Janeway: "Tuvok will you put her out of my misery?"

nervepinch

Janeway: "Thanks. What's with women from this time? Were they all so..."
Tuvok: "Indeed not. Commander Rand was once assaulted by Captain Kirk's evil doppelganger and following that..."
Janeway: "Forget I asked."

 

[Triskelion]

Thanks for the win Evil Twin!
Thanks for the win Evil Twin!

You mean after all this time Tim still doesn't realize the neck pinch thing doesn't really work?

Just bear with him, he'll leave you alone after a day or two. The mind melds, however are a different story. Just...let it happen.

Janeway: Why did Captain Sulu beam that crewman into space?
Tuvok: He returned the Captain's dry-cleaning on plastic hangers. And questioned his dress taste.
Janeway: Ah. The old 'Captain's Whim" clause. Gotten me out of many a bind.

 

[LeadHead]

Tuvok: As you can se no one pays attention to you on this bridge either Captain.

What do you mean this episode is being pushed back to Season 3?

 

[AlxxlA]

Tuvok: Shouting "How's Brad doing?" was in bad taste, Captain.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Tuvok: "Why is it that when you don't get your way, you look up at me like that and whimper like a puppy?"

 

[Triskelion]

Janeway: So Captain Sulu can't see us?
Tuvok: Captain, may I remind you that this not real; this environment is merely an engrammatic memory reconstruction.
Janeway: But what if he sees us?
Tuvok: Nothing will happen, Captain. Captain Sulu is unable to perceive our presence, after all, he is part of my mind, and not participating in an objective reality. Though it appears real, this bridge exists in fact, as electrochemical synaptic potentials shared by our two nervous systems. There is no bridge, and no Captain Sulu.
Janeway: But what if he sees us?
Sulu (thinking): Why won't this !@#$ trap door button work....

 

[Kirby]

Tuvok: "May I remind you once again, that it was Captain Kirk who thought farting on the brindge was funny, Captain Sulu did not. I'd recommend that you not make that mistake again."

 

[Akiraprise]

Sulu: Damn these touch screens!
Tuvok: Capt. Sulu always preferred the more sensual knobs and levers of the past.

 

[Nerys Myk]

JANEWAY: "Nope, it's still there. You're going to have to use a finger.

RAND: "For the last time, I do not want a neck rub! Work out your Ponn Farr with someone else before I report you!!!"

 

[Shatmandu]

Janeway: "This must have been before he started wearing womens clothing on duty."
Tuvok: "Just briefly before that, yes."

Janeway: "She is used to you doing this to her during your ... intimate moments."
Tuvok: "How much of my mind are you reading, anyway?"

 

[Candlelight]

"Tuvok, how long has he been pressing that button?"

Tuvok, thinking: "I know it's around here somewhere..."

 

[SciFi75]

Sulu: Set course for Warp Factor Dick...I mean six!

Tuvok: <to Janeway> Do you understand now why I never talked about this part of my past?

 

[Nerys Myk]

"Tuvok, how long has he been pressing that button?"

"The SOB, just wants more freaking tea. Ignore him and he'll give up in a few minutes"

 

[Candlelight]

"I'm sorry Captain... but when Captain Sulu... ahhh... presses that button I... can't help... but stand to attention... oh my..."