Contest: ENTER Voyager Caption Contest #187 Winter Games

[Catarina]

Janeway's Burnt Meatloaf award goes to: Orac

I would do anything for love, but I won't do that.


New iphoneXXXI award: Herbert

Dr Crusher: Damn, where can a get a scanner that will do that?

You're a genius but Star Fleet would ban it because they're not HBO award: Laura

Section 31 tests its new experimental weapon, code named "Liquid Phaser".


Cube poo. Now I've seen everything award: Hubert

Janeway: What's the name of this nebula?
Paris: According to Neelix, it's the Turd Nebula
Janeway: Appropriate



Captain's Photoshop award: Nerys

JANEWAY: What is this?
PARIS: I've traced it to sickbay!
JANEWAY: Damn it. I never should have switched that thing on!

Piggy-backing on Nerys award; Tharp devenport

Voice: "You are in the Matrix."

Janeway: "Whatever. As long as there is coffee, I'm fine anywhere."

Voice: "There is no coffee. Or spoon."

Janeway: "GET US THE HELL OUT OF HERE MR. PARIS!!!!!"



Our thoughts are one award: AC2T

Janeway: Meet our new tactical officer - Lt. Madden, take us through the battle plan.

Madden: NowNowNow... we only have phasers and photon torpedoes to shoot with, so if the phasers don’t work, WeWeWe we’re going to have to use the photons.
We’re going to take our allies’ offensive line and move them here, then double back, pass around the asteroid to the left, then turn and fire a photon. If we hit them, then we’ll probably hit them.

Janeway: ummm...thanks...


Fantastic turn-out everyone!

NEW ROUND:

 

[LeadHead]

B'Elanna: Okay, I'll level with you. There is no traditional Klingon courtship custom of warming up my hands when I'm cold.

Step 1: Take control of Translocation system.

Step 2: Beam 2 Nyrians to Freezing environment.

Step 3: Get Nyrians to release Voyager and prisoners.

Step 4: Unplug Translocation system before leaving.

Step 5: Wonder if letting Nyrians (who took thousands of prisoners, stole many ships, stations and colonies, plus allowing a group of prisoners to die from a plague) off the hook so easily is a good thing.

Chakotay: Harry, you wait here while I find a way to open these doors.

Kim: Wait, what?!

Odo: It's a good thing that the emergency supplies are kept in a secure location on runabouts so they can't all be destroyed in a small explosion.

Torres: Captain, I might need a little more time to do the repairs now...

 

[tharpdevenport]

Tom: "What the hell?! Where did you learn to pilot?!"

Janeway: "A lady named Troi. why do you ask?"

"Once upon a time this used to be a cave with a pit of fire. Hey, look -- you can see Sisko's corpse sticking out. LOL."

Torres: "OH! You're proposing! How sweet!"

Tom: "You know it, baby. By the way, I know it's a bad time to bring it up since we did it last night, but I may have salamander genes now."

 

[Orac]

Thanks for the win!

Janeway: Don't make me come in there.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Janeway: "Okay, Borg kids -- I'm going to have to leave you in here while I go ... do something. I promise to come back and check on your like Starfleet did Khan," turns and leaves the cave "Yeah. That shouldn't come back to bite me on the ass anytime soon -- I'm leaving the quadrant!"

 

[Herbert]

Thanks for the wins. Two wins! That's a first for me

Torres: Dude, don't bogart it!

 

[Herbert]

Voyager misses a gold medal by 1.8 seconds in the olympic 500+ kilometer starship bellyflop.

 

[Herbert]

Janeway: It's no use, we're stuck. Chakotay, break out the shovels. Mr Paris, we're going to need sand. Lots and lots of sand.

 

[Orac]

Captain's Log Stardate 1998.6: I've tracked the missing can of white paint to the cave set.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

TORRES: Wow, I didn't realize you were THAT hungry.

JANEWAY: Hey, do you need help getting down?
LUKE: Quick, hand me that lightsaber before it gets back!
JANEWAY: Sure. And then maybe you can tell me how we can get back to our time and back to our galaxy.

ENSIGN ON LEFT: They put us on all the GOOD assignments.
ENSIGN ON RIGHT: At least they gave us environment suits this time.
ENSIGN ON LEFT: Wait, you have a real environment suit?!

PARIS: We ran out of environment suits so I made fake ones for the Ensigns.
TUVOK: That is the logical thing to do.

(Crash)
JANEWAY: Okay, who didn't turn off their cellular data?!
PARIS: My bad.

 

[Mr Soak]

The new Winter Olympics sport - downhill starshipping.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Seen below is a rare deleted scene from "Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back"...

George Lucas commented on the upcoming Blu-ray re-re-re-re-release ultra special edition: "You see, at the time we didn't have the budget and I always meant for Captain Janeway to be in that scene, rescuing Luke."


#LukeRescuedFirst

 

[Tenacity]

Ensign on left:
"The universal translator says the button is marked "open silo."
Ensign on right:
"Go ahead and push it, what's the worse that could happen?"

Coming next week, Voyager visits the cocaine planet.

 

[Orac]

Ensign 1: Oh shit! Shit! Shit! The coloured lights on my suit have stopped blinking on and off! What does it mean?!
Ensign 2: You're fucked mate.

 

[tharpdevenport]

"Okay, remember: Try to not be seen by the bad guys when we get down there."

"But we're lite up kike Christmas trees."

"Okay, remember: stand in between me and the bad guys when we get down there."

 

[gwud]

Tom: Ok, now you blow me.

 

[Timewalker]

CAPTAIN'S LOG: We have encountered an unknown Earth colony that is holding an athletic festival called "The Olympics" that was popular on Earth a few centuries ago.

It appears that we came along at a fortuitous time, as we received a message saying their Zamboni had broken down, and would we mind clearing the snow off the lake so they can hold their hockey event.

In return for our assistance, we've been invited to watch some of the competitions.

JANEWAY: Excuse me, I seem to be lost. I'm trying to find the cross-country skiing venue, so I can watch the -

OFF-CAMERA VOICE: Lady, you ARE on the course! Get out of the way, you idiot, we're coming through NOW!

 

[tharpdevenport]

Where will your starship be when it's explosive plasmarrhrea comes back?

 

[Triskelion]

Janeway: Code Blue, everybody!
Paris: I think we're past that and well into "Code Grab Your Snowballs"

Chakotay: My people have a saying: Don't eat yellow snow.
Kim: Oh, did it snow in Mesoamerica?
Chakotay: I'm talking about my Neighborhood Association in San Francisco.

B'Elanna: You know in Klingon, if you smell my wrist, it starts off a mating ritual.
Tom: What does it mean if I just sniff your fingers?
B'Elanna: You're a perv
Tom: Oh same as on Earth.

 

[Herbert]

Kim: These are definitely animal tracks.
Chakotay: Scan them. What type are they?
Kim: According to the tricorder, they're Wampa tracks
Chakotay: I got a bad feeling about this