Voyager Caption Contest #142 Season 2 lite

[Catarina]

A Season 2 caption contest without Seska? Oops. My bad. Told you it was lite. haha.

I already accidentally refreshed out of this and had to start all over so I'm not remedying the lack o Seska.

Here are last week's awesome winners:

Doctor Bob's creativity for the retelling of Christmas Carol.

I'll admit I'm not pasting or I'd take up a huge chunk of the winner circle. But know you are cool.

The long-ass post winner goes to: Triskelion

EMH: Pops, now that I've got a Pops, I can ask the questions no one could answer for me.
Zim: I want to commit suicide, may as well try Death by Ennui.
EMH: Why is the sky blue?
Zim: Science.
EMH: Why did John Henry die?
Zim: Science.
EMH: What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object?
Zim: Science.
EMH: Where do babies come from?
Zim: Science.
EMH: Why do our phasers go pew pew pew in vacuum?
Zim: Science.
EMH: Why did Mother leave us?
Zim: Science.
EMH: How can we know if ghosts are real?
Zim: Seance.
EMH: Who watches the watchers?
Zim: Science.
EMH: What do Tholians poop?
Zim: Science.
EMH: Why do we always burn pot roasts?
Zim: Science.
EMH: Why does our captain piss off every fleet of superior alien ships she encounters?
Zim: - Is she on her period?
EMH: Wha- I don't think so.
Zim: Then...science.
EMH: Thanks, now I know why I can't get a date.
Zim: Bald.

Tharpdevenport's nod to the classic funny from Message in a Bottle:

Older EMH: "Stop looking at my bald spot!"

Doct: "My leering is merely a simulation."

Older EMH: "So is my bald spot. Stop it anyway!"

Here you go, Finn:

Harry: (OS) Shouldn't we tell the Commander that he's on the holodeck and that's not the real Captain?

Tom: (OS) Shush! It's about to get good *munches popcorn*

It seemed spot on to me so here you go Star dream:

Seven: What do you mean 'you won't comply'?

NebusJ:

Chakotay: ``I ... I just ... I think that ... in this particular case ... about this point ... it might be ... that the Captain ... that Captain Janeway ... might just be ... be mistaken ... ''

[ Janeway lightly growls ]

Chakotay: ``... about how brilliantly right she is.''

[ Janeway shifts to purring ]

Double win. I couldn't pick.

Congrats Triskelion! you lucky bastard. I may have to knock you down a peg next round...he who wins too often

Seven: I do not put out like a broken plasma injector puts out tachyon particles!
Torres: I can't believe he said that to you!
Seven: I know! Everybody knows a broken plasma injector puts out tetryon particles!

And Clever use of the Extra bags AEW2T's a win:

Crewman: I tried to warn you, man. If you dance with Seven, SHE leads!

[image below] We all know it's for incense, but

 

[Catarina]

Holo-crazy: Pardon me, his Lordship's mistress, do you have any Grey Poupon?

 

[stardream]

Having escaped from Caldos II the entity went looking for a suitable replacement for the Howard women.

 

[tharpdevenport]

"Hi, I'm a hologram run amuk."

Janeway: "Wrong ship. You want the Enterprise."

"Hey, it's the penislamp. We should probably ban it just incase of Goddamn butt-fucking communist Google AdSense."

Torres: "Nice ass, ace!"

It was then the writers decided to explore crew relationships further.

 

[Catarina]

Torres: "Nice ass, ace!"

It was then the writers decided to explore crew relationships further.

Exactly. And as for the penis lamp one. AHAHAHa (I had a lot of coffee so it's extra obnoxious)

 

[stardream]

Torres lost herself in a romantic fantasy where she dreamed of throwing heavy objects at Paris.

 

[2takesfrakes]

TORRES: "There's no-one around, Tom. We're not going to get caught."

PARIS: "I'm not having sex with you in the Engine Room, B'Elanna."

TORRES: "C'mon, Tom! Where's your Manhood?"

PARIS: "Once you get an idea in your head, you don't let go, do you ...?"

 

[Leviathan]

...and this is what they were smoking when they wrote 'Threshold'

 

[JirinPanthosa]

Harry Kim's favorite first date activity: Erotic chess.

PARIS: All I'm saying is, honey, that I'd like a little more Human B'elana out here, and a little more Klingon B'elana in *there*.

SECURITY OFFICER 1: It's a phaser! What do we do?
SECURITY OFFICER 2: I don't know. Let's run directly into the room without checking the sides of the door!
SECURITY OFFICER 1: No! Let's stand in the center of the corridor looking shocked!
SECURITY OFFICER 2: Wait. Noone's holding the phaser. We're safe.
SECURITY OFFICER 1: (Picks it up and it goes off in his hand, vaporizing him)

JANEWAY: Well. It must be my birthday! Come in, come in!

 

[Turbo]

Chakotay's medicine bundle had been bad enough, but when his cytoplasmic dildo malfunctioned and caused an orgy across three decks, Janeway knew it was time to call in a professional.

 

[stardream]

“Last night I dreamt I went to Manderley again.”

 

[tharpdevenport]

Janeway: "Hi, who are you?"

Slightly Older Lady: "I represent an advanced alien life form to complex to understand in person, so I have assumed the form of somebody from centuries ago, in order to fit in."

Janeway: "What do you want?"

Slightly Older Lady: "We've determined by examining your actions in the Delta Quadrant that you are not fit to be a part of this system and need to be punished for your actions."

Janeway: "What do you suggest?"

Slightly Older Lady: "I think some form of penalty is in order, so as to discourage this type of behavior in the future."

Janeway: "I suppose that's fair. What do you suggest?"

Slightly Older Lady: "Well, in a perfect universe I'd lock you in a stockage in a simulated public square. That probably requires to explaning to other species. You know, it's a tad old school, but my father was one to not spare the rod when I misbehaved."

Janeway: "Are you saying you wanna spank me?"

Slightly Older Lady: "I don't want to... but it looks like you left me no choice."

Janeway: "That's true. I'm a very bad girl."

Slightly Older Lady: "Are you prepared to recieve you punishment?"

Janeway: Shakes her head 'Yes', "One second -- computer, put on some music; Janeway Program 69."

Slightly Older Lady: "Very well then, get over my knee -- let's begin."

SPANK!

Janeway: "Oh my!"

Slightly Older Lady: "Excuse me -- you're not supposed to be enjoying this."

Janeway: "then maybe you should spank me harder..."

Slightly Older Lady: "Maybe I will."

SPANK!

Janeway: "Woo hoo!"

 

[Triskelion]

T4TW's The Perfect Gift! Just try to keep me away!

Tuvok: Now remember Kes, I am your meditation teacher and we are here in a spiritual capacity only. Now lets rub the magic lamp and try not to think about sex.
Kes: Where did you say you learned meditation again?
Tuvok: Bangkok. Why?

Torres: Looking at porn again? Keep that up and you may get the computer console pregnant.
Paris: Nah, we use the algorithm method.

Security 1: Sorry, Commander Chakotay - oh, it's only an inanimate object.
Security 2: Rookie mistake.

Psycho Housekeeper: Before I kill you, you...didn't go on the fourth floor, did you?
Janeway: First chance I got.
Psycho Housekeeper: You didn't, by chance, see....
Janeway: Lord Burleigh's oven mitt collection? Oh yes.


http://www.trekbbs.com//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/

 

[Finngle Bells]

Thanks for the win

Torres: ...Computer, remove Tom Paris' pants.

Chakotay: (over the com) Computer is saying you are spending time on the holodeck. You better not be doing one of those suicidal holopgrams again.

Torres: No, Chakotay. Nothing like that...tho those buns could kill...

 

[f14peter]

TOM: "So Hon, how was your girls' night out at the holodeck stripclub with the Qo'noSdale Dancers?"

B'LANNA: "Get over here big boy, right now!"

 

[hux]

Tuvok: First we meditate by inhaling the smoking pepper pot.

Kes: Why?

Tuvok: Just coz, alright.

B'Elanna: Sometimes, I wonder why I married you but then I see that sweet, sweet ass.

Security: Security to Janeway. He used the transporter to escape.

Janeway: What's that?

Security: It's a device for moving instantly from one place to another but that's no important right now.

Janeway: Computer, reduce psycho-bitchness by 60%.

Mrs. Templeton: Computer, ditto.

 

[joededman]

I'm not touching that! It looks exactly like that.. uhh.. plug thingy that the hooker was using last "movie" night.

 

[A Chimpanzee & 2 Trainees]

Russ : Robert, what is that?
Beltran : It WAS my copy of the script.
Russ : What about your lines?
Beltran : There's only so many ways to say "Captain, you're wrong." "Captain, you're not respecting my opinion." and "Captain, you were right anyway."
<Inhales>
At least I can have fun with the script now.

Dawson: Robby, why are you rolling pieces of the script into cigarettes?
McNeill : It's a trick I picked up from Beltran. Next week, we film "Threshhold"

Guard 1: I told you phasering it wouldn't work!!! Quick! Help me move this desk to cover the stain!
Guard 2: I told you not to drink the Captain's coffee, but would you listen? Nooo...

Extra: I'm looking for the Downton Abbey auditions...
Mulgrew: You and me both.
Extra: At least it's not a prison.
Mulgrew: Sometimes, I think I might prefer a prison...

 

[Catarina]

I'm over due for an update!

 

[Catarina]

To be honest I forgot everyone. (busy with the bronchitits plague around the household).