Contest: ENTER VGR Caption Contest #236: The One Where Paris is Demoted

[Orac]

Welcome to the all new Star Trek Voyager Caption Contest!

This contest will feature pictures from the 5th season episode of Star Trek Voyager: Thirty Days

But first, here are the winners of the last contest:

@Herbert wins the Captains Choice Award with:

Spock: Captain, your vogue needs work. Your body is not moving to the music.


@tharpdevenport wins another Best Fart Joke for his collection:

Computer: "Incoming holo-transmission from Lt. Tuvok, safeties disengaged."

FAAAAAARRRRRTTTTT

Janeway: "Computer, end holo-transmission!!!"


@A Chimpanzee & 2 Trainees get 3rd Prize with:

Jim, what are you doing.

Just letting everyone know I'm about to turn right.


@Laura Cynthia Chambers gets 2nd Place with:

Chakotay: "I'm sorry, your credit card has been declined."


And the Winner is @Oddish with:

MOSET: "But... you said you weren't going to 'probe' any more helpless ensigns!"
EMH: "I'm not. Mr. Paris was reinstated to lieutenant last week."

Congratulations!

Here're th' new pictures:

Bonus Picture:

 

[Oddish]

Hey! I won! Thanks very much! And congratulations to the other winners.

You're getting another story. Douglas Adams fans rejoice!

WESLEY: "Listen, Tom. There's this drink called a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster. Someone might offer you one... whatever you do, don't drink it."
TOM: "Oh, lighten up, Wes. It's just a drink, right?"

JANEWAY: "Tom, what is that you're drinking?"
TOM: "It's called a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster. I found the pattern in the replicat... AAARRGHHH!!!"
JANEWAY: "Medical emergency! Beam Mr. Paris directly to sickbay!"

SEVEN: "Mr. Paris drank a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster? Is he alive?"

CHAKOTAY: "I've deleted the pattern from the replicators, and all references to Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters from the database. We shouldn't have any more... accidents of this nature."

TOM: "Urghhh!! What happened? Feels like I had my brains smashed out by..."
EMH: "A slice of lemon wrapped around a large gold brick?"
TOM: "How'd you know?"

EMH: "Good news, Mr. Paris. You have come through your ordeal with the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster with only minimal brain damage. In the future, however, if you want to indulge your 'inner bad boy' by consuming illicit substances, I would advise you to stick with Romulan ale."

EPILOGUE: The entire crew believed that Tom had come through his ordeal with no visible ill effect whatsoever. However, they didn't know what was happening on Holodeck One, that very night...

TOM: "Computer, begin new program. I think we'll call it... 'Fair Haven'."

 

[tharpdevenport]

Weird Blue-Head Cover Guy: "What the hell is he smiling about?"

Tom: "We don't know."

Woodcotay (inner monologue): "A Good 25% of the farts on the Bridge are mine but no one ever knows it since Tuvok gets all the credit..."

Mistress Janeway: "Oh, sorry, Lt. I told you not to drink that. Me and 7 were filming a re-make of a 20th century video 'Two Girls and One Cup'..."

"My name is actually Tom. Or I have a half brother named Tom Paris."

Wesley: "Wait -- which one is it?"

"Which ever fixes continuity and pleases the fans."

 

[Catarina]

Paris: A digital rectal exam for a prostate check? Doc, they did away with that.
Doctor: Captain Janeway insists on ancient Earth modalities as part of the punishment. *snaps glove off*

[Observing haircut]
Nick: And they say I'm a d**k.

 

[Herbert]

Thanks for the win!

Locarno: Dude! What size bowl did they use for that haircut?

 

[tharpdevenport]

Tom Locarno: Looks at the hair again, "Are you SURE you're not gay?"

Wesley E. Coyote: Super Genius: "Oh course not. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go travel the universe alone with a single older man who I phased with."

 

[Orac]

Nick: Pineapple on pizza. Are you insane?

Tom: Pineapple on pizza. Are you insane?

 

[Nerys Myk]

Nick: Tom Paris? Tom "My Daddy got me in the Academy" Paris? I look nothing like that loser!

 

[Oddish]

Wes's hair actually looks like a 1930's era flat cap.

 

[Catarina]

Wes's hair actually looks like a 1930's era flat cap.

It does

 

[Herbert]

Doc: Not to worry Mr Paris, I am programmed with the combined medical knowledge of the entire..........pause........Federation.......pause............. (under his breath) The hell is that?
Paris: What did you say?

 

[Herbert]

Locarno: (thinking. Not listening to blue hoodie alien in front of him) I think Chakotay's starting to suspect that I murdered Paris and I'm really Locarno.

Later that day, Voyager's first officer meets with an unfortunate airlock malfunction mishap.
The next day Locarno goes for a physical exam

Doc: Well, Mr Paris, everything is looking good here. You are very healthy. Hmm, that's odd, some of these readings are quite different than your last physical.
Locarno: The uh.... atmosphere was strange on that last planet. Could that be the cause? Maybe the biofilter missed something.
Doc: (skeptical) I think that's unlikely. I'm going to run a few more tests.
Locarno: (thinking) Damn. If he keeps examining me, he's going to find out I'm not Paris. I think the Doc is overdue for a little "accidental" systems failure.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

GIlbert Gottfried's attempt to join the crew was not a rousing success.

 

[Nerys Myk]

EMH: No sign of lice.
PARIS: What??? Am I dead?
EMH: Lice, you idiot, not life.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

"Captain, why did you allow the Blue Man Group ambassador on board?"

"Doctor to the bridge. I've scanned Mr. Paris' brain and found nothing."

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Paris: "So I asked B'Elanna what I ought to do with my hair, but she was too busy telling me about the letter she got from a friend, the repairs she made today, who's dating who...honestly, sometimes she just talks a blue streak!"
The Doctor: "Mmmhmm."
Paris (exasperated): "What'd I just say?"
The Doctor: "B'Elanna suggested you get a blue streak in your hair."
Paris: "Yeah...what?! No!"
The Doctor: "Oops. Too late."

 

[Orac]

Nick: Bitch, where th' motherfucken cheese at?
Wesley: Uhhh.. I don't know.

 

[Orac]

7: Lieutenant Tuvok, I recognized your foul stench when I was beamed aboard.

 

[tharpdevenport]

7 of 9: "Captain, we received a subspace communication from acting Lt. junior grade Lizzo. She asked us if we knew, quote, 'Um, where the hell my communicator at'? I assume that was some attempt at English."

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Nick: "Nice hat hair, Wesley."
Wesley: "What hat hair? I brushed it this morning!"
Nick: *snickers*