Unexpected/unwanted pregnancies: what should guys' responsibility be?

[Gaith]

The big question from an interesting article from Slate today:

As a thought experiment, I tried to imagine I was having an irresolvable conflict with a man over an accidental pregnancy. I told Conley I just don’t see a compromise: It has to be the woman’s choice.

He said, “Then the man shouldn’t be responsible for the baby.”


​

Seems like a no-brainer to me, but it's not a matter I've really thought about before. However, as I understand it, unless I'm way off-base, in most if not all of the US, if a guy fathers a child (sperm donors excepted), and the woman decides to keep it (i.e., neither abort nor give it away), the guy will be legally required to pay some amount of child support until said person's eighteenth birthday.

Heck, I've, uh, risked fathering an unwanted child a few times, never without protection, but said protection wasn't 100% effective. And, for the sake of discussion, one of the women involved could hypothetically have have, er, gone around said protection after the fact, and gotten herself pregnant without my assent, and afterward claimed not to know anything more than I did about the conception. Was I risking eighteen years of child support in these cases? I'm not certain, but probably, yes, in which case the woman would have had 100% of the say in the matter. Doesn't quite seem fair, does it?

I respect a woman's right to privacy in medical procedures. But maybe, in order to ensure fairness, fathers of fetuses should have to sign "fatherhood agreements" in order to be on the hook for child support? A binding, non-revocable statement that, should the woman have the child, he'll take his share of responsibility for it?

Discuss.

 

[Robert Maxwell]

Re: Unexpected/unwanted pregnancies: what should guys' responsibility

Don't put your dick into a woman's vagina unless you are prepared to accept any and all potential consequences--and that includes child support.

 

[Kestra]

Re: Unexpected/unwanted pregnancies: what should guys' responsibility

I feel like it's one of those things where it's never going to be fair, just because of the way we work. And that we shouldn't put fairness above certain rights, like the right of a woman to decide whether or not to carry the child to term. I'm sympathetic to the unfairness of it to fathers, but attempting to even that out seems like it would only hurt the child. I dunno, it's one thing where fairness doesn't trump everything else for me.

 

[iguana_tonante]

Re: Unexpected/unwanted pregnancies: what should guys' responsibility

Doesn't quite seem fair, does it?

Life isn't fair. Sucks to be him.

No, the same doesn't apply to women's pregnancies, because in that case the issue is not personal responsibily, but body integrity. Every person has the right to decide what happens inside their body.

Both father and mother have the right to a complete control about what happens in their body: the difference is that for men that right stops with ejaculation.

 

[Locutus of Bored]

Re: Unexpected/unwanted pregnancies: what should guys' responsibility

It's unfortunately one of those situations where you just have to accept a little unfairness because the alternative is so much worse. You can't force women to have babies they don't want or not have babies they do want. You don't want the mess of legal battles that would result from fathers saying they don't want to be legally responsible for a child because they never wanted it; which would more often than not come would down to he said/she said arguments or almost impossible to prove things like whether the father deliberately refused to use contraception or not. You don't want fathers years down the road in a bitter divorce claiming they never intended to have children in the first place and making the kids feel unwanted.

Life isn't always fair, so you better make sure you use contraception, and if there's an accidental pregnancy even then and she wants to have the baby, that's just the way it is because the alternatives are nearly impossible to regulate or oppressive in nature.

 

[MacLeod]

Re: Unexpected/unwanted pregnancies: what should guys' responsibility

The rights of expectent fathers is one I think the legislative will find almost impossible to resolve to the satisfaction of both parties. It's a legal minefield, there is enough discord regarding pro-life/pro-choice without compounding it.

^I'm sure there will be instances of where the female doesn't want the child but the male does. But as I said it'll be a legal mindfield. Over the mothers rights vs the fathers right.

 

[1001001]

Re: Unexpected/unwanted pregnancies: what should guys' responsibility

All potential consequences, including having a baby you don't want, are readily available to the man in advance. There's no excuse for not knowing what might happen.

It does seem unfair, but as was already said, the alternatives are simply unacceptable.

If I have any sympathy at all, it's for those very rare cases when the father wants the baby, and the mother does not. That must hurt quite a bit.

Still, the way it works is not secret information. Unfortunately, people don't always think before they act.

It's good to be careful with your behavior, especially when that behavior can create life.

 

[Robert Maxwell]

Re: Unexpected/unwanted pregnancies: what should guys' responsibility

Over the mothers rights vs the fathers right.

This is the part people have got wrong.

The part of it that is the mother's right alone is to decide whether or not to have the baby. I think everyone is agreed that it's unacceptable to let anyone else have the power to make that decision.

But once the child is born, it has rights of its own--including support from both parents. At that point, the rights of the mother and father don't matter as much, because the child's rights must be protected.

Allowing a father to simply walk away because he didn't want a kid gets portrayed as some kind of "fairness." But that's only because it's ignoring the rights of the child, and instead considers only the rights of the parents. "She wanted a kid, I didn't; she should have to pay for it, not me." It effectively punishes the child for a decision they had absolutely nothing to do with. It's quite right that the law recognizes this and proceeds accordingly.

 

[MacLeod]

Re: Unexpected/unwanted pregnancies: what should guys' responsibility

^Which is why I said it was a legal mindfield. Rightly or wrongly as it stands at the moment the father has no rights re: the child until it is born. Unfortunantly there is nothing that can be down without imposing represive laws.

 

[Robert Maxwell]

Re: Unexpected/unwanted pregnancies: what should guys' responsibility

^Which is why I said it was a legal mindfield. Rightly or wrongly as it stands at the moment the father has no rights re: the child until it is born. Unfortunantly there is nothing that can be down without imposing represive laws.

"Minefield."

Anyway, this is why I think men just need to be circumspect about their sexual partners. Women are generally more choosy partly because the consequences of a poor choice are much greater for them. Women have to worry about getting pregnant. Maybe men should be worrying about whether they'll have to pay child support.

I realize it probably makes those spontaneous nights of passion a bit less romantic, but not thinking things through is exactly how unintended consequences come into play.

 

[horatio83]

Re: Unexpected/unwanted pregnancies: what should guys' responsibility

But maybe, in order to ensure fairness, fathers of fetuses should have to sign "fatherhood agreements" in order to be on the hook for child support? A binding, non-revocable statement that, should the woman have the child, he'll take his share of responsibility for it?

Discuss.

You are seriously suggesting that a father should have have the right to choose to care for his child or not, that parental responsibility should be optional just because some guys are too stupid or too lazy to use contraceptives?
And if you do not trust a woman in these matter and seriously think that she wants to become pregnant behind your back you might wanna think twice about having sex or any relations with her.

I am fairly sure that there are far more fathers who do not care about their children than mothers who wanna get impregnated by a random guy they have sex with. So for the sake of children one has to be against "optional fatherhood".

 

[Amaris]

Re: Unexpected/unwanted pregnancies: what should guys' responsibility

Robert Maxwell's position is pretty much my own. Though, like digits, I do have a lot of sympathy for the men who want to keep the baby and the woman doesn't. Still, it's her decision. It's her right.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Re: Unexpected/unwanted pregnancies: what should guys' responsibility

^ I have found myself agreeing with people I never thought I'd agree with, but: This.

 

[wissaboo]

Re: Unexpected/unwanted pregnancies: what should guys' responsibility

Unfortunately biology isn't fair. I have very difficult pregnancies. I had 3 miscarriages that required surgery. I had medical tests that involved me being put under. I had to take a lot of drugs while pregnant that puts me at risk for things later in life. I also had gestational diabetes with both my kids and had to inject myself with insulin 4 times a day. On top of the other medications that meant 6 injections a day. When I was pregnant with my second I broke my arm and gave myself those injections with one hand. Then you have the regular pregnancy issues like discomfort, morning sickness and such. And believe me when I tell you, if anyone had honestly told me how uncomfortable it was to be 8 months pregnant I would have though they were exagerating. And then I gave birth. But I'm not complaining because I had a beautiful baby at the end of it. My husband got one too. You know what he did? he had an orgasm. And drove me to a few dr's appointments.

I have to admit I resented him a bit because he got a baby too and he didn't have to go through what I did. But you know what? biology isn't fair. Goes both ways.

 

[Knight Templar]

Re: Unexpected/unwanted pregnancies: what should guys' responsibility

Yet another reason people should not have sex unless they are married.

 

[1001001]

Re: Unexpected/unwanted pregnancies: what should guys' responsibility

Yet another reason people should not have sex unless they are married.

Right because no married couples argue about having children, abuse/neglect their kids, or walk out on child support.

Good call.

 

[Knight Templar]

Re: Unexpected/unwanted pregnancies: what should guys' responsibility

Yet another reason people should not have sex unless they are married.

Right because no married couples argue about having children, abuse/neglect their kids, or walk out on child support.

Good call.

Logic would indicate that it is less than the alternative.

 

[horatio83]

Re: Unexpected/unwanted pregnancies: what should guys' responsibility

Propaganda has little to do with logic. By the way, I am waiting for the 'abstinence is the best contraceptive' speech.

 

[iguana_tonante]

Re: Unexpected/unwanted pregnancies: what should guys' responsibility

In related news, breathing leads to lung cancer. Avoid it at all costs!

 

[Gov Kodos]

Re: Unexpected/unwanted pregnancies: what should guys' responsibility

In related news, breathing leads to lung cancer. Avoid it at all costs!

I've noticed it seems to be healthy lungs that come down with cancer, It's the healthy lungs' fault.