Twisted Endings to OS Episodes (be creative)

[Noname Given]

Tomorrow Is Yesterday

The Enterprise gets back to its own time, and Kirk checks in with Starfleet Command.

Spock (to Kirk as he signs off with Starfleet): "Excuse me, Sir, I just found something else I missed in my original review of the historical records."

Kirk: "You did, Spock? What was it?"

Spock: "Captain Christopher had a second son, Jeffrey Sean Christopher..."

Kirk: "OK, but why did you go out of your way to tell me this?"

Spock: "He was actually Jeffrey Sean Christopher, Esquire. And said gentleman got a hot tip on a new invention--the historical records system. Bought it and patented it. Every time it's used, there's a 5 million credit royalty. And our bill just came in. Sir, Starfleet Accounting won't be happy."

Kirk (on intercom): "Scotty, any chance we might reverse that slingshot we just did?"

End of episode music plays. Cut to commercial.

Here's a very twistwed take of Tomorrow Is Yesterday in general (link)

(And no, I didn't do this one - but I found it one day, really liked it, and thopught a link to it would be appropiate here The person who did do this did a great job imo - YMMV)

 

[Hofner]

The end of "The Galileo Seven" as everyone is laughing Commissioner Ferris comes onto the bridge.

Ferris: What is wrong with you people! Two of your compatriots are tragically dead and you're laughing your asses off?!

Everyone momentarily stares blankly at Ferris, then suddenly starts cracking up again. Ferris storms off the bridge as McCoy starts imitating the grotesque motions of a person being shish kebabed by a huge spear, making everyone laugh even harder.

Robert

 

[Isis]

Tomorrow Is Yesterday

The Enterprise gets back to its own time, and Kirk checks in with Starfleet Command.

Spock (to Kirk as he signs off with Starfleet): "Excuse me, Sir, I just found something else I missed in my original review of the historical records."

Kirk: "You did, Spock? What was it?"

Spock: "Captain Christopher had a second son, Jeffrey Sean Christopher..."

Kirk: "OK, but why did you go out of your way to tell me this?"

Spock: "He was actually Jeffrey Sean Christopher, Esquire. And said gentleman got a hot tip on a new invention--the historical records system. Bought it and patented it. Every time it's used, there's a 5 million credit royalty. And our bill just came in. Sir, Starfleet Accounting won't be happy."

Kirk (on intercom): "Scotty, any chance we might reverse that slingshot we just did?"

End of episode music plays. Cut to commercial.

Here's a very twistwed take of Tomorrow Is Yesterday in general (link)

(And no, I didn't do this one - but I found it one day, really liked it, and thopught a link to it would be appropiate here The person who did do this did a great job imo - YMMV)

Thank you, Noname. Definitely worth a look...and a listen.

 

[Jeri]

"Requiem for Methuselah": Rayna Kapec does not die; instead she activates the other Raynas and they harass "Flint" the rest of his nettled days, a la Lord Harry Mudd. Kirk decides maybe it wasn't love after all...

 

[Brutal Strudel]

"The Enemy Within"

Spock: "The imposter had some rather interesting qualities. Wouldn't you say, Yeoman?"

Rand harrumphs and walks off. Quick cut to:

Spock, waking to find himself face down on his bunk, in restraints and pants-less.

Rand, buckling a certain type of "utility belt" around her waist: "Now. Let's explore some 'interesting qualities,' shall we?"

 

[Sky]

McCOY: Well whaddaya know, I finally got the last ——

CHAPEL: Word!

(McCOY opens his mouth to speak, but before he can, quick cut to Enterprise flying through space.)

 

[Warped9]

Kirk: I wanted his service record to end that way. He didn't ask for what happened to him.

Spock: I felt for him, too... Uh, do you think I could go through his blu-ray collection?

 

[TheKeeper]

Arena:

Kirk: We're a very promising species, Mr. Spock, as savages go.
Spock: I've frequently had my doubts, Captain...
[Spock is interrupted by the sound and visual pattern of the Metrons on the viewscreen.]
Metron: We are the Metrons. Young Metron Zapdoodle overstepped his authority in agreeing to spare you. We will now destroy you for being the greater threat to our space, as we always intended. It is done.
Kirk: Hey, what the hell!!! We have a verbal contra...
[BOOM!]

 

[TeaKirk]

And the Children Shall Lead: After Gorgon the Friendly Angel leaves and the children are crying:
Kirk: Now let's shove these little fuckers out an airlock!

OMG That is so evil!!!!!!!! *Laughs*

 

[T'Girl]

SPOCK: The Earth buffalo. What about it?
CRATER: Once there were millions of them prairies black with them. One herd covered three whole states, and when they moved they were like thunder.
SPOCK: And now they're gone.

( Later )

SULU: Ready to leave orbit, Captain.
SPOCK: Something wrong, Captain?
KIRK: I was thinking about the buffalo, Mister Spock. Barbecued.
SULU: "With baked beans."
UHURA: "Oh, cajun barbecued buffalo.
McCOY: "I remember when my uncles would take me buffalo hunting as a boy.
KIRK: "Me too. we bagged ten just this one summer.
CHEKOV: "The place down the street, they had the best buffalo jerky.
SPOCK: "I fail to see the logic of driving a creature extinct simply because they are "good eatin."

Entire bridge laughs.

.

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

"The Enemy Within"

Spock: "The imposter had some rather interesting qualities. Wouldn't you say, Yeoman?"

Rand harrumphs and walks off. Quick cut to:

Spock, waking to find himself face down on his bunk, in restraints and pants-less.

Rand, buckling a certain type of "utility belt" around her waist: "Now. Let's explore some 'interesting qualities,' shall we?"

And Rand finds out that Spock has no clenching reflex.

 

[Nerys Myk]

DEHNER: Hurry. You haven't much time. (the two men punch and wrestle until Kirk raises a rock over his head)
KIRK: Gary, forgive me. (Mitchell's eyes glow again)
MITCHELL: For a moment, James, but your moment is fading. (they both fall into the grave, but Kirk leaps out first, grabs the rifle and brings the boulder down to entomb Mitchell)
DEHNER: I'm sorry. You can't know what it's like to be almost a god. (dies)
KIRK: Enterprise from Captain Kirk, come in.
SPOCK: Photon torpedoes have been launched.
KIRK: Wha...

Explosions

[Bridge]

SPOCK: Captain's log, Star date 1313.8. Add to official losses, Doctor Elizabeth Dehner. Be it noted she gave her life in performance of her duty. Captain James R. Kirk. Emotional, sentimental Idiot.
PIPER: There's little hope for you Captain Spock.

 

[Hofner]

The end of "The Corbomite Maneuver".

Kirk and McCoy beams back to the Enterprise leaving Bailey behind on the Fesarius. Kirk immediately gets on the intercom to the bridge.

Kirk: Bridge! Go to absolute top warp speed now! We need to get as far away as possible before Balok realizes what we've unloaded on him!

Back on the Fesarius as the Enterprise speeds away Bailey and Balok are sitting quietly sipping Tranya. All of a sudden Bailey leaps to his feet.

Bailey: What's WRONG with you! There's danger all around us and you JUST SIT THERE!! At any moment we might be killed by some space anomaly and YOU'RE SIPPING TRANYA!! WHAT ARE YOU; A ROBOT!?!!

Fade as Bailey contimues to scream at Balok.

Robert

 

[T'Girl]

Balok: "I'll give you just five seconds to calm down Mr. Bailey!"

Bailey: "Oh, he's doing a countdown."

 

[Theodore Jay Miller]

"The Changeling"

Capt. Kirk: It's not easy to lose a bright and promising son.
Spock: Sir?
Capt. Kirk: Well, it thought I was its mother didn't it? Do you think I am completely without feelings, Mr. Spock? You saw what it did to the entire population of the Malurian system.
[a beat]
Capt. Kirk: My son, the genocidal maniac worse than Hitler.
[hits his chest]
Capt. Kirk: Gets you right there.

 

[Asrathiel]

The end of "The Corbomite Maneuver".

Kirk and McCoy beams back to the Enterprise leaving Bailey behind on the Fesarius. Kirk immediately gets on the intercom to the bridge.

Kirk: Bridge! Go to absolute top warp speed now! We need to get as far away as possible before Balok realizes what we've unloaded on him!

Back on the Fesarius as the Enterprise speeds away Bailey and Balok are sitting quietly sipping Tranya. All of a sudden Bailey leaps to his feet.

Bailey: What's WRONG with you! There's danger all around us and you JUST SIT THERE!! At any moment we might be killed by some space anomaly and YOU'RE SIPPING TRANYA!! WHAT ARE YOU; A ROBOT!?!!

Fade as Bailey contimues to scream at Balok.

Bwahahahaha!

These are bloody tops You people rock

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: Mister Sulu, prepare to move in on the Romulan vessel. Ship-to-ship, Uhura. Put this on the screen.
UHURA: (still at the navigation station) Hailing frequencies open, sir.
(The viewscreen shows a wrecked room and just the Commander still on his feet)
KIRK: Captain. Standing by to beam your survivors aboard our ship. Prepare to abandon your vessel.
COMMANDER [on viewscreen]: No. No, that is not our way. I regret that we meet in this way. You and I are of a kind. In a different reality, I could have called you friend.
SPOCK: (to Kirk) Captain, what are you doing?
KIRK: You show them compassion may be the only way to earn peace with Romulus. It's logic, Spock. Thought you'd like that.
SPOCK: No, not really. Not this time.
COMMANDER: (on viewscreen) I would rather suffer the end of Romulus a thousand times. I would rather die in agony than accept assistance from you.
KIRK: You got it. Arm phasers, fire everything we got.

 

[Hofner]

A variation on an old theme, "The Enemy Within"

Spock: The impostor had some rather interesting qualities; wouldn't you say, yeoman?

Rand just stares at him: Uh huh.

Suddenly she ploinks! him hard in his eyes with her fingers, then rips some of his hair out of his head.

Spock: Ow! What's the big idea?

Rand: Just giving you a demonstration of some of 'my' "interesting qualities". Here's a few more of 'em.

She then thwacks his nose, kicks him in the shin and endeavors to yank one of his ears off.
Ship recedes into distance as we continue to hear ploinking noises and Spock's yelps of pain.


"Devil In The Dark"

Kirk: With the help of the Hortas, you'll be embarassingly rick.
Vanderberg: Yeeeep, we're gonna be filthy rich all right.
K: Rakin' in the greenbacks.
V: Rollin' in the dough.
K: Mucho dinero.
V: Money fights on Friday nights.
(Both men laughs.)

Vanderberg: Yeah, those baby Hortas are kinda cute. Say, that reminds me. Kirk, could your people up there in that fancy ship fabricate and send down a couple of prosthetic hands? We didn't realize that it's best not to touch the little devils until they've been toilet trained...

Robert

 

[Capt_Pickirk]

KIRK: Mister Sulu, prepare to move in on the Romulan vessel. Ship-to-ship, Uhura. Put this on the screen.
UHURA: (still at the navigation station) Hailing frequencies open, sir.
(The viewscreen shows a wrecked room and just the Commander still on his feet)
KIRK: Captain. Standing by to beam your survivors aboar...
COMMANDER: Spock??
SPOCK: Father?? What are you doing on a romulan vesse...
COMMANDER: I will not answer!!
SPOCK: Perhaps I should beam over...
COMMANDER: No!! That would be illogical! illogical!!
(Camera pans slowly up to Kirk's face)
KIRK: Mr Sulu....Fire

(Dramatic Music plays as TO BE CONTINUED appears on the screen)

 

[Capt_Pickirk]

Sorry for double post

"The Cage"
Spock: Check the circuit!
(Tyler presses button)
Computer: Self Destruct initiated
Tyler: Woops.
Pike: Aw great
Tyler: Well, if Spock hadn't been shouting...

Enteprise blows up, thus preventing the entire franchise from happening. Oops