Twisted Endings to OS Episodes (be creative)

[Captrek]

(The fal-tor-pan is completed. Everybody anxiously awaits to see what happened.)

SPOCK: I’m all right, Jim.

KIRK: Good to have you back, Spock.

SPOCK: Spock? What are you... (hesitantly touches his ears and feels the pointed tips) What the devil? Oh no.

McCOY: The situation is even less agreeable for me, Doctor. I find it illogical that you should object to residing in what is unquestionably a superior body.

SPOCK: Dammit, Spock, I’m a doctor, not a green-blooded hobgoblin!

McCOY: The two categories are not logically exclusive. You are both. (Checks his own anatomy.) And I believe I have just discovered why your wife left you. Interesting.

KIRK: (whimpers)

 

[sbk1234]

And the Children Shall Lead: After Gorgon the Friendly Angel leaves and the children are crying:
Kirk: Now let's shove these little fuckers out an airlock!

 

[Chrisisall]

^This is hilarious.

 

[Timewalker]

KIRK and McCOY: ♫ Row, row, row your boat... ♪

SPOCK: (vaporizes them both with a phaser) I am so fucking sick of that stupid song.

How do you make the musical notes?

 

[ToddPence]

At the end of any episode in which Spock makes some barbed quip about how savage and barbaric humans are -

Kirk stands up and shouts, "Hey, anyone from a planet that no longer requires a duel to the death as part of their mating ritual, raise their hands!"

The entire bridge crew, sans Spock, raises their hands. Spock shuffles off, shamefaced, back to his science station.

 

[Warped9]

At the end of any episode in which Spock makes some barbed quip about how savage and barbaric humans are -

Kirk stands up and shouts, "Hey, anyone from a planet that no longer requires a duel to the death as part of their mating ritual, raise their hands!"

The entire bridge crew, sans Spock, raises their hands. Spock shuffles off, shamefaced, back to his science station.

 

[Captrek]

Kirk stands up and shouts, "Hey, anyone from a planet that no longer requires a duel to the death as part of their mating ritual, raise their hands!"

Ah, of course, so that’s what Colonel Kirk and Char Aznable are doing!

 

[Noname Given]

A different ending to City on the Edge of Forvever

As Edither Keeler begins to cross the street:

Edith (Yelling to Kirk): "Hey Jim. I need to tell you I'm pregnant with your child!"

A car zooms up...McCoy starts to dash out, as Kirk forcibly grabs him and throws him to the ground...

McCoy: "I could have saved her! Do you realize what you just did?!"

Spock: "Believe me doctor, HE KNOWS!"

Kirk: <cracks a small smile and a look of relief to the camera>

....the rest as seen in 1967

 

[T'Girl]

SPOCK: A feeling is not much to go on.
KIRK: Sometimes a feeling, Mister Spock, is all we humans have to go on.
SPOCK: Captain, you almost make me believe in luck.
KIRK: Why, Mister Spock, you almost make me believe in The Banana Sandwich.
SPOCK: Excuse me Captain?
MCCOY: Surely that Vulcan mind knows about The Banana Sandwich!
SPOCK: Doctor . . .
KIRK: I got the white bread.
SCOTTY: "I got the mayo.
SULU: I got the banana.

Spock edges toward the turbolift.

 

[Mytran]

(The fal-tor-pan is completed. Everybody anxiously awaits to see what happened.)

SPOCK: I’m all right, Jim.

KIRK: Good to have you back, Spock.

SPOCK: Spock? What are you... (hesitantly touches his ears and feels the pointed tips) What the devil? Oh no.

McCOY: The situation is even less agreeable for me, Doctor. I find it illogical that you should object to residing in what is unquestionably a superior body.

SPOCK: Dammit, Spock, I’m a doctor, not a green-blooded hobgoblin!

McCOY: The two categories are not logically exclusive. You are both. (Checks his own anatomy.) And I believe I have just discovered why your wife left you. Interesting.

KIRK: (whimpers)

There's some good material on this thread, but this one I love!

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: Mister Spock, playback the chant the children sang to summon up the Gorgan.
ALL [OC]: Hail, hail rock and roll Deliver me from the days of old Long live rock and roll The beat of the drums, loud and bold Rock, rock, rock and roll The feelin' is there, body and soul.
KIRK: The time has come to see the world as it is. Come on.
(Chuck Berry appears.)
CHUCK: Who has summoned me?
KIRK: I did. Could you play "Roll Over Beethoven"?

 

[Captrek]

McCOY: Well whaddaya know, I finally got the last ——

CHAPEL: Word!

(McCOY opens his mouth to speak, but before he can, quick cut to Enterprise flying through space.)

 

[Captrek]

DEHNER: I’m sorry. You can’t know what it’s like to be almost a god.

KIRK: I do, except for the “almost” part.

(bridge)

KIRK: Captain's log, Star date 1313.8. Add to official losses, Doctor Elizabeth Dehner. Be it noted she gave her life in performance of her duty. Lieutenant Commander Gary Mitchell, same notation. I want their service records to end that way. They didn’t ask for what happened to them.

SPOCK: I felt for him, too. But not for her. Bitch. You know I damn near puke every time I look at her. ’Sides, I’ll bet she wasn’t a real blond.

KIRK: How dare you say that about a Starfleet officer, Mr. Spock.

SPOCK: I’ll not only say it, but I’ll back it with twenty bucks, how’s that?

KIRK: You have yourself a bet, Spock. Sulu, you’re my witness.

SULU: I’ll be a witness, but who’s going to be the poor schmuck who finds out?

SPOCK: We all gotta see it together. I have a plan involving the shower...

KIRK: Uh, Spock, she’s dead.

SPOCK: Your point?

 

[Leathco]

This unit must.......die.

Sulu: Captain, M5 has enabled the self-destruct! Five seconds to initiation!
Spock: A logical conclusion. Unfortunate for us.
Kirk: Override NOW!
McCoy: Oh shit.

KaBOOM!

Series over.

 

[jtkirk]

"AMOK TIME"

MCCOY: You can't tell me that when you first saw Jim alive ...that you weren't about to cry like a lil' pointy eared baby?

SPOCK: Merely my quite logical relief that Starfleet ...

MCCOY: WAAAHHH goes the vulcan cry baby!!

SPOCK: ...had not lost a highly proficient captain.

KIRK: Yes, Mr. Spock. I understand.

MCCOY: WAAAHHH...WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!

SPOCK: ...Thank you, Captain.

MCCOY: I think we got ourself a screamer here Jim. WAAAHHH goes the vulcan cry baby...WAAAHHH...

***SPOCK APPLIES VULCAN DEATH GRIP TO MCCOY***

SPOCK: YOU...WILL...BE...SILENT!!

***MCCOY IS DEAD***

SPOCK: As Mccoy used to say...he's DEAD Jim!

KIRK: Come on, Spock. Let's go mind the store.

 

[Tiberius]

You know all those episodes where Kirk beats the computer by some variation of "You have broken your prime directive, you must be destroyed"?

Man, it's lucky the computers never tried that on kirk, isn't it?

 

[sbk1234]

I can't take credit for this one:

Star Trek III:
Spock: Ship, out of danger?
Kirk: You saved the ship. Don't you remember?
Spock: Jim. Your name is Jim.
Kirk: Yes.
Spock: (To Scotty) Your name is Jim.
Spock: (To Chekov) Your name is Jim.
Spock: (To Saavik) Your name is Jim....

 

[Tribble]

(The fal-tor-pan is completed. Everybody anxiously awaits to see what happened.) [...]

Hm, what about Kirk and Spock properly 'celebrating' their reunion at the end of Amok Time? ... Oh wait, there's fanfiction for that.

 

[Isis]

Tomorrow Is Yesterday

The Enterprise gets back to its own time, and Kirk checks in with Starfleet Command.

Spock (to Kirk as he signs off with Starfleet): "Excuse me, Sir, I just found something else I missed in my original review of the historical records."

Kirk: "You did, Spock? What was it?"

Spock: "Captain Christopher had a second son, Jeffrey Sean Christopher..."

Kirk: "OK, but why did you go out of your way to tell me this?"

Spock: "He was actually Jeffrey Sean Christopher, Esquire. And said gentleman got a hot tip on a new invention--the historical records system. Bought it and patented it. Every time it's used, there's a 5 million credit royalty. And our bill just came in. Sir, Starfleet Accounting won't be happy."

Kirk (on intercom): "Scotty, any chance we might reverse that slingshot we just did?"

End of episode music plays. Cut to commercial.

 

[The Squire of Gothos]

Eminiar and Vendekar going at it “for real,” causing things like nuclear winter and other environmental catastrophes, making life horrible beyond comprehension for anybody who lives on either planet

They did in the comic story "The Trial of James T Kirk". IIRC half of Eminar is laid waste and Vendekar utterly ruined.

"The Enemy Within"

Spock: "The imposter had some rather interesting qualities. Wouldn't you say, Yeoman?"

Rand: "Are some kind of sick pervert or something? What is wrong with you? Captain, did you here what this sicko just said to me?"

Or;

Rand: Yes, he did Mr Spock. <smiles at the Captain, Kirk squirms and orders warp speed>