KIRK:"Get Scotty up here.
MOBY DICK on this new flatscreen looks awful. Queequeg's tattoos are all distorted. He needs to tweak the settings and plugs."
Trek XI Caption Contest #17: Tough Crowds
- Thread starter Rat Boy
- Start date
KIRK:"Get Scotty up here.
MOBY DICK on this new flatscreen looks awful. Queequeg's tattoos are all distorted. He needs to tweak the settings and plugs."
Nero: I've been waiting for this day my whole life, this day of reckoning...
I shall destroy your childhoods like your movie destroyed the childhoods of so many purists.
Kirk/Spock: MOM !!!
KIRK:"BEST...
VIEWSCREEN...
EVER."
SPOCK:"Logically...none are better."
Nero: "Welcome, I'm Doctor Nero and this is the orientation film for station 1 of the NARADA Intiative. Station 1, or The Bridge, is a soon-to-be fiery deathhole. Within this fiery deathhole, you will find your deaths. On behalf of myself, my weapons officer, and all of us at the NARADA Initiative, thank you."
RANDOM CADET:"Where's the door prizes?
Commander Travers said there'd be door prizes!!!!"
Vulcan Instructor offscreen " Congragulations! You have all passed your Security Officer course and today at three oclock you will be issued your Red Shirts. Live long and prosper!"
Nero: "And here on Nero's World its extreme close up time ,Woooohooohaaaarrrhhh exellent!!"
XINDI-REPTILLIAN CADET:"Whew.
For once...a graduation ceremony where MY people don't get shit on at least once."
NERO:"Do...the DEW, Kirk!!!!"
SPOCK:"Inquiry..."
"We never get any days off.
I'm getting sick of the constant classes."
TWENTY MINUTES LATER...
"HOORAY!!!!!!
Temporal Incursion Day!!! See you guys in the new timeline!!!"
"Alright. Who farted?"
"Hello...this is your Verizon Wireless Suspace Support Center.
I'm Chad Nero. Can I help you?"
"Alright. Who farted?"
Uncontrollable Diarrhea McCoy (thinking): It wasn't a fart.
"They hired Admiral Cooleddie to speak?!
GREAT. There goes what's left of our collective dignity."
Nero: Unfortunately no one can be told what the Abrams Trek canon is you have to see it for yourself.
Badass Captain Robau: Some of you may not come back from this mission. On second though I'm pretty sure none of you are coming back from this.
Kirk: Mr. Spock, prepare to fire the Canon Cannon!
Nero: My Canon Cannon is bigger than yours... FIRE!
Kirk: HA! I have a quantum Canon Cannon so mine trumps yours! Checkov frag his ass.
NERO: ...but that's not the real reason I traveled back in time.
KIRK: Do tell.
NERO: I came for the chili -- that famous Starfleet chili I've heard so much about.
SPOCK: (puzzled, looking to Kirk) ... chili?
KIRK: (sotto voce) It's... it's a long story. You'd better ask Scotty.
*voiceover* Cadet Mallory is demonstrating how not to be seen.
Bill: "Heh heh heeeee. J.J. has no idea im up here. What a douche bag."
All Seeing Eye
Admiral
Kirk: Who the hell are you?
Nero: I am Nero.
Kirk: Nero? wasn't Nero an Emperor of Rome on Earth?, and you're Romulan from Romulus right? wasn't Romulus the founder of Rome? this is starting to weird me out.
Spock: I think I can explain.
Kirk: Please do.
Spock: An ancient Vulcan scholar visited Earth before the Romulans left Vulcan and brought back a book from the place you now call Italy, the Romulans took the book with them when they left Vulcan. This is why their planets are called Romulus and Remus, why Romulus has a senate and why this guys name is Nero.
Kirk: Well that explains it. Thankyou Spock.
Nero: Are we finished now?
Kirk: Yes, do continue.
Uhura off screen: There's Nero off the sarboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow. Nero off the sarboard bow, starboard bow Jim.
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