TREK OSCARS
Best Line of Dialogue:
"I have been... and always shall be... your friend.... Live long... and prosper..."
--Spock,
Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan
Tim: I have been... and always shall be... the winner. Jesus Christ, it's like the fucking Yankees. Sure, it was a nice line and all, but c'mon... is that really the best ever? Forever and always? Shit, I just quoted Shania Twain. I need a drink.
biggles And the night suddenly begins its slow descenet into madness.
And bad spelling.
Stuff like this makes me wonder if I should put term limits on certain things... I'd be interested to see what wins if suddenly you can't vote TWOK for best picture.
Tim: TUC, without a doubt.
biggles: Possibly.
Tim: It'd be either that or FC.
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Best Alien Starship:
Klingon Bird of Prey, as seen in every movie between
Star Trek III and
Star Trek Generations
Tim: Hard to argue with the Bird of Prey, especially since, y'know, it's main competition of the
Scimitar came directly from some fanboy's jizz rag.
biggles: The ship doesn't do anything for me at this point. We've seen it so many time, and they don't even do anything to gussy it up.
Tim: Well, I'm not saying it's good modern-day, but [crusty old fart]WHEN THE MOVIE CAME OUT IT WAS A BRILLIANT DESIGN![/fart]
biggles: It's the Ford Taurus of alien ships. When Taurus came out in 1986, it was revolutionary and gorgeous and pushed the boundaries of what we'd seen. Now it's boring and something your grandma drives, but you wouldn't be caught dead in.
Tim: I can't counter that. I can only shriek "BUT THE SCIMITAR SUCKS SO MUCH!"
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Best Federation Starship:
USS
Enterprise (1701 refit and 1701-A), as seen in every film between
Star Trek: The Motion Picture and
Star Trek VI
biggles: No surprise here.
Tim: Can't argue with it, either. Old as shit, but still a stunningly gorgeous design. Much like Julianne Moore.
biggles: Hey! No dissing on Julianne Moore! I hope
you look that good when you're fortysomething.
Or something like that...
Tim: I love me my Julianne Moore. Especially when I break out
Boogie Nights.
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Tim: Actually, I thought
Kirk's Glasses was a tool. Just a complete fuckwad.
Oh, the prop, not the poster...
biggles: It was a good prop, used to good effect. I can't say I blame people for voting for it every time.
Tim: Neither can I. The shot of the broken glasses on the table is money. And as much as I dislike TVH, the pawn shop scene is a nice gag.
biggles: I just want to know where Kirk was keeping them the whole time. I thought that the uniforms didn't have pockets.
Tim: Actually, I think they do have pockets, underneath the belt. I think the area underneath the belt operates like a fleece pullover.
biggles: On the jacket?
Tim: Yeah.
biggles: I'll have to look again.
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Best Original Score:
Jerry Goldsmith,
Star Trek: The Motion Picture
Tim: I will maintain to my dying day that both the orchestration and the added theme of "The Mountain" propel TFF above TMP.
biggles: I think you might be the only one.
I do think you're right about the orchestration, though. I like that sort of "wooshy" feel it has at the beginning. The fact that Goldsmith continued to use it for his end credits to FC, INS, and NEM would seem to back you up.
Tim: It's a little bit more robust in TFF, too.
And, honestly, as much as I adore "Ilia's Theme," "The Mountain" is one of the finest
Trek cues ever composed.
biggles: I was watching TMP this morning, and I know exactly what you're talking about... at the end, the orchestra sounds really thin.
Tim: It really does. It may simply be a symptom of the recording methods used, but at the end of the day, I'd rather listen to the TFF version of the suite.
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Best Villain:
The Borg Queen,
Star Trek: First Contact
biggles: Moving on to Best Makeup...
Tim: You skipped villain, I think.
biggles: Oh, fuck, yeah. A while ago, actually.
Well, we all know who it is.
Tim: "Fish in a barrel" seems like such a terrible understatement.
biggles: This whole thing is fish in a barrel.
Tim: Don't remind me. You'll send me spiraling back to Jim Beam.
biggles: What are you on now?
Tim: Glass of water.
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Best Makeup:
Michael Westmore,
Star Trek: First Contact
biggles: So back to Best Makeup
Tim: Can't argue with that. Westmore really did a fine job, which is more than I can say for his forehead-of-the-week jobs on
Voyager. Really conveyed the ultimate fucked-up-ocity of the Borg.
biggles: I don't really have anything I can add to that.
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Best Visual Effects:
Industrial Light & Magic,
Star Trek: First Contact
Tim: C'mon.
Enterprise flyby. What the fuck?
biggles: OMGWTFBBQ!!! Yes! Finally a movie that isn't NEM won it!
Tim: Gotta give you that. I'll see your BBW and add an LOLZ and WTF and a ROFLCOPTER.
Er, BBQ.
Fuck.
biggles: 
LOLZ?
Tim: It's what I came up with.
biggles: It works.
Tim: Sort of like GEN's effects. They worked.
biggles: Maybe by 2010 we'll have them conditioned to vote TMP for best effects.
Tim: By 2010, if I'm still modding a
Trek message board, please take me out to a shed and shoot me. Repeatedly.
biggles: You, me, and Spiff. Mexican standoff.
Tim: IT'S ON LIKE
RESERVOIR DOGS, FEMALE DOGES!
biggles: Yeah, what he said.
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Best Costume Design:
Deborah Everton,
Star Trek: First Contact
Tim: Given the other three nominees, I find it hard to argue. FC's attire seemed appropriate to the 20-whateverth century ... unlike the vinyl overload of TUC, the blah of TWOK and the fucking WEIRD-ASS PINK THING they put on Chekov in TSFS.
biggles: Yeah, that nomination surprised me. Sulu with his leather cape-jacket (which we got a better look at in TVH), and Chekov's "Russian" outfit.
Maybe if the Russians came over on the Mayflower...
Tim: It's like the Russians mated with ABBA.
In Soviet Russia, SUPERTROOPER fucks YOU.
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Best Art Direction:
Herman Zimmerman,
Star Trek: First Contact
biggles: Production Design, before you say "WHAT ART? WHAT ART??"
Tim: You have an uncanny knack for predicting my twitches. Modding alongside me for two years must have been like marriage.
Speaking of which, I have uncanny penis envy for the FC Warp Core. Or maybe I need another drink.
biggles: Why, you wish your penis was huge, throbbing, and glowed blue in the dark?
Tim: What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
biggles: Indeed.
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Best Cinematography:
Richard H. Kline,
Star Trek: The Motion Picture
biggles: Oooh, another shocker... Best Original Score
Yeah, stupid copy and paste...
Best Cinematography.
Tim: I can't buy this. You have to try, and I mean try really fucking hard, to light your actors that badly, in the case of TMP. Holy shitbags.
biggles: And that damned split diopter lens just annoys the fuck out of me.
Tim: The fact that Andy Laszlo wasn't even nominated and that John Alonzo didn't win leads me to presume that Karl Rove is involved here. I declare shenanigans.
biggles: I was wondering when you'd bitch about Andy Laszlo's non-nomination.
Tim: It was coming. You stopped jerking too soon.
*rimshot*
biggles: Yeah, let's just not even go there.
Tim: But it would make
BlackDog read the thread...
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Best Screenplay:
Jack B. Sowards,
Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan
biggles: No arguments here.
And of course, a reminder to the folks at home that Nick Meyer was
really the guy who made it all possible, they just didn't have time to play games with the Writer's Guild to get his name in the credits.
Here's an interesting bit of trivia... all the Best Screenplay nominees were written by more than one person (if you pencil in Meyer's name next to Sowards). All the Worst Screenplay nominees had only a single credited writer.
Tim: I had never thought of it that way.
biggles: I didn't either until now.
Tim: You have brought me to a new level of consciousness. I have reached Nerdvana.
biggles: Ah, all in good time, grasshopper.
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Best Actress:
Alice Krige (The Borg Queen),
Star Trek: First Contact
Tim: Considering that Krige gave a fairly one-dimensional character a good degree of depth, I can't really argue.
Besides, she was better than Robin Curtis.
Then again, so is Denise Richards.
biggles: Hell, Persis Khambatta was better than Robin Curtis.
Tim: And she was hotter (when she had hair, anyway... and was slightly less dead).
biggles: Yeah, that's definitely true.
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Best Actor:
Patrick Stewart (Capt. Jean-Luc Picard),
Star Trek: First Contact
Tim: It's like giving an award to Al Pacino for
The Godfather, Part III. Given how over-the-top Stewart was playing everything, I would not have been shocked to see him bellowing, "I COMMAND THIS STARSHIP, RIGHT OR WRONG!"
biggles: "Our true enemy has... not yet revealed itself..."
Tim: "WARP ENGINES! HARMLESS NOISE!"
biggles: "YOU DECEITFUL OLD FUCK! DATA, YOU FUCK!"
Tim: Shit. You just gave slash fans a whole new barrage of ammo.
biggles: Oops. See, I never exercise good judgment when I'm tired.
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Best Director:
Nicholas Meyer,
Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan
Tim: I'll give it to Meyer for two reasons. One, he turned
Star Trek II into a coherent script. Two, he gave us the brilliant ending of
Star Trek VI, and as much as I dislike the movie, the very final scene is classic.
Besides, Bob Wise did nothing to convert Shatner from wooden 2x4.
biggles: Meyer's about as good as Trek is ever going to get, because without someone taking it on as a pet project (like Abrams), Trek will never rate an A-list director. Or at least not one who's in his prime. We'll get someone in the twilight of his years like Wise, even though he was a great director.
Tim: Can't argue with that one bit.
biggles: By '78, Wise's best work was 15 years or more in the past...
The Sound of Music, West Side Story, The Day the Earth Stood Still, Run Silent, Run Deep...
Tim: My old man still holds
Run Silent, Run Deep as his favorite movie of all time.
biggles: It's a classic. Still holds up today.
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Best Motion Picture:
Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan
Tim: It's still the movie I watch when I need a
Trek fix. Hard to get simpler than that.
At the end of the day, it brings it all together: questionable science, occasionally wooden acting, and a cheesy villain. To imagine TOS any other way is to look at it through the ruby-quartz glasses of Cyclops.
biggles: You're Absolutely Right (TM). It took the best elements of TOS and remided us just why we all fell in love with the show in the first place.
