TOS Caption Contest #98 - A Game Boy

[Outpost4]

McCoy: It's an automatic circumcision device.
Kirk: So if I stick something in here....
McCoy: Don't! I couldn't stop Scotty in time.

 

[The Squire of Gothos]

Kirk; What is this? Monochrome screen, no back light, four button control?
McCoy; It does come with a free game, some sort of brick puzzle.
Kirk; Brick puzzle? Have Scotty beam them all over to the Klingon ship.

 

[Shatmandu]

McCoy, tense: "We didn't drive all this way to the Grand Canyon for you to sit and play that Gameboy all day."
Kirk: "Not a Gameboy. Nintendo DS."
McCoy, now pissed: "Don't you nitpick me! You're not your mother! You don't get to pick and pick and pick until I just want to kill something! NO, YOU DON'T!"

Kirk: "Hmm. Where'd he get the gerbil from in the first place?"
McCoy: "He breeds them."
Kirk: "Not in his ass, though, right?"
McCoy: "..."
Kirk: "No way."
McCoy, pointing to screen: "See the wheel?"

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "Not now, Bones; I'm trying to save someone money on plane and hotel reservations."

Helen Noel and Charlene Masters wonder how long it would take anyone to notice that they shoved Lieutenant Quagmire out an airlock.


Back at C4:

Carl Spock: "Whoa! There ain't nothing coverin' the front, either!"

Cloud Festus: "Why hello there!"

 

[Shatmandu]

Back at C4:

Picard: "I'd give that Crewman Quagmire a run for his money."
Carl: "I'd give you money just to leave."

 

[Rat Boy]

Lieutenant Quagmire: "So, you two are roommates, huh? Can I go where no man has gone before with one of you? Giggitty, giggity, giggity!"

 

[Shatmandu]

Lieutenant Shatmandu: "Hi. I can't look over here without thinking of the hallowed Eddie Money and his revered song 'Two Tickets to Paradise.'"

 

[Rat Boy]

Cloud Festus: "No, no! Only a chief may order off of the dessert menu!"

Cloud William: "I am a chief!"

Cloud Festus: "Oh, right."

Grignak: "Ha, ha; assjack."

Diamond Jim: "This neighborhood really has gone to hell and back."

 

[Shatmandu]

Charlene: "No, I respect myself more than to allow a bony, pastey little shit like you to worship at my temple, you cracka-assed cracka."
Other woman: "DAY-um!"

 

[Rat Boy]

Back at the C4:

Diamond Jim: "Jeeze, what's his problem? He's shooting at random people a lot lately."

Carl Spock: "Poor bastard caught his wife in bed with Barney the Testicles."

 

[Shatmandu]

Charlene: "You're a real natural-born lover-man, huh?"
Lt. Chad: "Yuh-huh."
Charlene: "We heard about you getting caught with the Captain's red workout tights under your pillow."
Lt. Chad straightens, turns, and leaves.

 

[Shatmandu]

Charlene: "You tell Daddy Carl I gets him his money. Scotty's back from leave tonight."

Diamond Jim, furious: "You deliberately stopped me! I could have saved her! Do you know what you just did?"
Carl: "Bitch owed me money."

And this is why Shatmandu is a Caption Contest institution.

But 'A-Pimp-Joke-Only-A-Trek-Fan-Would-Get' is a very specialized field.

Joe, bells on

 

[Rat Boy]

Diamond Jim, furious: "You deliberately stopped me! I could have saved her! Do you know what you just did?"
Carl: "Bitch owed me money."

And this is why Shatmandu is a Caption Contest institution.

But 'A-Pimp-Joke-Only-A-Trek-Fan-Would-Get' is a very specialized field.

Joe, bells on

Don't I know it...

Kirk: "McCoy? What could he have done in the past to change the present?"

Spock: "Clearly he must have intervened at some point in the 1970s. Jim, the disco era must die."

 

[highlander]

Lt. McLovin: "Instead of sitting here playing connect four, how about the three of us go back to my cabin and make a few "connections" of our own"

 

[highlander]

Kirk: "Damn it Bones you were right."
Bones: "I told you Jim, he looks just like you."
Kirk: "And you say his name is T.J. Hooker."
Bones: "Yep"
Kirk: "My God what's wrong with his hair?"
Bones: "It's a toupee Jim, I dare say it's almost as nice as your's."
Kirk: "Fuck you Bones! You know I'm pretty!"

 

[Outpost4]

Diamond Jim: Carl, the Klingon's want their jalepeños!

 

[Rat Boy]

McCoy: "The ratings are down again. What are we going to do?"

Kirk: "The only thing we can do. Bring back Helen Noel, Marlena Moreau, and Droxine and parade them around naked!"

 

[M'Sharak]

"Ben, you're wearing a red shirt. Don't you think you'd better go
see what the Red Alert is about?"
"Naaah, no need - I rigged it. I just think it's hilarious watching
everyone else in Security haul ass to duty stations."

 

[Nerys Myk]

CARL: Screw this undercover BS! Lets just cap their ugly asses and split!

DJ: Sorry about the 'fro, man.

 

[Nerys Myk]

Meanwhile at the "Regal Beagle"...
LT. TRIPPER: Nah, I just pretend to be gay so I can share my quarters with two women.