TOS Caption Contest #50: A Question . . .

[cooleddie74]

"Dear Carol...

Sorry about the rash. Hope you heal. Don't scratch too much, or you'll need clitoral reconstruction surgery...write back soon...smack that little brat for me..."

 

[Shatmandu]

cooleddie74 said:

SPOCK:"I propose we access the Guardian to travel back to the year 1981 and force Paris Hilton's father to wear a condom."

Kirk: "Strangling her in her crib got shot down, huh?"

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "Note to self: get Scotty's DNA to send back to Carol's attorneys."

 

[The Squire of Gothos]

There are in fact only three universes in existence, our Universe, the Mirror Mirror Universe and the Universe of Funk.

 

[Shatmandu]

Spock: "The one in the purple offered to 'turn me out.' Please explain."

Spock: "Captain, the location of this 'Funkytown' they speak of is shrouded in myth, but the ship's computers may be able to help."

 

[Rat Boy]

In a Mirror, Funky.

 

[Shatmandu]

Carl: "You cats hang on a second: I gots to send a pair of my ladies to Alexander the Great's place for his thirty-third birthday bash, you dig?"
Spock: "Better make it his thirty-second."
Kirk, hissing: "Don't help them!"


(Historically-accurate pimp jokes. Only on the Trek BBS.)

 

[NathanielM]

<The day The enterprise crew are unable to translate Jive.>

Diamond Jim: Yo slim that is one bad ass outfit... Woo!

Carl: Pimp those boots baby!

Spock: I do not believe he is accurately describing our uniforms.

Kirk: Analysis Spock, Can you translate Jive?

Spock: I believe I can on my Tricorder...

Carl: Shieeet these honkies aren't no bad ass mofo and no comprehende baby..

Diamond: Shieet (Golly) yer right Carl...

 

[NathanielM]

Kirk: <thinking as he scribbles> One Potato, Two Potato, Three Potato, Four...

 

[Shatmandu]

Spock: "Captain, my Vulcan hearing just picked up a vocal signal between the two humanoids."
Kirk: "And?"
Spock: "What does 'go upside dey heads' mean?"

 

[NathanielM]

Kirk: <hums the TJ hooker Theme Song as he sits in the Command chair and thinking> "Don't forget to call 9-11 in case of a red alert..."

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk, saying aloud the words as he writes them: "Dear Commander ... Starbase 11. I formally apologize ... for our ship ... nearly hitting The Lexington. Our helmsman ... is Asian. Kirk, commanding, Enterprise."

<cut to>

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "Am I the only one who thinks that shirt makes you look gay?"

Diamond Jim: "What you saying? Carl, yo mama bought me this shirt."

Carl: "You talkin' about my mama, jive turkey?"

 

[Shatmandu]

< "I Will Survive" plays loudly >

Spock: "No, Captain, I will not dance with them again: they each touched my genitals and said they could 'get double' for me."

Kirk: "Is it the Mirror Universe?"
Spock: "No, it's the Coke-Mirror Universe."

 

[scottydog]

Shatner: Here, Gene, this is how it should go:

Beyond
The rim of the star-light
My love
Is wand'ring in star-flight
I know
He'll find in star-clustered reaches
Love,
Strange love a star woman teaches.
Great sex,
With aliens with three breasties,
Orgasms,
Tribbles on my testes....

 

[tharpdevenport]

 

[M'Sharak]

Shatmandu said:

Kirk, saying aloud the words as he writes them: "Dear Commander ... Starbase 11. I formally apologize ... for our ship ... nearly hitting The Lexington. Our helmsman ... is Asian. Kirk, commanding, Enterprise."

<cut to>

M', used to live in San Francisco

 

[cooleddie74]

"To Admiral Fitzpatrick...Starfleet Headquarters...Stardate 2825.6...

Need new helmsman. Current occupant of position gaying it up too much as of late."

[/QUOTE]

"Bitch."

 

[cooleddie74]

GUARDIAN:"I am the beginning...and the ending. I have existed since before your Sun burned hot in space...and before the 'wet-head' look went dead and Elvis got all fat..."

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "McCoy? What could he have done in the past to change the present?"

Spock: "Clearly he must have intervened at some point in the 1970s. Jim, the disco era must die."