TOS Caption Contest #50: A Question . . .

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "So, you're a highly-intelligent computer, eh?"
Guardian: "I am much more than ..."
Kirk: "Your Prime Directive must have been to preserve life, but, in looking around here, you must have destroyed it."
Guardian: "No. I am a time portal, designed to ..."
Kirk: "Destroy yourself! Fulfill your Prime Directive!"
Guardian: "I am a time portal, designed to ..."
Kirk: "Fulfill your Prime Directive!"

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Kirk: "I said, find a urinal, not an arsenal"

 

[Locutus of Board]

 

[The Squire of Gothos]

Guardian: "You may ask three questions"
Spock: "Captain we must ask it-?"
Kirk: "Are you a time portal?"
Guardian: "Yes."
Kirk: "Are you sure?"
Guardian: "Yes."
Kirk: "Really?"
Guardian: "Yes."
Kirk: "Wow."
Spock: "Captain wait, Guardian, I must ask-"
Guardian: "Thank you, come again."
Spock: "Bu-!"
Guardian: "Thank you, come again."

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk signs the form, denying Sulu's request to wear cut-off shorts and a belly shirt as his bridge uniform.

Shatner, thinking: "Man, I'm glad I won't have to be doing this shit for the rest of my life . . ."

 

[MGagen]

"I am the Guardian of Scratchy, Old, Black & White, Public-domain Film Clips..."

 

[Shatmandu]

Guardian: "Pay no attention to the Teamster with the hotdog behind the curtain ..."

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "Are you machine, or being?"

Guardian: "I am both; and neither. I am my own beginning, my own ending."

Spock: "Wait a minute; that doesn't make any sense."

Guardian: "I answer as simply as your level of understanding makes possible."

Spock: "Bullshit. You're lying to us."

Guardian: "Uh...here's some Roman porn. Enjoy."

Spock: "Are you going to sit here and let him jerk us around?"

Kirk: "Yes, yes I am."

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "Are you machine or being?"

Guardian: "I am a transgendered, environmentally-conscious, vegan native of this planet! And I will not BE LABELED by you, you white, WASPy, planet-raping colonial asshole!!!!"

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "Spock, did you order a case of nipple pasties?"

 

[M'Sharak]

Shatmandu: Be careful. If you don't watch out, NathanielM might try to put words in your mouth.

Sulu: Nuclear wessels.


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Edit:

Locutus: That's another keyboard.

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "We've got to find McCoy!"
Spock: "Do we realy need to go to all the trouble? Looks like a decent planet. Could just let the Doctor settle down here. Leave a case or two of Hot Pockets; enough to get him through the first winter ..."

 

[galleywest]

The Guardian of Forever wakes up with a splitting headache to find his room trashed and two weirdos in pajamas hanging out. He decides that this the last time he invites those Fraternity of Afterthought guys over for a party. He means it this time.

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk *thinking*: I hate it when I have to do a captain's log on a day when nothing happens.

 

[cooleddie74]

"How do you spell 'A' ?"

 

[Outpost4]

risk is our unfortunate duty

No, no, no.

risk is our challenge

Better.

risk is our biggest problem we face each day

That doesn't even make sense...

risk is our hell to pay

Fuck. I give up. I'm taking a break. Maybe I'll go breath heavily into Rand's communicator.

 

[Outpost4]

Spock: Strange, Captain.

Kirk: What is it, Spock?

Spock: Normally the clitoris is not over there.

 

[cooleddie74]

"Fascinating, Captain.

I'm not getting any readings of a functioning G-spot."

 

[Outpost4]

Spock: What does it mean, jackpot?

 

[Rat Boy]

Spock: "What is with the human capacity to compare every object to a part of the anatomy?"

Kirk: "Hey, just because the only time you got any action was when you were hopped on spores doesn't mean you should ruin everyone else's fun."