TOS Caption Contest #50: A Question . . .

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "How's your mother?"
Spock: "Fine. Why do you ask?"
Kirk: "Not sure. Huh. Anyway, what is this thing?"

Kirk: "Is there an 'h' in 'enema?'"
Entire Bridge crew: ". . ."
Kirk: "At the end, I mean: 'E-N-E-M-A-H.' 'Enemahhhh.' There's an 'ahhh'-sound at the end, correct?"
Sulu: "If you do it right . . ."

 

[Outpost4]

^

You're the sickest man in this forum and that's saying a lot.

Congratulations. Keep it up.

 

[Gertch]

Outpost4 said:

Kirk: Damn, I never leave enough room for the nacelles.

That's awesome and so true!

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "Is it a machine, or a living being?"
Guardian: "I am both ... And neither ... I am my own beginning... My own ending ..."
Spock: [archly] "I see no reason for answers to be couched in riddles."
Guardian: "Then perhaps you should go talk to one of the other amazing time portals you have at your disposal. Good day, gentlemen. [turns self off]"

 

[Noname Given]

Guardian: "Since before your sun burned hot in space and before your race was born, I have awaited a question..."

Kirk: "Can you display images at 1080p?"

Kirk (Thinking): "I can't believe it. By signing this I just saved a ton of credits by switching to Geico."

 

[Gertch]

Noname Given said:

Guardian: "Since before your sun burned hot in space and before your race was born, I have awaited a question..."

Kirk: "Can you display images at 1080p?"

Guardian: "No. But my modem is being upgraded to 19.2 on Tuesday."
Kirk: "Good luck with that."

 

[Outpost4]

Kirk: Guardian of Forever? You must be kidding. I've seen more impressive light displays at the grand opening of a Denny's.

 

[Shatmandu]

Guardian: "Since before your sun burned hot in space and before your race was born, I have awaited a question ..."
Kirk: "Okay, here's one: why do you sound just like Trelane's father, Provider #1 with the quatloos, the newscaster on that Nazi planet, the announcer on the Roman planet, and that rock creature who created the fake Lincoln?"
Guardian: "Uh, I'm sorry. I'm not programmed to respond in that area."
Kirk: "Heh. Spock, he's all yours."

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "Dear Starfleet: I apologize for getting drunk and convincing the ship's computer to commit suicide. But it started it. Kirk, commanding, Enterprise."[/b]

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "Hey, wait a minute. Didn't that guy look like MacGuyver?"

Spock: "And why did he call you T.J.?"

 

[Woulfe]

Kirk : NOW, that's a large onion ring !

Spock : Indeed.

Dear Starfleet, thanks for the large onion ring, it was nummy.

 

[scottydog]

Guardian: "Since before your sun burned hot in space and before your race was born, I have awaited a question ..."
Kirk: "How pissed is Harlan Ellison going to get about this episode?"
Guardian: "Gene will take it up the ass for this one."
Kirk: "Damn. I hoping to do that to Edith Keeler later in this episode."

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk (thinking): We live in the goddamn 23rd Century and we still have to play Dungeons & Dragons with pen and paper.

 

[cooleddie74]

KIRK:"That reminds me.

I need to see McCoy for my regular proctology examination."

"Dear Starfleet Medical...

Dr. Leonard H. McCoy needs lessons in etiquette and bedside manners during routine proctological examinations of male crew members..."

 

[Shatmandu]

Guardian: "Since before your sun burned hot in space and before your race was born, I have awaited a question ..."
Kirk: "Which of my crew is homosexual?"
Guardian: "... A legitimate question. I have awaited a legitimate question."
Kirk: "Does Uhura think Scotty is cuter than Chekov?"
Guardian: "... An historical question, perhaps."
Kirk: "Feh. Let's get the hell out of here."

<run credits>

Kirk, thinking: "Keep your legs crossed. Keep them crossssssed. Hide the erection. HIDE IT! No one must know . . ."

 

[Rat Boy]

Guardian: "Since before your sun burned hot in space and before your race was born, I have awaited a question ..."

Kirk: "Who wins the next season of Dancing with the Stars?"

Guardian: "...a question not related to television..."

Kirk: "What about the Desperate Housewives?"

Guardian: "...I said not related to television..."

Kirk: "Uh...will Scott Baio ever find true love?"

Guardian: "I...uh, look, can I talk with the Vulcan, please?"

Kirk: "Sure, I guess. Go ahead, Spock."

Guardian: "As I was saying...Since before your sun burned hot in space and before your race was born, I have awaited a question ..."

 

[Jamee999]

Kirk: Oooh, solitaire.
Uhura: Ten on Jack!
Spock: Nine on Ten!
Chekov: Eight on Nine!
Sulu: Ace to the top!
Scotty: Seven on Eight!
Kirk: I can play solitaire by myself, thank you.

...
...
...
...
...

Kirk: Damn it!

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk, writing: "Star Fleet Command: As of yet, Dr. McCoy is unable to determine the cause of my <pauses> rather personal injuries . . ."
Sulu, whispering: "I'm sooooo sorry."
Kirk, hissing: "Stop apologizing."

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "'Guardian of Forever?' Shit, more like 'The Guardian of For-never.' Haw-haw!"
Spock: "Ooooh, burn!"
Guardian: "For this, I waited eons?"

 

[Shatmandu]

Outpost4 said:

Kirk: You'd think a Guardian of Forever would live in a nicer neighborhood.

Funnier than any poopy or wee-wee joke I've ever done.

Case in point:

Kirk: "Now, what would a two-headed penis look like . . ."


Joe, bowing