Contest: ENTER TOS Caption Contest #304: The Caption Trap

[LeadHead]

Happy 50th Birthday Star Trek!

First up to the plate, we have the "Be careful about Neuropressure.." Award, going to Smellincoffee for:

Uhura wasn't expecting the Vulcan Neck Massage to be quite so...intense.


Next, we have the "Not many fish left in the sea" Award, going to Mr. Laser Beam for:

Computer: Not even if I was the last computer in the universe, "dear".


Next, we have the "Is that the Penney's over Macho Grande, sir?" Award, going to Tenacity

Kirk: The 1960's, revolution, protest and the potential for nuclear war at any moment.

Sulu: Look, there's a sale at Penney's.


Next, we have the "Logically Limber" Award, goiing to Noname Given for:

Mr. Spock: "My mother never told me she had a explicit sex scene with my father, Sarek in 'Vulcan Love Slave'. If she's as limber as she appears here, it's quite logical he married her."



Next, we have the "Hope he doesn't also have to get out and push" Award, going to Laura Cynthia Chambers for:

Time: End of shift

Kirk (Offscreen): "Phew! I'm beat. Ever have one of those days when it feels like you're the only one keeping the ship from coming apart at the seams, Scotty?"

Scott: "ERGH! Funny you should ask, sir..."

The Tribbles have chosen! The award goes to Nerys Myk for:

KIRK: Good evening, Enterprise. This is Jimmy the K on the air to help you through the third shift blues.

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

In honor of today being the 50th Anniversary of the very first episode aired of Star Trek, I'm bringing "The Man Trap" to this contest.

Live Long and Prosper.

 

[LeadHead]

Spock: It is confirmed Captain. This episode is now 50 years old.

Uhura: What is it that you're so interested in, Mister Spock?

Spock: That is no concern of yours, Lieutenant. Mister Sulu, we are moving out of range of the Pokemon gym. 30 degrees to port and slow to one quarter impulse.

McCoy: (reading prescription label) You need to be less cranky. Take 2-3 Jelly Belly's per day before going on duty. Signed, James T. Kirk.

McCoy: Has that viewer always been there?

Sulu: Cleanup in Corridor 3.

 

[Nerys Myk]

I'm watching the episode right now!

 

[Tim Thomason]

Horrifyingly, Yeoman Rand forgot to put on her pants that day. Luckily, the look caught on.

 

[Nerys Myk]

SPOCK: Sorry, Captain. The Library Computer show no record of a 50th anniversary special by CBS or Paramount.

SPOCK(writing): I think Nyota "likes me likes me". She asked me to comment on her looks....
UHURA: Can I take that for you Mr Spock?
SPOCK: No..I...uh....you'd better answer that hail

MCOY: The last Red Hots on the ship and they're all mine!!!!

SULU: Who'd they design these for? The Harlem Globetrotters?

 

[Bry_Sinclair]

Kirk: What is it, Spock?
Spock: Unknown at present, Captain.
Kirk: Surely you must have some idea.
Spock: Without further data I cannot broach a hypothesis, and don't call me Shirley.

Uhura: Spock, why do you never talk about how you feel?
Spock: Because I am half-Vulcan, raised in the traditional Vulcan manner and was trained from childhood to control and suppress my emotions.
Uhura: That's what I thought, imagine if I couldn't have figured that out for myself?
Spock: Logically, you'd need to return to the Academy to retake basic cultural studies.

Chief Medical Officer's log, supplemental. I've carried out an inventory of the drug store and found that there is only one bottle of max-strength STI antibiotics. Jim'll have to try and keep it in his pants until we can get to the nearest starbase.

McCoy: What happened? He just stopped talking.
Kirk: Looks like the monitor froze. Kirk to technical support.
Tech (os): Good morning, this is technical support. I'm Ranji, how can I help you today?

Suddenly, Yeoman Rand realised she'd overdone the fake tan on her legs.

 

[Hutchy01]

Spock: It is a momentous occasion in our history to see this.
Kirk: And It's Star Trek's 50th as well!

 

[Nebusj]

Spock: ``At current rates we will grow too tall even to lean comfortably over our instrument panels in ... 186,254 days.''
Kirk: ``Well, maybe we can work on the salt vampire problem first after all.''

Uhura: ``Should you be writing your fanfic on the bridge?''
Spock: ``Should you be peeking at my work if you don't want the alien jerkface race named after you?''

McCoy: ``These are the most impractically tiny Christmas tree baubles ever.''

Kirk: ``Yes, put Sulu up on the one screen facing directly away from me. That's what I wanted. This ship, sometimes ... ''

Rand: ``All over the floor, it's ... bits of tape?''
Sulu: ``Someone must be staging a complicated, talky scene out here. I'll alert security and the assistant director.''

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

KIRK: *grumble*
SULU: "What's with him?"
MCCOY: "Oh, don't mind the captain, Hikaru. He's been a bear ever since Admiral Bergstrom took his TV privileges away..."
KIRK: *grumble mumble*
MCCOY: "Come on, Jim, don't be such a - TOUCHDOWN! YES!"
KIRK: "Touchdown? Who's playing? What's happening, Bones?"
MCCOY: *sigh*

 

[JonnyQuest037]

SPOCK: We've scanned the entire sector, Captain. Still no sign of who took the readout screens from above my station.

"Dear Miss Uhura... It was most satisfactory sitting next to you on the bridge this year. Have a logical summer. Your colleague, Spock."

"You take the blue pill, the story ends. You wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes."

The debut of Late Night with Hikaru Sulu left something to be desired.

SULU: ...Does this intercom seem high to you? It's not just me, right? There is NO reason for it to be so high. I've got to wear Beatle boots just to reach this thing, for crying out loud.

 

[jep]

McCoy: "What the blazes? Where did you get that?"

Kirk: "That's not important, doctor. What IS important is that as long as you give me a pass on my physical, no one will ever see this. Deal?"

McCoy: "(Sigh) Deal."

.

 

[Triskelion]

Kirk: What is the nebula composed of, Spock?
Spock: Blue stuff.
Kirk: More blue stuff, Spock? Like all the other ships, rocks and planets we've passed?
Spock: I didn't design the cosmos, Captain. I just report it.

Spock: "Live long and suck eggs, Spock".
Uhura: Do I look like a fifteen-year-old nerd to you, calculator-head?

Bones: Wait a minute...if these are the acting pills, what did I give Jim?

Kirk: Change the channel.

Sulu to bridge. The Yeomen are catching on to the peekaboo com placements. That is all.

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Chief medical officer's log, Valentine's Day, supplemental: I need to be more proactive in my labeling practices. Nurse Chapel briefly mistook the B'eklod ambassador for cinnamon hearts.

UHURA: "How's the drawing coming along, Mr. Spock?"
SPOCK: "Lieutenant, if you wish me to reproduce an accurate likeness of your facial features, you would do well not to move or interrupt me in any way."
UHURA: "Can I just see it?"
SPOCK: "What did I just say?"

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

"Personal log, Janice Rand: Starfleet Command has a hideous taste in carpeting."

 

[tharpdevenport]

Janice: "I don't get it -- no matter how many times I bend over and even jiggle it, ensign Sulu won't check me out. Perhaps I need to change angles..."

 

[Timewalker]

JANICE: Sulu, there are words down there, and they're exactly the ones I'm saying! Whoever you are, stop it! I said stop it!! STOP IT!!!"

SULU: Dr. McCoy, you'd better get down here. Janice is seeing things again.

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

JANICE: Sulu, there are words down there, and they're exactly the ones I'm saying! Whoever you are, stop it! I said stop it!! STOP IT!!!"

SULU: Dr. McCoy, you'd better get down here. Janice is seeing things again.

MCCOY (OS): "Sounds like a case of teleprompter psychosis. Better have security meet me there; this could get ugly..."

 

[Nerys Myk]

RAND: Wha...wha...what's happening???? This floor is just painted plywood!!
SULU: And this comm is just a flashing light and plastic!

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Spock: "This is interesting."
Kirk: "Really?"
Spock: "I'd go as far as saying that it's fascinating."
Kirk: "What is it?"
Spock: "I'd even go as far as saying this is beyond anything I have ever experienced."
Kirk: "Spock! You're killing me here. What is it?"
Spock: "I believe... that I have just thrown my back out. The pain is quite... excruciating. A call to Doctor McCoy would be in order."

Uhura: "It's not for me, it's for my grandmother. She's a big fan of your child-rearing books."

McCoy: "If these are the jelly beans, then the laxatives must be..."
Intercom: "Kirk to McCoy, medical emergency on the bridge. And bring a mop..."

Kirk thinking: "If I'm the Captain, why do I always get the seat with the worst viewing angle?"

Sulu: "Sulu to security. Scotty's passed out again with a bottle of scotch. Deck 4, Section 6. You also better send some medics. Rand is going to need emergency psychotherapy to unsee this."

 

[Triskelion]

Spock: Readings: argon and -
Kirk: Readings are gone?
Spock: No, the noble gases argon - and selenium.
Kirk: What noble gases? I guess we'll be seeing them?
Spock: Providing an ideal environment for growing biogenic silicon crystals and heavy metals favored by the Klingons as alloys for their edged weapons.
Kirk: Come again?
Spock: Horta Eggs and baakonite.
Kirk: Well why didn't you just say so, Spock?

Spock: What's this?
Uhura: A petition for the medical staff to undergo anger management and racial sensitivity classes.
Spock: Signed, "Commander Spock, the green-blooded hobgoblin."

If one pill lasts four hours...and the threesome starts at eight o'clock...carry the two....

Kirk: Boy, Japanese game shows are weird.
Bones: That's Sulu reciting navigational equations.
Kirk: Sheesh, I guess I can stop waiting for the T&A.

Sulu: Bridge, Yeoman Rand forgot her calculator and is doing Viagara math in her head.
Rand: Tell them to send down the Vulcan! I've got a plethora of variables!