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TOS Caption Contest #287: Diversions

LeadHead

Director of Comedy
Premium Member
Hello everyone! New Contest!


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First up to the plate, we have the "Desilu" Award, going to:

TOS18a.jpg

Kirk: You got some 'splainin' to doooo!
Lucille Ball, OS: No. CUT.

Next, we have the "SHOCKING!" Award, going to:

TOS18b.jpg

Kirk: Look, Spock, I understand the difficulty you're having with this whole Pon Farr thing, but this search history is shocking even by outer space standards.

Next, we have the "Big Spender" Award, going to:

TOS18c.jpg


Chapel: You maxed out your new credit card on Botany eBay, didn't you.
Spock: Khaaaaaaaaaaan!

Next, we have the "Species identification" Award, going to:

TOS18d.jpg


Kirk: Seriously, Bones, I can't tell these guys apart from Romulans. Someone should, I don't know, glue something distinctive to the Romulan foreheads or something.

Next, we have the "Translation issues" Award, going to:

TOS18e.jpg


Kirk: "Spock! Quickly! How do I say 'manipulative little viper bitch' in Vulcan?"

Another AMAZING lot of photoshops, managed to get the finalists down to just two, but couldn't choose, so they're both winners!!


And...

SpocksNumberOneGirl_zps3e18af66.jpg


CHAPEL: You bastard! You said I wasn't your type!


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Kirk: Look, Spock, I know you're upset, but the phrase "Blue Screen of Death" isn't meant to be taken literally.

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

And now, something different, we've been doing one episode per contest for awhile now, this contest I'm mixing it up!


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TOS19b.jpg


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Enjoy!
 
TOS19a.jpg


McCoy: You're drunk. Again.

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Spock: Your mission is to meet with Ambassador Methane and establish diplomatic relations. And remember, no matter what, the Ambassador did NOT dealt it.

TOS19c.jpg


Redshirt: No, no! Let me go, I have to warn them about the Hippies episode!

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Kirk: That's tricky stuff. Do it, this should be fun to watch!


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Kirk: These panels are useless, why do we have them here?!
 
TOS19e.jpg


SHATNER: How about that one?

NICHOLS: Okay, you got me. I lied. I haven't worked out an elaborate correlation between the buttons and what's on the screen. I just randomly push buttons.

TOS19a.jpg


MCCOY: This avocado nail polish will go great with your outfit
 
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MCCOY: What did you say the planet surface is like? Are you sure these will work?

SPOCK: 80 degrees celsius, hydrogen cyanide atmosphere, sulphuric acid rain, and yes, they will work.

MCCOY: I don't know, Spock...

SPOCK: What color are you wearing?

MCCOY: Damn you, you're right again, you green-blooded hobgoblin...

SPOCK: However, your beamout must be delayed, we are still waiting on one more for the landing party...

TOS19c.jpg
 
TFTW LeadHead! Woo hoo!
TOS19a.jpg


Bones: Ok, it's only 90% velour.
Kirk: I thought my mojo was 10% off today.


TOS19b.jpg


Spock: Although missions to this planet have resulted in a 66.7% mortality rate, I'm sure that you have nothing to worry about, Ensign Lenny and Ensign Squiggy.


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Scotty: This Jeffries tube is exit only lads! Exit only!


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Mudd: Well, Doctor? You made Kirk's pheremone into "Bottled Velour" cologne, what scent have you made for me?
Bones: "Bottled Gay Pirate."
Mudd: Oh no he di'in't! <diva snap>
Sulu <os>: Mm! Mm? Mm.


TOS19e.jpg


Kirk: There! You see that? The "There's something out on the nacelle" light just blinked!
Uhura: I didn't see anything, captain.
 
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KIRK: Do you know what that light means?

UHURU: Of course, Captain. It means that the secondary comm transtator is in diagnostic mode.

KIRK: No. It's the light indicating how awesome I am. The one next to it means it's time for the Captain to get lucky...

UHURU: Mr. Spock!?
 
TFTW, LeadHead!

TOS19d.jpg


Kirk: "It's called tri-viagra, Harry. Lasts for six hours minimum. Just the thing for a planet like this, I'd say."


TOS19e.jpg


Kirk: "That light's not blinking! Does that mean something bad?!"
Uhura (thinking): "God, I wish he'd switch back to decaf!"
 
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Chief Medical Officer's Log: It was a routine day. Inventories, nurse evaluation…nothing unusual. I'm off to have a drink with Jim.
 
TOS19e.jpg


Uhura: Sir, these lights keep blinking out of sequence.

Kirk: I see...

Uhura: What shall we do about it, sir?

Kirk: Get them to blink IN sequence.
 
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"Alright, Jim. You asked me what device is used for a Colonoscopy, remember? Well ... here it is! It's not fully-extended, of course. It'll do that, once it's inserted. But don't worry, we'll use plenty of lube. So, let's get this over with, then. Drop your pants and bend over ..."
 
TOS19a.jpg

BONES: You cheat on your diet, Jim!

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KIRK: The SS Krispy Kreme!!! Lieutenant Uhura, hail her!
UHURA: Doctor McCoy said no, sir.
 
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Uhura: "It's alright as long as it stays orange."
Kirk: "But it's yellow now."
Uhura: "Still orange."
Kirk: "Now it's black."
Uhura: "That's the new orange."

TOS19a.jpg


The occasional appearance of a boom mike was going to happen, but the sound guys obsession with recording perfect dialog was getting out of hand.

:)
 
TOS19a.jpg


KIRK: What do you have for a headache?
BONES: Try these. Little. Yellow. Different.


TOS19b.jpg


SPOCK: Okay, okay. I'll take a damned shower.


TOS19c.jpg


BONES: Bring him back here! If we have to sit through Spock's poetry slam, so does he!


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MUDD: Five hundred?!
BONES: Or would you rather I just "put you down" right now?
MUDD: Don't tempt me!


TOS19e.jpg


KIRK: You've got our time slot set to Fridays at 10 p.m., Lieutenant!
UHURA: Is that bad?
 
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MCCOY: "What are you looking at? Don't you look at me, f**k!"

SPOCK: (sigh) Yes doctor, we've all seen Blue Velvet. Can we proceed with the beam down now?
 
Thanks for the win. :)

TOS19b.jpg

Spock: Are these precautions really necessary, doctor?
McCoy: You've never been around this woman's perfume, have you?

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Mudd: Get away from me! What is this, some game of pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey?
McCoy: You said it, jackass.

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Kirk: Quickly, lieutenant, turn that one clockwise twice and move it over to the right, then straight down!
Chekov, OS: I told her I could help, it is after all a Russian inwention!
 
TOS19e.jpg


KIRK: That's it!

UHURA: I don't think tracking down an old girlfriend's location is the best use of Starfleet resources.
 
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