TOS Caption Contest #282: Love Connection

[LeadHead]

And now, we shall bring forth winners of a caption contest!

First up to the plate, we have the "Identified Flying Object" Award, going to:

Kirk: Look! An Amazon Drone! Phasers on heavy stun, fire at will.

Next, we have the "Difficult Diagnosis" Award, going to:

McCoy: "He's drunk, Jim"

Next, we have the "Leslie Nielsen" Award, going to:

Spock: Mr. Kyle, please explain when our navigation system will be back on line.

Kyle: I can't tell, sir.

Spock: You can tell me, I'm the first officer.

Kyle: No, I mean I'm just not sure.

Spock: Can't you take a guess?

Kyle: Hmm...Well, not for another two hours.

Spock: You can't take a guess for another two hours?

Next, we have the "Credentials Evaluation" Award, going to:

BONES: Jim, McGivers with Khan, Palamas with Apollo, I begin to doubt it's a good idea to recruit humanities graduates.

Next, we have the "Repair procedure" award, going to:

Spock: Speed is essential, Lieutenant.

Uhura: If it isn't done just right, I could blow the entire communications system.

(pause)

Spock: Did you remember to disconnect the power to your station before you began?

Our Photoshop award, goes to:

SPOCK: Now that you've been transferred to security, your life insurance premiums are going to go up. We will adjust your pay accordingly.

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

And now, our Valentines (or Singles Awareness Day)Themed contest!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Kirkthinking) I really hope she doesn't turn out to be a homicidal maniac.

Scotty: I'm so in love with her that I finally changed the laws of physics!

Kirk: (over comm) ...And so in conclusion Mister Spock, I really think that Ms. Kalomi is very attracted to me. What do you think?

Chekov: I'm glad we could find the time to sneak away together, since the Enterprise is slowly being pulled into the atmosphere of this planet.

Natira: Wait, you're only marrying me because you're going to die?

 

[Nerys Myk]

"Hey Nineteen" by Steely Dan begins playing in the background.

KALOMI: Hold on while I post this selfie to Spacebook

NATIRA: A headache? That's my line!

SCOTTY: See, I told you, the cryochambers we jacked from the Botany Bay would come in handy!

CHEKOV: You know the Russian saying "Red sky at night, sailors delight"?

LANDON: Do you know the American saying "Keep it in your pants or I'll cut it off?

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Lenore: "Alright, if you insist. I'll go change into something that smells a little less like musk."

Scotty: "Aye, she's a bonnie lass, alright! She's even consented to lettin' me put her into suspended animation to accommodate my necrophilia fetish! See? Ye never know unless ye ask!"

Spock: "Yes, Spocky-wocky wuvs his widdle ooche-woochie coochie-coo! Yes, him does... Wait! Are you broadcasting this over the ship's comm system?!!"

Landon: "Have you given any thought at all to what would happen if the captain were to come along and catch us in flagrante delicto?"
Chekov: "I'm twenty-two years old! I don't think anywhere near that far ahead!"

McCoy: "No, this is wrong! I should be trying to save my friends' lives! Not in here consorting with you!"
Natira: "When was the last time you saved your friends' lives?"
McCoy: "Oh...a few weeks ago."
Natire: "And when was the last time you had sex?"
McCoy: "...You make a very good point."

 

[Armored Saint]

LANDON: Pav, are you high?
CHEKOV: If I'm high? Of course I'm high? All those Cossacks captionners vill me vrite me as a LaForge, not as a Kirk.

SPOCK: OUCH! MY NOSE!

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Leila: Oh, Spock, what's the worst that could happen? It's not like the NSA would be eavesdropping on my iPhone...oh, wait...

Natira: Leonard, I'm sorry I almost poked your eye out. I should have told you that all women on Yonada wear steel tipped bras.

 

[CorporalCaptain]

TFTW, LeadHead!

Natira: Don't worry, Leonard, it happens to a lot of men the first time.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

McCoy: "I'm sorry, Natira, but I just can't. That little Orion girl on Wrigley's Pleasure Planet has ruined me for all other women."

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Natira: The Oracle likes to watch.

Landon: Pavel, what's this "Russian inwention" that you want to introduce me to?

Lenore: I know what you're thinking, Jim. There's only one way to find out!

 

[CorporalCaptain]

Kirk: Scotty, you old space dog. I didn't know you saved Sargon's android blueprints!

Scotty: It's a one of a kind. And you wouldna believe who helped me with the programming. It was Palamas. She volunteered. Someone named Areel convinced her it was for the good of the service.

Kirk: Wait, Areel?

 

[Armored Saint]

Thanks for the win

NATIRA: Awww...Leonard, I'm so sorry...I swear I will no more try to talk with you about the fact you didn't see your daughter for a while...neither about the fact they found a cure two days after you pulled the plug on your father...

 

[Jonas Grumby]

McCoy: "I'm sorry, Natira, I just can't. I'm afraid of entering into another relationship. My ex-wife divorced me and took everything except my bones. That's why they call me 'Bones.'"
Natira: "I thought it was short for 'sawbones.'"
McCoy: "Bah! Kids today don't have any idea what a 'sawbones' is."

 

[Armored Saint]

LANDON: Pavel, who were the last yeoman and navigator to have been sent alone on a strange planet?
CHEKOV: Janice Rand and Kewin Riley, vhy are you asking that?

 

[T'Girl]

Chekov: "I ding we should make wove.
Landon: "Pavel, give me one reason why?"
Chekov: "Vcouse, you are vearing red, dis is a wanding party, and you vill be dead by morning.
Landon: "I say one reason."

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Landon: "Looks like we're stranded on this uninhabited, Eden-like planet forever, Pavel. That being the case, I've never much liked the name 'Martha.' Call me by my middle name, 'Eve.'"
Chekov: "Alright, and you can call me by my middle name, 'Adamovitch.' 'Adam' for short."

Lieutenant Leslie wakes from his dream and starts frantically scribbling notes for his next fanfic.

McCoy: "I'm sorry, Natira, I just can't. Tonya Barrows and I are going steady."

Kirk (frowning): "Hey, is that real fur?"
Lenore: "Yes. It's dyed tribble fur."
Kirk (smiles): "Ah! Not an endangered species then!"

 

[Triskelion]

Kirk: If you need me I'll be up here with the coxswain.
Lenore: The guy who blows the whistle?
Kirk: No, that's the boatswain.
Lenore: Oh, the guy who steers the ship.
Kirk: No, that's a helmsman.
Lenore: Oh, the one who lades the cargo.
Kirk: Now that one is a stevedore.
Lenore: Not the steersman, then.
Kirk: Actually, that's the coxswain.
Lenore: Oh here we go again!
Kirk: I'll stick any complaints into my duty log.
Lenore: That's what my last captain said before he disembarked his seamen.
Coxswain: I thank you.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Lenore: "I'm so glad you like this dress! My father hates it! He doesn't like me wearing anything that requires double-sided sticky-tape."

 

[Sir Rhosis]

Nimoy: Uh, did you say Bronson, uh... Ted Bronson?*

Ireland: Charles.

Nimoy: Oh, boy.

*With a nod to RAH.

 

[Smellincoffee]

Scotty: Look, Jim! The ship can synthesize WOMEN!

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Scotty: Look, Jim! The ship can synthesize THE WOMEN!

Fixed that for ya.