TOS Caption Contest #274: The Caption Incident

[LeadHead]

Hello Everyone, LeadHead continues on his quest to catch up with his caption contest duties and also is talking about himself in the third person.

First up to the plate, we have the "So true" Award, going to:

Bela: "Hey! That's the canon!"
Kirk: "Of course this is canon. We're on screen right now..."
Bela: "No, the canon! That's it right there."
Kirk: "This is it? You mean everything we've ever done or will ever on screen is right here in this book?"
Bela: "Yeah, and you can never contradict it! Not ever! The fans would go crazy!"

Next, we have the "High Stakes" Award, going to:

Kalo: "Awright, the ante is one hat. You in?"

Next, we have the "Not great at everything" Award, going to:

SPOCK: Johnson has hit the ball with the bat and it has been propelled over the right field fence. Currently he has run from first base to second and is approaching third.

MCCOY: You really suck as this.

Next, we have the "Okay, but why are you wearing that outfit?" Award, going to:

Kirk: "I admit it, Bones, you were right! Having a Ready Room is the bee's knees!"

Next, we have the "Ouch!" Award, going to:

KIRK: Ayyyyyy!
BONES: Up your nose with a rubber hose.
KIRK: Wrong show, Bones.

Our Photoshop Award, goes to:

Shatner: "Afta dis ep, dat Emmy is in da bag!"

Spock: Weeheeheehee dee heeheeheehee weeoh aweem away...

Bones: A-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh....

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

Sorry for the delays, my life has become less hectic, allowing me more time to do things like caption contests!

Hey, that was fun!

Lets go again!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Scotty: Any word on whether Admiral Archer's beagle rematerialized?

Tal: Captain Kirk. Where are you? Hello?

Romulan Commander: What's his condition?

McCoy: Well...

Denny Crane: Denny Crane.

Spock: Fascinating. I did not know that Transporters could do that.

Spock: Captain, please do not take this the wrong way, but change your ears back or I will use the REAL Vulcan Death Grip on you.

 

[CorporalCaptain]

T'Bonz: Will he recover from all the flames he got? Over twenty thousand in fifteen minutes must be a board record.

A mod: Hard to say. Even if he does, I doubt he'll stop bringing up nuTrek in every thread he posts in.

Shatner: Len.... the traitor.

T'Bonz: High profile celebrities are good PR; even washed up has-beens. Let him know that I've been merciless with the banhammer, and tell him an old friend of his has joined, and is coming online in a few minutes.

Leonard: No. I really don't think they'll cast you in Star Trek III.

 

[Crazy Eddie]

Scotty: "Lieutenant, aren't you supposed to be fluent in Romulan?"
Uhura: "I was, ten years ago. Since then my job has been reduced to randomly pushing the unlabeled buttons on this incomprehensible control panel so that Captain Kirk doesn't notice M5 is still running the ship."
Scotty: "Oh. Wait... M5 is still run--"
Uhura: "Shhhh!"

Tal: I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!
Kirk: Is there someone else we can talk to?
Tal: No. Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time!

Kirk: "You saw her, Bones? That Romulan Commander? Don't you wanna just run your tongue all up and down those thighs of hers until she squeals like a little pointy eared school girl?"
Bones: "Dude, totally. I just wanna spread her like a wishbone and gAWWW CRAP!"

Commander: "Although, before the surgery, my name used to be Nero."
Spock: "Doesn't ring a bell."

Spock: "Captain, for the record, I find your choice halloween costumes deeply offensive."
Kirk: "Why? It's just a warewolf costume."
Spock: "Oh... then... never mind."

 

[Maurice]

SCOTTY: Well?
UHURA: I've just received restraining orders for you from Mira Romain, Carolyn Palamas, and the entire female population of Argelius II.

TAL: Okay, who's the mouth breather behind the viewer?

COMMANDER WHAT'SHERNAME: What's the prognosis, Doctor?
BONES: From the looks of that minidress, Spock's gonna get some tonight.
COMMANDER WHAT'SHERNAME: The prognosis of the Captain, Doctor!

SPOCK: My family name is unpronounceable, yours is...eww.

SPOCK: I can't believe your ears.

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: Why didn't I get the bowl cut?

SPOCK: It's not the 24th Century.

 

[FormerLurker]

Romulan Commander(whispering): Sweet nothings.
Spock: What?
Romulan Commander: You said you wanted me to whisper sweet nothings in your ear.
Spock: That wasn't exactly what I had in mind.

 

[BoredShipCapt'n]

Thanks for the win!

McCoy: "Well, according to this, he's Brad Pitt."

New evolution chart surprisingly shows humans as an intermediate stage between Vulcans and Romulans.

Scotty: "So, when are you free?"
Uhura: "Why don't you get my appointment book? It's behind that door marked 'airlock'."

Kirk: "WELL!"
Spock: "Captain, no one imitates Jack Benny anymore. And he was not a Vulcan."

"Do you know you're drinking from a paper clip holder?"

 

[Gary7]

Scotty: "It's ear wax alright and a mighty lot of it too."
Uhura: "So that's why it won't stay in?"
Scotty: "Aye..."
Uhura: "Is there anything you can do about it?"
Scotty: "Lieutenant, I may be a miracle worker but this is something you can easily do yourself. Ever heard of a Q-tip?!"

Tal: "Your attempt to hide from me has failed. Your viewer cameras capture the pointed ends as well."
Spock: "I told you."
Kirk: "Damned!"

McCoy: "He's suffering from severe sexual anxiety. I strongly recommend you opt for something less thigh revealing and dispense with those high boots--one of his major turn-ons."
Commander: "Really? Intriguing. I'll be sure to put on something more comfortable then. Spock, you're with me."

* Spock and the commander leave *

McCoy: "Jim, you're really sure about this?"
Kirk: "Bones, Spock hasn't gotten any in a very long while and I know him--he'll never figure out the zipper system on those thick twill uniforms."

Commander: (whispering) "Tell me Spock, when are you going to make the move already?"

Kirk: "So it's not just the fingers, but the ears as well?"
Spock: "Something you'll never truly experience."

 

[Gary7]

Spock: "They do say that imitation is the greatest form of flattery, but in this case captain..."
Kirk: "What, they're not big enough?"
Spock: "Precisely."

 

[Jonas Grumby]

TFTW, LeadHead!

Scotty: "I dreamed last night that I had bought a boat! And you were lounging on the deck in a teeny-weeny bikini!"
Uhura: "Come back when you've got the boat. Then maybe we'll talk."

Tal: "You can't interfere with us, Captain, just because you think our customs are barbaric and cruel. IDIC, remember?"
Kirk: "IDIC? Are you referring to that banal, pop-psychology slogan Roddenberry came up with to help his wife's mail order company sell trinkets?"
Spock: "And made me wear said trinket on the show as free advertising? Let's blast his ass, Captain!"

McCoy: "No, he is not 'stupefied' by your legs! We have short uniforms on our ship, too!"

Romulan Commander: "How would you like to... (*whispers in ear*)"
Spock: "Well, I would like to, but I am not sure it is physically possible."
Romulan Commander: "We could turn off the gravity."
Spock: "That would help."

Shatner: "Say, Leonard, did Fred Phillips seem kind of...distracted to you this morning in the makeup room?"

 

[Trek Sifter]

Romulan: You ever get the feeling that someone is watching you?

Spock: Don't look now, but there is a mysterious figure looming behind your red hurricane fence.

McCoy: Quick, I need some stain remover for his elbow-pits!

Spock: Captain, according to my calculations, in 3 hours, 7 minutes, and 2 seconds, your transformation into my likeness will be complete, if allowed to progress. Doctor McCoy is continuing to try to find a cure for this cloning virus.

Kirk: He better. I can't live with this kind of eyebrow maintenance the rest of my life.

 

[Nerys Myk]

SPOCK: Why are you made up to look like Eddie Munster?

TAL: Your fly is open.

 

[Kirby]

Uhura: Can I help you Mr. Scott?
Scotty: Um, no. I'm just... enjoying the view...

Spock: Again, Captain. Pick just one side of the view screen to look at.

McCoy: That's strange, you walked into the room Commander and all the blood drained from his head.

Romulan Commander: I crocheted my entire uniform.

 

[BoredShipCapt'n]

TAL: Your fly is open.

SPOCK: This is normal for the Captain. He finds that it saves time.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Romulan Commander (whispering): "We have to be very quiet! My parents are asleep in the next room!"

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Charvanek: Why yes, Mr. Spock, I did know you were bifurcated. Which makes what I'm about to tell you, extra special!

 

[Nerys Myk]

COMMANDER: Can you get me Kirk's phone number?

 

[Triskelion]

TFTTCA Leadhead!

Scotty: Three cheeseburgers.
Uhura: Three cheeseburgers.
Scotty: Three large fries.
Uhura: Three large fries.
Scotty: And a McFish.
Uhura: And a McFish...There's no such thing as a McFish, Commander Scott.
Scotty: Then it's not my way, is it lass?

Romulan: Microsoft support, this is Steve.
Kirk: Bloody hell.

Subcommander Tal: Have you administered the rufilin yet, Doctor? I wish to employ my sexual svengalism now.
McCoy: It should be taking effect any oygnblik <passes out>.

Spock: Your tongue is logical.

Spock: Permission to have this procedure performed on Lieutenant Uhura, Captain?
Kirk: Denied.

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: It's my Mom. Spock, quick tell her I'm not here.

SPOCK: It's a two way transmission, she can see you.