TOS Caption Contest #273: A Piece of the Caption

[LeadHead]

Hello everyone! Once again, I thank you for your patience with my delays recently. Lets get back up to speed!

First up to the plate, we have the "Too close for comfort" Award, going to:

Spock: "Who bugged my quarters?! I demand to know."
Uhura: "Um, Sir..."
Spock: "How dare they listen in and then transcribe our intimate moments together!"
Uhura: "Mr Spock!"
Spock: "How dare they spread the vicious, but accurate rumour, that making love to you is like riding a bucking bronco!"
Uhura: "SIR! This is a transmission from a planet 34 light years away."
Spock: "Oh. Well. Yes, of course it is. Carry on Lieutenant."

Next, we have the "But is it fatal?" Award, going to:

Bones: Three frames a minute. Just as I thought. They've gone anime.

Next, we have the "Internal monologue" Award, going to:

Trelane (to self): "It's a good thing she doesn't know where my mouth has been."

Uhura (to self): "It's a good thing he doesn't know where my hand has been."

Yeoman (to self): "I wish I wasn't psychic."

Next, we have the "Embracing Technicality" Award, going to:

KIRK: Party? That's a croc!
SPOCK: I believe it's an alligator.

Next, we have the "If anybody needed to win one in a contest on this particular episode, it's him" Award, going to:

Trelane: "This is a script from the third season, you really should quit now."

Our Photoshop Award, goes to:

Kirk: "Would you mind telling us why you've bothered to collect obscure mementos from our previous missions? First the salt vampire, then the over sized rabbit from our last shore leave. What's next?"
Trelane: "How about a taste of what's to come?" (pointing over the fire place)

Kirk (os): "Let me read it, what does it say?"

Trelane: "I'm afraid Captain, you'll have to vote it into law, to find out what it says."

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congrats to our winners!

Hopefully this will return to being an every other week contest now that things have calmed down. No promises, but I'll do my best.

 

[LeadHead]

Kirk: Was the ship that dropped this off the USS Barnes and Noble?

Kirk: Maybe I'll call it Fizzbin.

Spock: Keep working on it, Captain.

Spock: This is DJ Spock coming at you with the smooth jazz rhythms of KIOTA 96.6.

Kirk: Great office, Krako. Now get out.

Kirk: Whose got two thumbs and is feeling great? This guy!

 

[Maurice]

Thanks for the win!

BELA: That's THE book!
KIRK: Chicago Mobs of the Twenties?
SPOCK: Naw, the addresses of all my Molls!

BONES: I've never seen a place with so much porn!
KIRK: XXX means booze, Bones.
SPOCK: Even better.

SPOCK: Fortunately, I studied at the Sinatra school of cool.

KIRK: If yous implies I's wearin' lifts again, I'll have Spocko turn a heater on yaz.

KIRK: Ayyyyyy!
BONES: Up your nose with a rubber hose.
KIRK: Wrong show, Bones.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Oxmyx: "Whaddya mean ya don't know what it is! It's a first edition of 'Who's Who on Sigma Iotia'! I'm in it!"

Kirk: "You know...you spend your whole life hearing stories about the fabulous casinos on Wrigley's Pleasure Planet, and now that we're finally here... Oh well, I guess no place could really live up to that kind of hype."

McCoy (sighs): "No, Jim, no sign of any turkey neck yet."
Kirk: "Thanks, Bones. Want me to check you?"
McCoy: "No."

 

[BoredShipCapt'n]

Bela: "What's all this 'weeeooooooo' stuff? It sounds like this: BANG! Haven't you played cops and robbers before?"

Spock: "Aaaaa-aahhhhhhhhh... bitter dregs."

(offscreen) *Gonggggggggggggg!*

Kalo: "Awright, the ante is one hat. You in?"

Kirk: "You dirty rat!"

Statue: *facepalm*

Shatner: "Sure I look like Redford. The chin, De, look at the chin."

 

[CorporalCaptain]

Okmyx: This? This is a first edition series bible! I paid a fortune for this thing!

Spock: I take it, then, that we are no longer in the mood to teach them 'strip poker'?

Kirk: No. I'll have to think of something else....

 

[Nerys Myk]

SPOCK: All I'm saying is that we could walk right out of here. They aren't the most attentive of guards.

KIRK: I've got a better plan.

SPOCK: Better than walking out?

MCCOY: Quiet, Spock. Lets hear him out.

 

[Dale Sams]

"As God is my witness, I thought sehlats could fly."

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Spock: "I am sorry, Mr. Gordon. I appreciate that your friends Ms. Arden and Dr. Zarkov are in grave danger as captives of this Emperor Ming, but our Prime Directive clearly states..."

 

[EnsignHarper]

Spock: Doctor...what exactly is meant by the term...'Baba Booey'?

 

[Gary7]

Thanks for the PS win, LeadHead.

Bela: "Hey Kirk, pull my finger."
Kirk: "You've... GOT to be kidding me."

Kirk: "Bones... you've gotta do something about this receding hairline."
McCoy: "Well oddly enough, it's the 23rd century and hair replacement technology still doesn't cut it. But you can bet your bottom dollar I'll be able to craft a wonderful little rug for you."

Kirk: "What do you mean you can't fix it? We've got to do something. This boredom is killing me."
Spock: "Captain, I thoroughly enjoy being both your first officer and science officer, but attempting to fix an arcane pinball machine is out of the question."

Spock: "It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents — except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is on Sigma Iotia that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness."
McCoy: "Very eloquent, Mr. Spock."
Spock: "Why, thank you Dr. McCoy."
McCoy: "You do realize that the microphone isn't turned on, right?"

Shatner: "Afta dis ep, dat Emmy is in da bag!"

 

[The Old Mixer]

"I don't care how you say your ship works...on this planet, Franz Joseph's word is law!"

McCoy: "Oh damn, he's been reading Tolkien again...."

"Sit on it, Bonesy!"

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Kirk: "I admit it, Bones, you were right! Having a Ready Room is the bee's knees!"

 

[The Old Mixer]

Kirk: "What if I tried distracting them by singing something by Elton John?"
Spock and McCoy (in unison): "NO!!!"

 

[Nerys Myk]

SPOCK: Johnson has hit the ball with the bat and it has been propelled over the right field fence. Currently he has run from first base to second and is approaching third.

MCCOY: You really suck as this.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

^

 

[Gil T.Azell]

Thanks for the win!

..

KIRK: Ayyyyyy!
BONES: Up your nose with a rubber hose.
KIRK: Wrong show, Bones.

▲ Dam it I was thinking both those, lol, good luck

KIRK: "You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the hell else are you talkin' to? You talkin' to me? Well I'm the only one here. Who the (Beep) do you think you're talking to?"

BONES: (thinking) Oh shit he thinks hes De Niro again.

 

[Nerys Myk]

MCCOY: I'm a surgeon. I didn't go to medical school to trim nose hair.

 

[Crazy Eddie]

Bela: "Hey! That's the canon!"
Kirk: "Of course this is canon. We're on screen right now..."
Bela: "No, the canon! That's it right there."
Kirk: "This is it? You mean everything we've ever done or will ever on screen is right here in this book?"
Bela: "Yeah, and you can never contradict it! Not ever! The fans would go crazy!"

"Ladies and gentlemen, your attention please. I. AM NOT. SPOCK."

KIRK: "I got an idea. I'll go over and mention to those guys that my wife is a Bajoran Seamstress on Deneva, and while they're going crazy, you two grab your communicators and...
SPOCK: "Inadvisable, Captain. Those fans are well armed, and such a gross canon violation would only enrage them further."

Chekov? Chekov's got a good heart, but he's weak and stupid and this is life and death.

Bones, do you know what "nemesis" means? A righteous infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent. Personified in this case by a horrible cunt... me.

 

[Kirby]

This? No, we came up with this book on our own. The Horizon gave 'The Garfield Compendium'. You know, cartoon cat, loves lasagna and hates Mondays... Our society was actually really lame for a while.