TOS Caption Contest #269 The Doomsday Caption

[LeadHead]

Hello Everyone, I'll bet that some of you have been wondering why this contest has been sitting still for the last few months. I've recently spoken with MANT! who has some issues going on at the moment, making it impossible to regularly maintain the contest. With his permission, I'll be serving as the Substitute for awhile.

So, at long last, lets get down to business!

First up to the plate, we have the "Reasons to Party" Award, going to:

KIRK: Let's party like it's General Order 24 day.

Next, we have the "So THAT's how he gets all the ladies!" Award, going to:

Kirk: What can I tell you, Rojan? Chicks dig starships...

Next, we have the "Good Question!" Award, going to:

Sulu: Is that you or did I drink too much space Nyquil this morning?

Next, we have the "They are quite dangerous..." Award, going to:

McCoy: Goddamn plot holes!

Our Photoshop Award, goes to:

KIRK: To answer your questions: Yes and no, you can't join us.

Kirk: What are you doing down there?

Sulu: Well Captain, we haven’t actually seen any of the massive elephant-like creatures, but something tells me we're on the right track.

Many thanks to everyone who participated and congratulations to our winners!

I don't know how long I'll be running this, my agreement with MANT! is that as soon as he is able, this will be his ship once again. And with my already busy schedule, I can't really make definite predictions about how often the contest will start/end. We'll just have to see how it goes...

And now, to kick things off, I wanted to take some images from one of my all time favorite Trek Adventures and bring "The Doomsday Machine" back to the Caption contest!

Lets get started!

Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Spock: Impressive.

Kirk: Let me see...

Spock: Captain, I do not believe that you will find Dark Matter Nebula's as interesting as I do.

Spock: (over comm) I must take another call, Captain. I hope you enjoy our hold music.

Sulu: We can't change the channel, Mister Spock!

Palmer: Just turn it off! Jay Leno's voice just gets so painful to listen to after awhile!

Scotty: Press this one, thirty seconds later...

Kirk: Poof?

Scotty: No, dinner.

Scotty: Tell me again, how does fixing this one conduit every week fix everything?

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Kirk: "Talk about disappointing! When you said that you watched blue movies during shift, I didn't think you literally meant blue."

Scott: "Aye sir, the medic is standing by if your hip slips off the edge of the console again. You may place your call."

Decker: "Goddamn plomeek burritos!"
Redskirt: "So loud!"

Scott: "Do you see?"
Kirk: "I only see your finger."
Scott: "What the finger is pointing at, tribblebrain!"

Scott mumbling: "Helluva way to get a suntan!"

 

[Isis]

LeadHead, thanks for subbing, and MANT!, hope things calm down.

Scotty: "Aye, Captain, you look great with that phone, especially when you flip it open, but think of all the great apps you could get with a smartphone."

Scotty: "These consoles are very sensitive. I realize ye want to be on 'Dancing in the Stars,' but can't ye use something else as your warm-up barre?"

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Spock: "If you must know, it's a personal video T'Pring sent me. And, no, you cannot see it!"

Voice from communicator: "You have reached the USS Enterprise! If you wish to request a beamout, press '1.' If you wish to record a log entry, press '2.' If you wish to check your recorded messages, press '3.' If you wish to speak with an actual officer..."

Sulu: "We're being pulled inside! We haven't enough power to break free!"
Spock: "Impact in twelve seconds!"
Decker: "Where the hell is that Scotch bottle?"

Scotty: "You see these buttons? These are my buttons! If you absolutely cannot keep your fingers off of the buttons, then go find your own damned buttons!"

 

[Ssosmcin]

This one is an epic...

Spock: "I'm afraid someone has indeed posted the nude party pictures of you on Spacebook."

Kirk: "Blast it! We have to contain this!"

Kirk: "It's worse than I thought, Spock. Scotty and Washburn have already seen them. Maybe we can keep them from the rest of the crew."

Spock: "Were they as impressed as you assumed they'd be?"

Kirk: "Kirk out."

Unfortunately, it was too late. Never have any two words been as regrettably uttered as "screen on."

Scotty: "They were posted from this workstation, Cap'n."

Kirk: "So someone was able to hack into your computer, eh?"

Scotty: "Uhhh....yeah. Hack."

Kirk: "Scotty, progress report."

Scotty: "It's too late, sir. It's gone viral!"

 

[Triskelion]

^ Ha ha, good one, ssosmcin!

And kudos to you Leadhead! Hope Mant! can come back soon, though the contest is in good hands til then!

Kirk: Planetary readings, Spock?
Spock: It looks like everything else in the galaxy, Captain: a friggin' blue lightbulb.

Kirk to Enterprise, commencing fanny photocopy now. Be prepared to broadcast on all subspace channels. That is all.

Spock: The signal is now interfering with ship's operations. I'm shutting it off.
Sulu: But Beiber's not done singing yet!

Scotty: I'm only going to show you this once more, Captain. The red light means the lavatory is occupied. The green light means you can go in. See that? Red means Occupado! Occupado!

Kirk: Do what now?

Scotty: Bloody hell! Someone's in here! Occupado! Occupado!

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: Hilarious, Spock. You're now the Captain and you're leaving. Now beam us up...

Spock? Spock?

DECKER: Whoa, give a man some warning when you go crop dusting Spock!

KIRK: Status report, Scotty?

SCOTT: It not full of water and I'm not drowning.

KIRK: So, mostly it's for watching porn?

SPOCK: Yep.

 

[T'Girl]

Uhura (os):

"Captain, I left my extra large dildo down there, the one with the suction cup, it's stuck on top of one of the consoles. Can you find it for me?"

 

[TorontoTrekker]

Mr. Kyle, I don't care if you are in the bathtub. Compton's uniform changed colour when we beamed down. I need you to beam a red shirt down immediately!

 

[Maurice]

KIRK: What is it?
Spock: Blue sensor of death.
KIRK: Damned Microsoft.

KIRK: Any idea why the can't maneuver?
SPOCK'S COM VOICE: Have you tried not sitting on the helm controls?

KIRK: See this button?
Scott reaches for it.
KIRK: Don't touch it! It's the history eraser button, you fool!

SCOTTY: Peephole into Uhura's cabin installed, Mister Spock.

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: Damn it, Spock. There're no hot chicks here, there isn't even a party!

 

[T'Girl]

Scotty; "Captain, I've placed the device inside the Robot Queen's vagina. Good God, you could roll a beach ball up this thing.

 

[BoredShipCapt'n]

Spock: "It's my own personal director's cut of Star Trek V. It lasts about ten minutes."

Shatner: "... Damn. Sorry."

Production assistant: "'Kirk to Enterprise!'"

Sulu: "Mr. Spock, is it wise to pipe in Streisand at a time like this?"

Spock: "It helps me think, Lieutenant."

Viewscreen: "People... people who need people..."

Kirk: "Oh.... Well, it doesn't look like any bidet I've ever seen."

Scotty: "Damned compact fluorescents! Now I'm seeing spots."

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Scotty (thinking): "Borgas frat! Ye've sat on me Twinkies!"

 

[Triskelion]

Stop hitting "reply," Captain! You CC'ed shots of your junk again!

 

[T'Girl]

Scotty: "Now pay attention Captain, the sequence is very complex."

Kirk: "The panel has six rocker switches, and one orange button."

Scotty (sigh): "Aye ... push this one and in thirty second the ship blows up."

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: How the hell am I supposed to know who she is? I haven't actually "banged" every alien princess in the Galaxy! It's a myth!!

 

[Triskelion]

Scotty: You know what to do, Ensign.
Blueshirt: Fetch you the Lysol?
Scotty: Aye.

Call me a windbag, will ya? Let's see how the ship likes the new air mix. <Rips one into the environmental controls>.

Kirk: But - I deleted the browser history!
Scotty: Oh, aye - but ya dinnae wipe off the controls.

Kirk: It occurs to me that if we put sensors on the viewscreen, you would be out of a job.

Spock: Interesting. That would free me up to spend more time with the female crew.

Kirk: Carry on, Commander.

 

[Ayelbourne]

Kirk: What's that?
Spock: Blue light.
Kirk: What does it do?
Spock: It shines blue.
Kirk: I see.