TOS Caption Contest #252 Woah there!!

[Orac]

Kirk: "I told you this is my yellow crayon!"

 

[boco]

Kirk: NO, I will not give you my yellow vibrator, it goes too well with my uniform!

 

[T'Girl]

Kirk: "What seems to be the problem here?"

Chekov: "Dr. McCoy has wrapped a piece of piano wire around Mr. Scott's neck."

Scotty: "Mint Jullip's taste like crap I tell you."

McCoy: "Who's the doctor here Jim?"

 

[boco]

Chekov's first attempt of a vulcan nech pinch was only half successful,because Mr. Scott had a bottle of whisky half an hour before the attempt

 

[TrickyDickie]

Kirk: "How many times do I have to tell you....these big crayons are washable, but I have a hell of a time getting your squid ink off the walls!"

 

[TrickyDickie]

Kirk: "I tried to break the news to him as gently as I could, Bones. How is he?"

McCoy: "He's in shock, Jim."

Chekov: "I still can't believe they decided to cancel the screening of 'Braveheart' and schedule 'Jersey Shore' instead."

Scotty: "Ooooh!....Ooooooh!"

 

[Alrik]

Thank for the Win MANT!

Yeoman: "Not in this lifetime, bright eyes."

Gary: "Well nee-ner nee-ner nee-ner to you then."

 

[boco]

MCCOY:He's dead, Jim
Scotty: Huh? But I'm feeling better!

 

[Captain April]

Kirk: Good work Scotty. You dive like an Italian footballer.

 

[CorporalCaptain]

Kirk: What happened?

Chekov: I proved to him that bagpipes vere inwented to Russia.

Kirk: What? How?

Chekov: There's a record of it, right heer in ze Tricorder.

 

[Nerys Myk]

KOENIG: What happened to Jimmy?

SHATNER: Sean Connery was walking by, heard Doohan's Scots accent and decked him!

KOENIG: Was it really that bad?

KELLEY: I dunno, Walter. But Baryshnikov is visiting the set next week.

KOENIG: Боже мой!

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Mitchell: "Hey, Smith, look at this! Spock taught me that 'live long and prosper' hand sign! He taught me something called the Vulcan Boob Meld, too! Wanna give it a try?"
Smith: "Gettin' lamer by the minute, Mitchell."

 

[boco]

I read something a guy name Tucker wrote about neuropressure..Wanna try it with me?it's good for stress..
No.. you're the reason for my stress, after you'll be gone I'll be fine

 

[Ln X]

Guy: (thinking) Ooh yeah! Let's do the Spocker!

Mccoy: I'm afraid Mr Scotty here has had one too many donuts!
Scotty: Dan't deprave meh of mah doonuhts mahn, aih got to presurve thee timeline an' put on at least ten stone moor of weight!
Kirk: He's right Bones, we can't alter the timeline!
Mccoy: It's going to kill him!
Scotty: But I'll dah 'appy...

Spock: Logic would suggest that you try a task more fit for your abilities Ms Uhura...
Uhura: I'm trying to date the captain.
Spock: Fascinating... The lengths you humans go to impress the opposite sex is remarkable.

 

[Nerys Myk]

SMITH: Touch the hair and you're dead Mitchell. My roommate Janice is the one with the wig.

 

[Isis]

Mitchell (to self): "I wonder why that didn't work. Kirk always gets the chick when he makes farting noises with his hands."

Kirk: "You do realize that if I successfully apply your Lee's Press-on Nails to each and every tentacle, you're so gonna owe me one?"

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Alien: "Jeez, who the hell sewed on your Starfleet delta patch?"
Kirk: "Stop trying to change the subject!"

 

[boco]

Kirk: I 'll take the phaser, Bones, you take his tricorder.And.. Chekov.. you may have his..wig, if you want it

 

[smalltalk66]

"Unnh...yeah. How's my burificated love feel back there, baby?"
"Damnnn--oooohhh! Shit, it feels so good, I gotta write your name down."

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Spock: "And you are certain that Soundblaster Pro offers better audio fidelity than Gravis?"
Uhura: "Why, yes sir. The joystick port offers greater compatibility as well."
Spock: "But given the time it will take to reconfigure the autoexec.bat, and config.sys files, is the tradeoff worth it?"
Uhura: "Why ask me? I'm not the A7 computer specialist who upgraded a 23rd Century starship's mainframe computer with DOS 6.0!"
Spock: "Touche..."