TOS Caption Contest #224: Keeping An Eye On Things

[Rat Boy]

Two flashes mean no, but three flashes means it's time for another caption contest. First, let's guard...

Stay thirsty, my friends...

Pike: ".. -.. --- -. .----. - .- .-.. .-- .- -.-- ... -.. .-. .. -. -
.- -... . . .-. --..-- -... ..- - .-- .... . -. .. -.. --- --..-- .. .-
-. .-. . ..-. . .-. -.. --- ... . --.- ..- .. ..."

Kirk: "What's with Pike? That wasn't one for yes or two for no."

Spock: "Simple Morse Code, Captain. He said that he doesn't always drink beer, but when he does, he prefers Dos Equis."



.

Really? He couldn't have used Morse code like they did in that Futurama episode? Anyway, pronunciation is key...

McCoy: "Calm down Sulu he said Yangs..not wangs."

Logical. Flawlessly logical...

Kirk: Klingon season!
Kang: No, human season!
Kirk: Okay, human season.
Kang: No! Klingon season.

And this is bad how?

Captain: "No matter where she stands, she always manages to point her behind in my direction"

(*Seriously, what is it with that officer in the blue skirt?)

A meeting of the super geniuses...

SPOCK: My client is quite certain who attacked him. The sound was very unique.

Congratulations to the winners. This week, Kirk, Old Kirk, and Scotty take turns minding the store. Enjoy:

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "How many times have I told you to not bring your sunflower seeds to the bridge?"

McCoy (after spitting into the cup): "Sorry."

Chekov: "Is he dead?"

Sulu: "No, when someone dies, they shit their pants..."

*bowels empty*

Sulu: "Now he's dead."

Navigator: "My God, the buttons are starting to crawl!"

Scotty: "Check the language banks and find out what 'a tab of acid' is."

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Uhura: "I don't know why the captain's hair has gone gray and why he's always so tired. And frankly, I resent your implication!"

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Thanks for the win!

Kirk: Bones, put that cup away before we have pages and pages of jokes about that stupid meme, "Two Girls, One Cup."

Chekov: *sniff*
Sulu: *sniff* Oh, god! The smell.
Uhura: I changed the Captain's Depends the last time. It's your turn, Hikaru.

 

[LeadHead]

Kirk: Bones, no drinking on the bridge.

McCoy: Don't drink on the bridge, don't drink while performing surgery, you're a killjoy. You know that?

Kirk: (Talking in his sleep) Destruct Sequence 1, Code: 11A...

Scotty: Negative Sir, I think the action will be down on the planet this episode. The bridge crew is all stand ins.

 

[Hambone]

KIRK: "It's the damndest thing, Bones. I know I left my specimen for my physical this afternoon in the Bridge mini-fridge...and now it's gone."

SPOCK: (Muffled) "Would someone please ask the Captain to get his elbow off the tubolift emergency door button?"

 

[Distorted Humor]

Kirk: "I seen that cup before....two girls and something..

McCoy: "I am a doctor, not a internet meme specialist!"

Sulu: Mmm, Older men, Me Like.

Scotty: I will gain HOW MUCH weight between now and Relics?

 

[jep]

Sulu: "I tried to warn him that Rand would wear him out like an old man trying to eat a two dollar steak..."


.

 

[Nerys Myk]

McCoy waited in vain for the moment he could do a spit take.

 

[jep]

McCoy: "I picked a hell of a day to stop drinking Jack Daniels"


.

 

[jep]

McCoy: "This coffee tastes like stale piss."

Kirk: "That IS stale piss, Bones... haven't you noticed we don't have bathrooms on this tub?"


.

 

[highlander]

Bones: "How 'bout some more coffee Johnny?"
Johnny(off screen): "No thanks!!"

 

[highlander]

Chekov:"Can you imagine how saggy his balls are?"
Sulu: "Done and done."

Hey thanks for the win!!

 

[Diesel Micky Dolenz]

Kirk: "Really, Bones? An appletini?"

Chekov: "Are you writing down what the keptin is saying in his sleep?"

Sulu: "I'm submitting it to that blog, 'Shit My Captain Says.'"

Chekov: "Ah, I prefer 'Klingons of Wal-Mart.'"

Scotty: "You can get us there, lad. You should know this sector like the back of your hand."

Navigator: "Aye, sir!" <wait, was that mole there yesterday?>

 

[Tan Ru]

"Aww geez, Biden has fallen sleep again. You better notify the Prez..."

 

[Diesel Micky Dolenz]

Kirk: "What do you think, Bones? Are the Romulans bluffing?"

McCoy: "Fuck if I know, Jim. I need a refill."

Scotty: "Laddie, have you ever spent time in an Argelian prison?"

 

[cooleddie74]

KIRK: That's not coffee, Bones.

That's the sample you asked for two hours ago.

Hyperaccelerated aging.

Tragic.

But DAMNED adorable.

 

[cooleddie74]

Chief Engineer's Log...Stardate 5780.6...

Captain Kirk and First Officer Spock have just departed in a shuttlecraft on their much-anticipated trip to Fire Island...leaving me in temporary command of the Enterprise.

 

[highlander]

Chekov: "The Keptin has been in dat chair for 18 hours strait, with no potty breaks. How does he do it?"
Sulu: shrugs shoulders "depends."

 

[LeadHead]

Kirk: Klingon Commander, this is Captain Kirk of the Enterprise. We have been sent here to resolve this issue calmly and ammicably-

McCoy: (Drunk) Quit being jerks or we'll blow ya up!

Sulu: We really need to get him a Ready Room so he can nap out of sight of everyone.

Scotty: No, Captain. I won't do it unless you actually say it in an episode.

Kirk: (over comm) Fine. Beam me up Scotty.