TOS Caption Contest #221: Worst Comes To Worse

[Rat Boy]

What's hiding in that darkened closet? Why it's a new caption contest, so let's kick it off by burying the spear...er...hatchet with...

There's no business like "show" business...

SPOCK: Once around the pole and she calls it a "show"? That's it...Yeoman Mears has got to go.

GAETANO: She dropped my dollar.

On the other hand if Gaetano was a bit more generous with his tips...er, where was I? Anyway, could've seen this one coming a mile away...

McCoy: What's this?
Mudd: The closet I came out of.

What happens when you have a TOS situation handled by the TNG crew...

Kirk: "My God! The Ambassador is...dead. We'll have to...launch an investigation immediately...to determine the cause of death!"

Elaan: "There's a knife in his back."

Kirk: "True but...appearances can be...deceiving. We have to be sure..."

Elaan: "I'm pretty sure I shoved that thing straight into his back."

Kirk: "Yes, of course, but...you may be mistaken. We'll need at least a five man...judicial panel to...review...the situation."

Elaan: "You are a moron. And you talk funny."

Kirk: "We'll leave that...for the panel to decide."

My God, it's full of Photoshops!

'

BONES: What's that in there, Harry?
MUDD: Something wonderful.

Congratulations to the winners. This week, Lazarus tries to vainly convince people he has a beard, Kirk and Spock try explain away the scratches to the Nazis, and the cast suddenly realizes they're in a crappy episode. Enjoy:

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "Him? Steal our dilithium? The guy falls down a fucking cliff every five minutes!"

Kirk: "I guess they're throwing us in the klink, eh Spock?"

Spock: *rolls eyes*

Kirk: "On second thought, can you steal all our brains?"

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Thanks for the win and the one in the movie contest from a couple weeks ago, Rat Boy!

Spock: In an alternate universe, this would have been John Barrymore.

(Insert obvious K/S joke here.)

Nazi: I am Elisa, She-Wolf of the S.S.!

 

[jep]

Kirk: "You call that torture? I've been to planets where they treat their children worse."

Eneg: "You will eventually tell us what we need to know."

Kirk: "Hell, I'll tell you right now: Your pathetic interrogation methods are those of rank amateurs."

Spock: "Ixnay, Captain, ixnay!!"

.

 

[jep]

Lazarus: "Shall I kill the Red Shirt now, Captain?"

Kirk: "Let's wait 20 minutes or so to create some suspense.

Lazarus: "As you wish."


.

 

[Isis]

Eneg: "Your friend is a disgrace. He came here totally unprepared to have his shirt ripped off."

 

[Deranged Nasat]

Spock: "I am telepathically communicating with the man in charge, captain. It appears he is indeed, as I suspected, a disembodied brain in a jar. We have an answer for the suspiciously parallel evolution, captain...they saved Hitler's brain"

Kara (offscreen): "You can take Spock's brain back, captain. We've found a better replacement to run our society".

Hitler's Brain (offscreen): "Soooo, treffen wir uns wiender! Aber diesmal den Vorteil..."

Kirk: "Ohhhh, crap..."

 

[Nerys Myk]

LAZARUS: He, he....he sunk my battleship!

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: Just how much did we sink into this line of belts?

MCCOY: Trust me Jim we'll make a fortune!

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Shatner: "That makeup guy doesn't know how lucky he is! On any other show, he would have been fired on the spot for running out of red greasepaint markers on filming day! Luckily, we can just claim Vulcans have green blood from now on."
Nimoy: "Somebody should make a notation of that in the Writer's Guide."

Kirk: "I just pulled this string on my belt buckle, and it said, 'A cow goes mooooo"!

Nimoy (thinking): "Brylcreem failure and cowlick pop-up in three...two...one..."

 

[Nerys Myk]

SPOCK: Remind me not to let you book our next vacation.

 

[jep]

Kirk: "Spock, you wanna pay attention to what we're doing?"

Spock: "Sorry, sir, I was just catching up on the latest news from WWE Smackdown."


.

 

[highlander]

Kirk: "Are you sure about these results Mr Spock?"
Spock: "Yes sir, he is NOT the father."
Kirk: "Very well I will inform Admiral Povich"

 

[jep]

Spock: "Premature excitation... how embarrassing."



.

 

[Nerys Myk]

SPOCK:I forget, am I the good cop or the bad cop?

 

[LeadHead]

Kirk: It's a good thing we replaced the dilithium crystals with whoopie cushion shaped rocks otherwise we'd be in serious trouble.

Shatner: I hope this is the last time any Trek Captain encounters Space Nazis.

Kirk: Trapped at a place ruled by brainless women.

Scotty: Are you sure we're not trapped in an episode of The Jersey Shore again, Sir?

 

[Maurice]

KIRK: What's the computer say?
SPOCK: It says "dot dot dot dot, blank, dot dot dot..."

KIRK: Let me see if I follow: I'll be on the Chippendale's calendar and Spock will be on the Bears calendar?
SPOCK: Illogical. I am an "otter".

KIRK: Eymorgs? Will they run on my iPad?
BONES: Shut up, Jim.

 

[highlander]

Kirk: "Damn it Bones! You said these green donuts would go strait to our thighs."

 

[highlander]

Nimoy: "Are you sure about this Bill?"
Shatner: "Yes, Leonard they canceled some soap operas. We're a space opera, we'll be on for a looooong time."

 

[highlander]

Spock: "Really, and what would you call this Captain?"
Kirk: "Winning....Duh!"