TOS Caption Contest #193: Cancellations and Renewals

[Rat Boy]

Hi folks. Well, might as well get the bad news out of the way first; I've decided that due to lack of interest and time on my part to end the TAS Caption Contest. TAS pictures will occasionally be making their way over into this one and I'll be posting the results of the final one here. So, let's get started first by honoring...

...of TOS Caption Contest #192. Say what you want about their furniture, but you can't sneeze at sale prices...

Kirk: Spock, I know you love Ikea but what is this thing?
Spock: Jim, please do not be so dismissive of the Åbrök. And it was on sale anyway.

One's too hot for Sesame Street, the other's too...different for most people, but either would be at home on Capella IV...

The dude in orange stood to make some serious money when his bra became the object of a bidding war between Katie Perry and Lady Gaga.

I was a little concerned that the following picture might get a little out of hand, but I guess I was wrong...

Spock "Captain, it appears that the Jägermeister has had some unexpected effects .."

Two Photoshop awards, first for the obligatory Hogan's Heroes crossover...

Only DeForest knew this crossover episode would be a bad idea.
Schultz of course knew noth-thing!

A correction, though; the proper spelling is "nutzing!" Saw it on a T-shirt once. Anyway, our next winner is so subtle that I almost didn't spot it the first time...

For the first time in his life Will Farrell thinks he's gone too silly.

And that takes care of the TOS winners. Now let's go over to TAS for the rest of...

Now here's a mental image I want gone as soon as possible...

WINSTON: Now really, does that feel like a sweatsock to you?

Here's a gag that feels like something out of Airplane...

Kirk (to self): "When I ordered fresh calamari, this wasn't quite what I had in mind."

There's a story behind this one, but I'm not sure I want the answer...

Red Shirt Ron: How did you get yourself caught in the pool drain like that?

Scotty: Never you mind.

Congratulations to all the winners. This week, we wonder how TOS managed to get through its third season without getting canceled mid-stream. I mean we have an episode featuring a lawyer as a villain, an episode written by Lamb-Chop, and an episode where Kirk gets busy with an android. As a bonus, we have a clip from TAS and Robert April wondering why all of a sudden no one remembers him. Enjoy:

 

[Rat Boy]

Belli: "And remember: if it does not fit, you must acquit."

Young Johnnie Cochrane: "I'll have to remember that line."

Scotty: "Feeling a wee bit chilly, lass?"

Rayna: "All these balls are red."

Kirk: "I've got two blue ones right here that you're not helping with."

Kirk: "If you tell one more 'Back in my day' story, so help me I'll dump you on the nearest planetoid."

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Gorgon: I am known on many worlds as Chester the Molester.

Scotty: Is that a phaser underneath your dress, lassie, or are yah happy to see me?
Romaine: It's my penis, but I'm not happy to see you.

Kirk: I've got something much longer you can stroke.
McCoy (off-camera): Honey, I've seen him nude... it ain't much longer than a pencil.

Kirk: Who the hell are you?!
April: Robert T. April, the first captain of the Enterprise.
Kirk: Not in any canon I know.

 

[SPOCKED]

::: BRIDGE TO GORGAN :::

Gorgan: It's Friendly Angel..!

And dammit I'm showering!!

 

[cooleddie74]

I am done here, my Friends.

If you need me, I will be counseling Jack Ruby in his jail cell.

ROMAINE:I'm pregnant?!

SCOTTY: LONG story lass.

RAYNA: Seriously...WHERE in the cosmos did you learn how to use a poolstick?

HERE. Let a real person show you how to do this.

APRIL: I like what you've done with my ship, young man.

KIRK: Thanks. It took MONTHS to get the stink out of this chair, though.

You really loved your vegetables didn't you, sir?

 

[cooleddie74]

John Jacob Jingleheimer Gorgon...

THAAAAAAAT'S my name, too!

 

[Mr. Adventure]

"It's ... green!"
"Told ya, lassie."

 

[LeadHead]

Gorgon: We take what is ours wherever we go.

Tommy: But we didn't have anything on Triacus. We slept on the ground outside and our only possession was dad's tricorder. And we forgot that on the planet before we left.

Scotty: I'm sure and I will be very happy together.

Mira: I already applied for a transfer to wherever Palamas went.

Kirk: 8 ball side pocket.

Rayna: This is billiards you fool.

Kirk: And now Captain Pike, we'll take you to Talos IV.

April: I'm Robert April you fool.

 

[think]

"Swing Low sweet chariot coming forth to carry me home."

//*that was all I could hear with his mouth open like that*//

 

[cooleddie74]

Some say that on certain evenings in the Enterprise recreational room...if the conditions are just right...you can see and hear the ghost of Liza Minnelli.

 

[cooleddie74]

MIRA: Then this episode WAS nothing but a bad dream!!

I love you, Scotty!!!

 

[jep]

Gorgan-El: "I demand that you tell me the whereabouts of Kal-El!!!"



.

 

[Gary7]

Thanks for the Photoshop win, Ratboy.

Gorgon: "This is how you people shower on these Starships??"

 

[Mr. Adventure]

Some say that on certain evenings in the Enterprise recreational room...if the conditions are just right...you can see and hear the ghost of Liza Minnelli.

Why do I hear Jeremy Clarkson when I read that?

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Mira: "The last thing I remember was having a drink with you in your cabin...then I began to feel woozy...and then I woke up here in sick bay. What happened?"
Scotty: "Let's just say my conscience got the better of me just in the nick of time and leave it at that, shall we, missy?"

Rayna: "Concentrate, Captain. You've got to keep your mind on getting it in the pocket."
Kirk: "I am! That's why I'm having such a hard time concentrating on this stupid game!"

Kirk: "Jeez, give a rest, willya! We needed the space for shuttlecraft storage! And nobody gives a damn about bowling these days, anyway!"

 

[Gary7]

Scotty: "I'm sorry I knocked ya on th' arse back at the bar, but th' doctor says ya'll be doin' fine in no time atall!"
Mira: "You sure have a funny way of showing how you like a girl, Scotty."

Kirk: "Is that... WD-40 I smell?"

 

[Isis]

Mira: "Well, Dr. McCoy says I can go. Maybe we can stop for a bite before we get back to work. You hungry?"

Scotty: "Aye, lass."

Mira: "What sort of food are you in the mood for?"

Scotty: "I can't explain it, but all of a sudden I got the strongest urge for some Mounds."

 

[jep]

Gorgon: "We take what we --- "

YOINK!

Gorgon: "Yoink? My gown!!!! My effeminate gown!!!"

Kirk (OS): "Sulu!!!!!"



.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Gorgon: "You must go to the Delta Vega system, Jim. There you will learn from the temporally displaced older version of your first officer, how to attain longevity in a sci-fi franchise."

Scott: "Aye lass, the scan located where I left ma finger."

Rayna: "... and this is how a hand job is performed?"

Kirk: "We're crossing into the Neutral Zone now."
Alistair Darling: "We're doomed, we're all doomed!"

 

[T'Girl]

Scotty: "I'm sorry I knocked ya on th' arse back at the bar, but th' doctor says ya'll be doin' fine in no time atall!"
Mira: "You sure have a funny way of showing how you like a girl, Scotty."

Scotty: "I'll make it up to you, how about a walk down a foggy street.
Mira: "Sure."
Scotty: "Grand, we just stop by me cabin so I can pick up me knife ... err me communicator."