TOS Caption Contest #165: The Classics

[Jonas Grumby]

Spock: "Now I just let the graphics software tint your skin green and...voila! You're an Orion! ... Whoa, that's not nearly as attractive as I thought it would be!"

Picard: "Oops! Sorry to just pop in on you like this. We're experimenting with time machines in the future, but we haven't figured out how to steer yet."

 

[jep]

Kirk-God: "Didn't I warn you that you shouldn't call me Tiberius again?"

McCoy: "Well... I mean.. I... I can explain!"

Kirk-God: "SILENCE, MORTAL!!! You will pay for your insolence. How does 50,000 volts up the ass sound?"


.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Kirk: "Look, I don't care what Noel's got, I didn't give it to her! Jesus Christ, she's been spreading lies about me all over the ship ever since that damned Christmas party!"

 

[Mr. Adventure]

Telekinetic groping is one of the Vulcan abilities they keep amongst themselves.

 

[Captain Crow]

McCoy: You're using that Chatroulette thing aren't you?

Kirk: How'd ya guess?

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: What? It's more slimming than the regular shirt, right?

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: I'm from the future. I'm here to stop you from creating an ass rubbing clone!

 

[Noname Given]

Captain Kirk: "Ayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!"

 

[T'Girl]

Spock: "I want sex!
Rand: "I want money."
Spock: "What's the going rate."
Rand: "How much you got?"
Spock: "I'm writing down a figure."
Rand: "Not enough."
Spock: "Okay. I'm writing down a second figure."

Kirk: "What do you mean watch what I eat? I'm gonna be in this great shape until the day I die."

Kirk: "Bones, if I weighed that much ... why, I couldn't even walk across a small bridge without it collapsing under my weigh.

Surreptitiously Spock move his hand up to Zarabeth's shoulder to administer the infamous "Vulcan Rape Pinch."

 

[Captain Crow]

Pelvic Thrusting Picard: Where all the bitches at! [begins thrusting pelvis] I wants to get my freak on! [does a quick thrust] POOM!

McCoy: Who the hell is this guy?

Kirk: Fuck if I know.

 

[S'kai]

Spock: Fascinating device. But please ask Mr. Jobs when the Vulcan add-ons will be available.

 

[jep]

Spock: "Yeoman Rand, I can't help but notice that your left breast seems to be missing..."


.

 

[Isis]

Spock: "OK, I'll sign this, but you think someone's trying to transfer you off the Enterprise? That we'll open our eyes one day and you'll simply have vanished? Yeoman, I find that highly illogical."

Zarabeth: "Excuse me for spoiling the mood, but where did you last have that hand?"

 

[Isis]

Spock: "OK, Yeoman, I'll sign this one last expense report, but don't you think having Starfleet pay for multiple breast enlargement surgeries is taking advantage?"

Kirk: "I realize this new testicular x-ray machine is a great advance, but can't an eminence such as myself do this in a more dignified position?"

McCoy: "Eminence? If you're speaking anatomically, you sure have that one right."

 

[Gil T.Azell]

Kirk: "I find your lack of faith disturbing."

or
Kirk: "You don't know the power of the dark side!"

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Spock: Lieutenant Uhura and I were wondering if you'd be interested in dropping by my cabin later. She's bicurious and I'm bifurcated.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Kirk-God: "Didn't I warn you that you shouldn't call me Tiberius again?"

McCoy: "Well... I mean.. I... I can explain!"

Kirk-God: "SILENCE, MORTAL!!! You will pay for your insolence. How does 50,000 volts up the ass sound?"


.

Sulu outside door: "Oh my!"

 

[jep]

Kirk-God: "Time to tear you a new corn chute, doctor."


.

 

[Nerys Myk]

RAND: Could you make that out to "Janice", Mr Quinto?

NIMOY: wha...?

 

[Rat Boy]

McCoy: "I told you Sulu's electric buttplug was on the fritz!"