TOS Caption Contest #148: Costume Party!

[Jonas Grumby]

Shatner: "Did you see Nichelle this morning? Hot damn! And if you think they look good now, just wait! That velour shrinks, you know. In a couple of days, she'll be poking eyes out on the set... Oh, hell. That's not Doohan wearing red behind me, is it."

 

[Shatmandu]

Kirk: "I was going to have him surgically alter me to appear Russian, but I balked at the severe penis reduction."
Chekov: "I ..."
Kirk: "Back to your post, fuckhead."

 

[Tribble]

FlamingoCrane: You call that a Halloween costume? Gee...

Kirk: At first I wanted to go as rock penis, but then I thought that would have been a bit over the top, and since I wear assless chaps the whole year...

 

[Rat Boy]

Spock: "Was that gunfire?"

Kirk: "Quiet, Spock, I'm having a conversation here."

Spock: "Uh, Jim, I think Fredo's yelling for help."

Kirk: "Not now."

Spock: "But Don Corleone..."

Kirk: "...can kiss my ass after I buy a newspaper."

 

[Nerys Myk]

KIRK: Those are the kids who beat up you and your gang??

Spock supresses a snicker.

 

[John Picard]

Uhura: <incredulous> "And then what happened?"
Kirk: "Why, after that, they stripped me nude and the large one exclaimed, 'Insert the probe!'".
Checkov: <mortified> "*gasp* Keptin!? Yoo ware annally probed?"
Sulu: <thinking> "What a fucking waste of a good probing."

 

[Rat Boy]

Kirk: "Last time I ever tell a rice picker joke."

 

[Nerys Myk]

Uhura: "Thanks for using all my eyebrow pencil, jackass."

Sulu: "And mine!"

 

[Isis]

AltSpock (to himself): "Well, live and learn. Total chaos."

 

[johcomp]

AltSpock: Let this be a lesson, Doctor - in this universe, every time you call me a pointed-eared hobgoblin or mock the colour of my blood, I will superglue your eyelids open!

 

[Rat Boy]

AltSpock: "I only promised not to squeeze your buttcheeks."

 

[Shatmandu]

Koik: "... and that's how you do an Upper Deck."
Spocko: "And it explains a lot about the toilet problems in my quarters ..."

 

[Tribble]

Hold still, Doctor, and open your eyes. It's only an eyelash, but I can't remove it if you keep blinking.

 

[johcomp]

Koik: "... and that's what a Rusty Trombone is, kid"
Kid: "no way, Mister - that explains my Mom's uncontrollable diarrhea yesterday!"

 

[Triskelion]

Kid: I'll give you a nickel for the gun.
Kirk: Is that a lot?
Spock: <rolls eyes>

Evil Spock: Remember...
McCoy: Canned ham three for a dollar at the Piggly Wiggly?

 

[Triskelion]

Spirk: It's called fanwank and I can't get enough of it! Sulu! Activate Quantum Slipstream drive! We're gonna blast the Ori back to the Dominion!
Chekov: Captain Spirk? Vouldn't it make more sense to call you Captain Ko-
Uhura: Shut your mouth!

 

[Rat Boy]

Diamond Jim: "Look, kid, you gots the talent and the attitude, but I gotta warn ya: pimpin' aint' easy."

Kid: "Duh! I heard the song, too, cracka."

 

[The Badger]

Woot! Two in a row! Thanks!

Errr....a little privacy here?

 

[Jonas Grumby]

Koik: "Let's see...rusty trombones, Texas chilidogs, upper decks...what haven't we covered yet?"

Spock (thinking): "Thank God the Iotians never found a copy of the Urban Dictionary and made it 'The Book.'"

 

[Nerys Myk]

SPOCK: Sit down Sulu, I think someone else might want to give the residents a sponge bath for a change.