TOS Caption Contest #133 - Alternate Universe

[Gary7]

Hunter: (to himself) I hope I'm not making a big mistake, getting off this "wagon train to the stars."

 

[Rat Boy]

Pike: "I still can't believe I had to pull Sulu AND Uhura off of you at that bar in Iowa."

Kirk: "Shut up, sir."

 

[Gary7]

Shatner: "OK, Hunter. You don't want this job? I'll take it."
Hunter: "Just one thing. Don't ever say 'engage.'"

 

[Gary7]

Captain Pike: (to himself) Amazing looking toupee. And even without the help of the Talosians.

 

[highlander]

Kirk: "So why do you call her number 1?"
Pike: "Because she's my first officer."
Kirk: "Oh...so it has nothing to do with golden showers...damn."

 

[Gary7]

Kirk: "I think... I'm having a serious case of toupee envy."
Jones: "Hey, this ain't no toupee--I'm barely old enough to drink!"

 

[highlander]

Last wagon train to Clarksville Seti VI

 

[Gary7]

Pike: "You know, they're probably going to make a movie about this... only you won't be in it."

 

[Gary7]

Mitchell: "Would you guys quit looking at me like that? I'm fine. Really, I promise. I'm through with the God complex... unlike our friend James Kirk."

 

[Gary7]

Pike: I've got a bad feeling about this...

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Kirk: Ssspt... Uhura, you see that...
Uhura: What sir?
Kirk: I think I have a Monkee on my back... well, at my nav station.

Mitchell: Don't worry, Doc. I got this.
McCoy: You against a psychotic artificial intelligence... better get Jim up here instead.

Kirk: First things first, I am changing this godawful bland decor of yours, Chris. I'm thinking bright oranges and reds.
Sulu (off-camera): PA-stels!

 

[Mistral]

"I'm telling you, somewhere out there is a Gap-and we can get shirts that aren't made of velour. We just have to find it."

 

[Gary7]

Kirk: "I must be having a daydream..."
Jones: "You're a believer, man. Hey, that would make a great song, wouldn't it?"

 

[Gary7]

(to the tune of a Billy Joel song)

Kirk: "Maybe we should wear some thick black collars?"
Pike: "Welcome back to the age of jive."

 

[Triskelion]

Davy Jones: Give us some more blood, Chekov. Take off your shirt, Chekov. Roll over, Chekov. Breath deeply, Chekov -

Shatner: Gene, this kid is demolishing the fourth wall.
Roddenberry: Somebody get these girls off the set.

It's time for your jumping jacks and mandatory chest wax.
And if I don't?
Mr Scott will beam you into space.
Aye. That I will, love.

I can't hear him over the sound of how awesome he is.

 

[Gary7]

Kirk: "First thing, I'm getting rid of that Number One and putting the Vulcan in her place."
Pike: "Are you nuts? What, are you going to do something stupid like make her a nurse instead?"

 

[Shatmandu]

Laughtrackian Captain, onscreen: "Do you have anyone in mind for an Officer Exchange Program? Someone dim who needs sound added to let everyone know when he's being funny?"

Mitchell: "How could I fail the Nude Jumping Jacks part of my physical?"
McCoy: "Not enough there to flop, 'Captain.' You're relieved. Scotty, drive this bitch to the nearest Starbase. <Lights cigarette, blows smoke in Mitchell's face>"

 

[Rat Boy]

Mitchell: "Did I leave the iron on?

*God power sound*

"That took care of it."

 

[Shatmandu]

^^^ Great idea.

*God power sound*
Mitchell: "Remember how your scrotums look now the next time you want to frown at me, gents."

 

[Rat Boy]

*God power sound*

Mitchell: "All right, that takes care of the lizard guy. What's next?"

Kirk: "This is the worst April Fool's Day ever."

Shatner: "Gene, are you sure Elvis still isn't available?"