TOS Caption Contest #103 - Command Chair

[Gil T.Azell]

Spock: "Logicly I'd say from those stains the Captain had an accident, and thats why he left so quickly"

Kirk: "Yeow!!!! Mr Sulu I found your lost ... Um? Appliance'

 

[Maurice]

UHURA: He's...gone! Mr. Spock, I'm frightened...
SPOCK: With the Captain gone, and it being 15:00 hours...
SULU: You mean...?!

SPOCK: Precisely. It's the logical time for a coffee break.
UHURA: Why do *I* always have to be the #*@%ing barista?!

 

[highlander]

Kirk: "I'm NOT in the new movie?!?!?!?!"

 

[highlander]

Spock: "No Mr. Sulu, I don't believe that this gerbil belongs to the Captain."

 

[Captain Leslie]

Spock " I see the captain has left his 'log' on the command chair again!"

Kirk never got bored listening to his Al Jolson Tapes...

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Uhura: "I never thought I'd see that."
Sulu: "He just burst into tears and ran into the turbolift."
Spock: "For future reference Mr Sulu, the Captain does not appreciate his morning coffee replaced with green tea."
Sulu: "I thought it would make a nice change..."

Kirk: "Maxi Mounds!"

Kirk: "Dear God Sulu! Get the futanari off the viewscreen!"

Sulu: "It's the best of both worlds Captain..."

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Kirk: "Help! I'm in a... nutshell! How did I get into... this bloody great big... nutshell? What kind of... shell has a nut like... this?"

Chekov: "Did ve have to watch Austin Powers last night?"

Sulu: " Do I make you horny? Randy? Do I make you horny, baby, yeah, do I?"

Chekov: "Oh dear God! Mr Spock..."

Spock: "I believe, what would be appropriate at this moment would be 'Shh'"

Chekov: "But..."

Spock: "Indeed, a pre-emptive shh..."

Scott: "The first bugger to call me Fat Bastard gets a Glasgow kiss."

Chekov: sigh

Kirk: "There's something... brown on... my finger..."
Sulu: "Oooh Hello!"

 

[Triskelion]

That's the last time I activate the viewscreen to Sulu's quarters!

Hey Mr Spock, what's this button do?
Domo Arigato. <Flush>.

 

[Shatmandu]

Spock: "Readings indicate the noises commonly associated with the Captain are not caused by his pants interacting with the pleather of the cushion."
Sulu leans over and sniffs deeeeeeply: "I concur."

In the first draft of the script, some Tribbles had hard, jagged spines.

 

[Shatmandu]

Spock: "My scans indicate the crack contains eight standard Federation credits and one-point-three pounds of Fritos."

 

[Rat Boy]

Carol had enough of being polite about asking for child support.

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Kirk: Oh, oh... too much chili and coffee for lunch...

Kirk (cont'd): ...Oh, shit. I just shat myself.

Uhura: What a mess!
Spock: Yes, Ms. Uhura, putting a laxative into the captain's coffee may not have been the most logical thing to do, but it certainly was most humorous as I understand the concept.
Sulu: Gross! Try again, pointy.

 

[Outpost4]

Spock: Fascinating. His girdle must have burst.

 

[Shatmandu]

Sulu regretted not editing his vacation slides.

Uhura: "To locate the Captain, perhaps you could mind-meld with the impression."
Spock: "It doesn't work that way."
Sulu: "Let me try ... <leans in very close, runs fingers over impression, inhales deeply, moans softly>"

 

[EnsignHarper]

Captain Kirk failed Mime 101 miserably...

or, to use the episode it comes from:

Janice/Kirk discovered that Kirk's body automatically got a boner seeing Sulu's crack from the command chair

 

[Outpost4]

Three words: Harvey Mudd, naked.

 

[Rat Boy]

Three words: Harvey Mudd, naked.

Kirk: "Wait a minute, I don't know any Harvey Mudd."

 

[Ryan Thomas Riddle]

Kirk: Sulu, put that away before you poke my eye out!

 

[Shatmandu]

Godlike, Spooky Voice: "Ooooh, does the 'advanced' widdle being want another Redbelly? Does him? Does him weally? <uses mental powers to pull up Kirk's shirt, pin his arms back, and smack his belly over and over until it turns red>"

 

[Dohlman]

"There are 10 lights!"

Wow, thanks Outpost for the win! I actually joined in 2001, but the board later crashed and posters had to re-register.