Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #566: Have a drink!

[Nerys Myk]

REG: Come here often?
GUINAN: I work here you idiot!

 

[Leviathan]

Barclay: I have a drinking problem.... If Sally has 2 beers and Sammy has 3 beers but Johnny has 3 times the beers Sammy has but less than 4 times the beers Sally has then how many beers in total!?!?

 

[Leviathan]

Worf was immediately sentenced for Phasering Under the Influence.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Worf: @Leviathan's mathematics are without honor! If Johnny has 3x the beers that Sammy has, then Johnny must have 9 (because Sammy has 3). So if Sally has 2 beers, then 4x of that is 8. Therefore Johnny must have MORE than 4x Sally's beers.
And of course Sally is a petaQ for only having 2!

 

[IMC Headquarters]

BARCLAY: How is it you never mentioned the B-b-borg until they wiped out a quarter of Starfleet?
GUINAN: As I've said before, I listen.

 

[IMC Headquarters]

RIKER: Geordi says if we add it to the intermix chamber it'll increase our fuel economy fivefold.

 

[Doc Mugatu]

Riker: "Happy birthday, Jean-Luc! It's made from blending leprechauns, unicorn horns, and puppies. Guaranteed to cure male pattern baldness and sexual dysfunction. Got it through the mail from Harcourt Fenton Mudd Enterprises."

 

[Nerys Myk]

PICARD: And what did you say it's called?
RIKER: Axe Body Wash. I never go to Risa without it.
WORF: Axe...a warrior's body wash!

 

[Mr Soak]

Picard: Don't ask me how it got stuck up my nose, just help me get it out.

Barclay: Yes, you're quite right. That glass is too much for me. I'll just stick with the bottle.

 

[IMC Headquarters]

RIKER: What do you think? Will it get Data shitfaced?

 

[Leviathan]

Homn: The UNNNcola....Crisp and clean, and no caffeine

 

[bolak]

Riker: Captain that ribbed bottleneck isn't for, uh, nasal insertion...

 

[IMC Headquarters]

REG: I overheard Scotty say no bloody A Team, see?

 

[Nerys Myk]

REG: Was your hat the inspiration for the ship's primary hull?
GUINAN: I'm cutting you off.
REG: So that's a "yes"?
GUINAN: I'm kicking you out!!!!

 

[shivkala]

Riker: Just so you know it’s not from your typical bar. They specialize in molecular mixology. It’s kinda like ah, an experimental new way to consume alcohol.

Picard: Number one, there is no wrong way to consume alcohol.

Guinan: Just so you know, if you start quoting the bar scene from Weird Science again, I'm cutting you off.

Picard: Who do you think gave it to Guinan?

Scotty: Honestly, the Irishman at the transporter controls. I pegged you for more of a wine guy than a hard liquor guy.

Picard: Well, my family does own a vineyard.

Scotty: Oh, aye? I'll drink ta that!

Narrator: He once went to a psychic, to warn her. If he were to punch you in the face, you would have to fight off a strong urge to thank him. Whatever side of the quadrant he's currently on is the right side, even if he crosses the Neutral Zone, he'll still be on the right side. He is...the most interesting man in the universe.

Worf: I don't always drink wine, but when I do, it's Blood Wine. Nothing else will suffice.

Picard: If you drink too much of that, you'll turn blue...oh my, it's too late, isn't it?

 

[Leviathan]

Barclay: I have an overwhelming urge to Pity a Fool...
Guinan: That's not a timeline I want to hear about...you're cut off.

 

[Qonundrum]

Worf T: "I pity the Q who don't buy my merch!"

Q: "Say wha'?"

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Worf discovers that somebody has replaced his bloodwine with blood grape juice...

 

[Herbert]

Guinan: That's enough Barclay. I'm cutting you off.
Barclay: Did you know I once went by the name of Captain Cab?
Guinan: Did you know that this get-up was the original but rejected nuns outfit for the movie, Sister Act?
Barclay: Oh, and I've had enough to drink?

 

[Qonundrum]