Contest: ENTER TNG Caption This! #563: Season premieres!

[inflatabledalek]

Riker: I'm going to need a wider chair, can't manspread enough in this one.

Gowron: Trust me, there's lots of Discovery style Klingons hanging about here. It's just very dark so you can't see them.

Stewart: This is not what I meant when I said I'd give my right arm to play Picard again.

Troi: The problem with having sex with a ball of light is that, just like Will, it's all over in a flash.

Colonel Sanders: Twain? Never heard of him good Sir. But I'm not letting you alien fiends steal my five spices and herbs!

 

[Tenacity]

Gowron: What is this?
Worf: The same thing happen on the Enterprise years ago when the Captain was shot by a Kataan probe.
Gowron: What do we do?
Worf: It's best to just allow him to lay there.
Gowron: How long?
Worf: Approximately 45 minutes.
Gowron: "Doesn't sound like a very good episode.
Worf: It wasn't.

 

[Nerys Myk]

TWAIN: Let me just grab my lightsaber...
DATA: Sir, the Force does not exist and this is Star Trek, not Star Wars.

 

[Nerys Myk]

GOWRON: That's the third time someone's tripped this week! Turn up the damn lights or we'll never get that Accident Free Pizza Party!

 

[Mr Soak]

Klingon murder mystery parties took the “murder” part seriously.

Twain: Memes. Memes everywhere!

 

[Finn]

Chief Tactical Officer: He has committed the most heinous act of dishonor that forced me to terminate his life. He called the Enterprise a garbage scow...

 

[Nerys Myk]

Chief Tactical Officer: He has committed the most heinous act of dishonor that forced me to terminate his life. He called the Enterprise a garbage scow...

GOWRON: Actually he said "The Enterprise should be hauled away as garbage..."

 

[Tenacity]

Data: tell me kind sir, why are those young ladies removing their garments?
Twain: hee hee, son allow me to purchase you a adult beverage.

 

[Mr Soak]

Picard: Uh, oh.
Pulaski: What is it?
Picard: It’s Geordi’s turn to keep the centre chair warm. I just saw the stardrive section warp away.
Riker: In future we should give command to Troi, instead of LaForge.
Worf: At least we can assume he took Wesley with him... can’t we?

 

[IMC Headquarters]

GOWRON: We need to re-think these Auto-Warriors. They keep deflating on us...

 

[IMC Headquarters]

GOWRON: Worf! Check his wallet.

 

[Finn]

Gowron: Why did you kill him?

Worf: His father dishonored Curzon. Trill tradition requires the spouses of the first five succeeding host to avenge upon the family of the individual who had dishonored Curzon.

 

[Tenacity]

Data: Welcome to your first full shift on the bridge Wesley.
Wesley: Thanks Data.
Data: If there is anything, just ask.
Wesley: There was, are we going to be making any turns?
Data: Our journey to Drawer Pull Two will take two more days .
Wesley: The course was laid in before I got here.
Data: Yes, Ensign Tasore accomplished that four days ago.
Wesley: So ... what do I actual do?
Data: Await orders from the watch officer.
Wesley: Just stare at the oncoming stars for eight hours?
Data: You will receive a 30 minute meal break mid-shift.
Wesley: So the biggest part of my job will be ...?
Data: Do not fall asleep.

 

[Nerys Myk]

DATA: Why do you keep keep hitting yourself? Why do you keep keep hitting yourself? Why do you keep keep hitting yourself? Why do you keep keep hitting yourself?
TROi: Not helping, Data!

 

[Tenacity]

Data: Cheers.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

[

RIKER: Do I really have to pretend I don't see what's going on here?
PICARD: I promised Beverly her son gets one per month.

GOWRON: You have my eternal gratitude Worf. *Snrk* No, no, I'm going to completely forget everything and the Federation did for me in four years.

DATA: The hand bone's not connected to the, arm bone. *Unscrews* The arm bone's not connected to the, shoulder bone. *Unscrews* The shoulder bone's not connected to the, neck bone!

DATA: Inquiry. Why is it that Counselor Troi's empathic powers seem to never work in times we could avoid a lot of hassle if we knew upfront somebody was lying?

MARK TWAIN: Let me get this straight. I write a novel whose major themes criticize the culture of slavery, and public schools banned it because the word used in the period is considered automatically racist regardless of context?
DATA: I'm afraid so.

 

[Tenacity]

RIKER: Do I really have to pretend I don't see what's going on here?
PICARD: I promised Beverly her son gets one per month.

Riker: And yourself Captain?
Picard: Also one per month.

Picard turns to Pulaski.
Picard: I'm gonna speak Italian to Troi.
Pulaski: Go ahead.

 

[IMC Headquarters]

GOWRON: Well??? How many licks did it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Bat'leth? Was anyone counting?

 

[Doc Mugatu]

Dr. Pulaski: Yes, captain, I'm positive. Counselor Troi has a case of the cooties and must be quarantined until I can be sure all the males onboard are up to date on their cootie inoculations.

 

[Doc Mugatu]

Data: Well, Counselor, if we can't restore Captain Picard back to normal, Guinan has already requested we install him in Ten-Forward as he would make a highly efficient mixologist.